me a hundred times that it’s only labour if I can time the contractions. Getting something that feels like a contraction every other day doesn’t count.’
‘You’d be forgiven for getting panicky—especially in light of that scare…not to mention the fact that the baby’s due any day now.’
‘I know. It’s come round so quickly since…since…’
‘Since you sprang it on me?’
His voice was low and serious, and for some reason she felt a little thread of alarm race through her because this was as serious as he had been since… Well, since he had moved in.
The intimacy of their shared situation settled like a weight on her. It was pitch-black outside. Dinner had been eaten, dishes stacked in the dishwasher, and she was a handful of minutes away from heading upstairs for the night, leaving Sergio in the sitting room. He would resume work and then would retire to bed at some point during the night or the early hours of the morning.
Winter was all around them. The homely warmth of the house kept it at bay, but as he continued to look at her she was aware of the fact that, yes, there really were only the two of them in this place. Ex-lovers who had created a baby between them… Herself and the man she was compelled to look at, driven to want…
She licked her lips and set aside the little sketch pad on which she had been drawing.
‘I…er…’ She cleared her throat and looked at him. ‘I’ve never thanked you for being so decent about the whole thing. Your whole life’s been turned on its head.’ She laughed. ‘Can you believe that this is the first time we’re really talking about this?’
‘There seemed little point in stressing you out with long-winded discussions…’ Eyes still pinned to her face, Sergio strolled to one of the chairs facing the sofa and sat down, hunching forward so that his forearms were resting on his thighs.
But now the time had come to talk. He wasn’t sure how long this had been building inside him, how long he had known that the comfortable arrangement they had fallen into would have to be broken. He just knew that the baby would be born any day now and that once that baby arrived the situation between them would change dramatically.
Opportunities would be lost for ever.
Suddenly opportunities and having access to them seemed like the most important thing in the world. So this was it. Naturally they had to talk. They couldn’t walk blindly into parenthood without first sorting out all the little details that would crash into them the second this baby was born. They had to be prepared. She had to be prepared. And this so-called conversation was going to stress her out.
‘I know you think I’ve needed watching over ever since the scare at the hospital, but I don’t,’ Susie said flatly.
Restlessness washed into her. She wondered whether she should mention that her stress levels were building—and then decided that her stress levels would rocket whenever they had this conversation, be it here and now, or next week, or when she was lying in a hospital bed with their baby in a crib next to them.
There was never going to be a right time to hear what had to be said, because she had become so accustomed to having him around.
‘You can’t blame a guy for being concerned. You are, after all, carrying my child.’
‘Shall I tell you something? I never thought you were the sort of conventional person who’d ever come out with stuff like that.’
‘I’m glad to have introduced you to a new side of my personality.’
‘I’ve seen lots of different sides of your personality over the past few weeks…’
‘Should I be uneasy when you say that?’
‘You said that we needed to talk.’
‘I don’t remember putting it quite like that.’
‘Not in so many words…’ She shrugged. ‘But I’ve developed a knack for reading between the lines.’ She sighed and sifted her fingers through her hair. ‘I guess this is as good a time as any to decide what…what’s going to happen once the baby’s born. It needs to be out in the open. I mean, there are all sorts of decisions to be made.’
‘Yes. There are.’
‘For starters, you’ve got a life to lead—a life that’s waiting out there for you.’
‘What makes you think that you know what sort of life is out there waiting for me to lead it?’
‘I feel like you’ve been forced to put your whole life on hold to move in here with me. It’s been a sacrifice.’
‘For you?’ Sergio drawled. ‘Or for me?’
‘For…both of us…’
But since when was it a great sacrifice to be living with the guy you loved, who was looking out for you? Taking care of you? What pregnant woman didn’t want to be treated like a piece of china? If she could only box up all the other anxieties that went along with that scenario…
Sergio flushed darkly. He wondered when his priorities had shifted and marvelled that he had failed to pay due attention to this sea change. He had mistakenly thought that the bombshell had been her pregnancy. He’d been wrong. The fog of confusion he had earlier dismissed returned and then cleared, and in the clear light he could see the precipice over which he was dangling.
She was fidgeting, her fingers playing with the cotton of her loose jogging bottoms. She had only just conceded in the past couple of weeks that she needed proper maternity wear. Before that she had banked on elasticated waistbands to do the trick.
‘It’s been worth it, hasn’t it? Having me here?’
‘You can be very reassuring.’
‘Is that all you have to say on the subject?’
‘What else is there to say?’ Susie cried, suddenly wanting this dreadful conversation to be over and done with, and angry with him for drawing it out with pointless questions.
The businesslike arrangement he so approved of might have taken a bit of a knock, but she wanted him to bring it back to the table now, so that she could get her head around it before the baby came.
‘Do you want me to present you with a medal because you took time out of your hectic lifestyle to supervise me and make sure I wasn’t getting up to anything that might harm the baby?’
‘I’m not looking for medals.’ Maybe this wasn’t the time to be having this conversation after all. ‘And I don’t want to stress you out, Susie. That’s not my intention.’
‘I’m not stressed out.’
She breathed evenly, deeply, clearing her head and trying to fight her way past the fog of unhappiness that threatened to smother her—because she didn’t want to think about what was going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or at the end of the month. She wanted to wallow in the present and, yes, pretend that the present wasn’t going to turn into the future. She wanted to be a coward for a little bit longer.
‘And there’s no need for you to be so darn gentle with me, Sergio. I’m not going to fall apart at the seams just because you want to clear the air and sort out the details before life gets busy with a baby. I want that too! So—you’ll move out and you can come and visit as often as you like. You’d just have to give me notice. I don’t want you showing up out of the blue and expecting a cup of coffee. I know you bought the house, and I know right now you have a key, but I’ll expect you to return the key when you leave. For good.’
She was holding herself ramrod-stiff. The deep breathing obviously had a way to go when it came to relaxing her. It didn’t augur well for labour.
‘Right.’
‘And I’m sure we can work out something sensible with the financial side of things.