Somebody Should Have Told Us!: Simple Truths for Living Well. Jack Pransky

Chapter IX.

III. If Someone’s Thinking Doesn’t Change, They Can’t Change

      For some reason humans seem to want to change other humans, especially those they care about most. We can try until we’re blue in the face to change others, but we can’t.

      We say to our kids a million times, “pick this up and put it away,” and the next time we come around the corner it is still not picked up and put away. Sure, we could force them or punish them or provide consequences, but that is not the point. We wanted to change their behavior, we told them what we wanted, they heard us, and nothing changed. This is puzzling.

      It is only puzzling because we’re not inside their heads. If we were inside their heads we would see that despite our saying “pick this up, put that away,” nothing about their thinking has changed. So long as they are still thinking the same they are going to leave their stuff around. If they’re still thinking the same way, they have no choice but to do the same thing. We can only do what our own thinking tells us.

      * A sexual predator gets picked up, gets thrown in jail, goes through treatment and comes back home. Do we expect his behavior to change? I guarantee his behavior will not change unless