them inside her still using herself up to make them from out of her, they were not in any way then any longer necessary to her, they had never been in her a part of her in the important being that was all that there was real to her of an important feeling inside in her. She was not then any more important to any of them when they were older, she was not important to her husband then for she was not enough then any more to fill him, not to her children, she never had been important to them after they had come to their individual feeling, they had never been in her a part of the important feeling to herself inside her, now she had a scared feeling in her, now she was lost among them and mostly they forgot about her, now she died away among them and they never thought about her, sometimes they would be good to her, mostly for them she had no existence in her and then she died away and the gentle scared little woman was all that they ever after remembered of her. Those who always after remembered about her were the servants, the governesses, the dependents who had been around her, they always were a real life to her, they were the important feeling in her, they always remembered about her, they had felt the real important being to herself inside her. This then is the history of how they came together with her to be in her and to give to her the important feeling inside her that was all there ever was of real being in her.
Her children were then a part of her, they were never any part of the important feeling of herself inside her that was beginning then to stir in her. It was slowly coming to be true of them then, the three Hersland children then, that they were more entirely of them, the poorer people who lived around them, than they were of their mother then, than their mother was of them then, though they were all that there was of their mother's daily living then.
Their mother then was just beginning to have in her the important feeling that had first become a little stirred up to be made inside her by her knowing the Shilling mother and the daughter Sophie Shilling and the other daughter Pauline Shilling. This important feeling that had then been a little begun inside her was now to be more stirred up in her, was to come to be almost a real thing in her by her living in that part of Gossols where no other rich people were living near her and in a kind of living that was not a natural way of being for her. Here she had around her, for her, poor queer kind of people in the little houses near her, in the house with her she had servants and governesses and seamstresses who made a life for her, her children who were then a part of her to her, and her husband and the certain little power with him she felt in herself to have in her, though mostly she had not in her for her husband or her children a sense of being important to herself inside her. This important feeling of herself inside her that had begun a little to exist in her from the Shilling family to her, was now stirred up to be more in her with the governesses and seamstresses and servants who lived in the house with her, and with the, for her, poor queer kind of people who lived in the small houses near her.
There are many kinds of men. Some kinds of them have it in them to feel themselves as big as all the world around them. Some have such a sense in them only when a new thing begins in them, soon they lose it out of them.
There are many ways of being a man, there are many millions of each kind of them, more and more in ones living they are there repeating themselves around one, every one of them in his own way being the kind of man he has in him, and there are always many millions made just like each one of them.
There are many ways of being a man and sometime one gets to know almost all of them, some sometime get to know all of them, there are many millions made of each kind of them, each one of them is different from all the other millions made just like him, this makes of him an individual, this in some of them makes in him an individual feeling to have inside in him, in some of some kinds of them there is almost nothing of such an individual being, perhaps always in every one in some way there is something of such an individual being, in all men, in women, and in the children of them. There are many kinds of men, of every kind of them there are many millions of them many millions always made to be like the others of that kind of them, of some kinds of them there are more millions made like the others of such a kind of them than there are millions made alike of some other kinds of men. Perhaps this is not really true about any kind of them, perhaps there are not less millions of one kind of men than there are millions of other kinds of them, perhaps one thinks such a thing about some kinds of men only because in some kinds of men there is more in each one of such a kind, more in the many millions of such a kind of them, of an individual feeling in every one of such a kind of them. Perhaps in some kinds of men there are many more, in the many millions of their kind of them, there are many more of them that have in them a strongly existing individual being than in some other kinds of men other kinds of men of which there are not really any more millions made alike than there are of those kinds of men. Perhaps it is this strongly existing individual being in some of the kinds of men that makes it seem that there are less millions of them in the world of men than there are of other kinds of men other kinds of men who have in most of them less in them of such individual existing. Perhaps it is this in some of the kinds of men those kinds in which many of the millions of them have much in them of individual being, perhaps it is that which makes any one who knows any one of such kinds of men think him more different from the other millions of them made just like him the other millions of his kind of men, makes those who know any of such a kind of men, feel them to be more different one from the other of their kind of men than the ones of some other kind of men are different from the other millions of their kind of men to those who meet many of them. Always there are many kinds of men and always there are many millions made of each kind of them, there are many kinds of men and many millions of each kind of them, there are many kinds of women and there are many millions made of each kind of them, there are many children of these many men and many women and the kinds are often very much mixed up in them but more and more the kind that really is in each one of them more and more as one knows them it comes out to be clear in each one of them. Some kinds of men have, in most of the millions made of such a kind of them, have in them more of an individual being than most of the millions of some other kind of men. Some kinds of them have much more of an individual being as a nature in them than there is in other kinds of men. Each kind of them has in the many millions of that kind of them more, in some of them of individual feeling than there is in others of them. All this will come out slowly as it is written down about them, it comes out slowly in the living that every body is every day doing with all the many kinds of them, the many kinds of men the many kinds of women and the many kinds of children that have these many men and many women mixed up in them.
There are many kinds of men, there are many kinds of women there are many kinds of ways of mixing them in the children that come out of them. There are many kinds of men and many millions made of each kind of them. Some kinds of them have more in all of them of individual being than there is in some of the other kinds of men. In each kind of men, in the many millions of each kind of them there are always among them some with much, some with less, and some with little, and some with almost not any individual feeling in them some of such of them need other men around them to give the man an individual feeling in them, some men have in them so much individual feeling in them that they make their way through everything around them, some of them have it so much in them that they feel themselves as big as all the world around them.
There are some men who have always such bigness in them, there are some who have such a feeling in them when a new thing begins in them and then soon these lose it out of them. There are some who have such a feeling in them when they are first beginning their individual being, some of such ones never lose it out of them for they are always strong to be beginning and beginning is all of living to them. In some of such ones of them it comes in their later living to be only impatient feeling, they are then no longer beginning they are then full up with impatient feeling. Later in their living they have not enough in them any more of impatient feeling to fill them, they are old then and shrinking away from the outside of them so then it is in them the always beginning and being then in their feeling as big as all the world around them, then it comes to be in them only the being full up with impatient feeling and then it comes to be when they are old and weakening it comes to be a shrinking away of themselves from the outside of them, they are old men then and they have not any success in them, they are not any longer full up then not with big feeling or beginning or even any more with impatient feeling, they are old then and have not any success in them and it needs others then to make them full again inside them and mostly in their old age this does not happen in them,