networking contact is always up-to-date on where things stand.) Look at it this way: You expect networking partner(s) to come through with what they promised and they have a right to expect the same from you. Keep a dual agenda, focusing one on your networking activity and one on keeping your networking partner informed. And constantly keep working on both.
Keep Working At It
Successful people continually work at networking. The level of effort you put into it is directly related to what you’ll get out of it. Being a passive networker simply won’t work. To get the results you want, your motto has to be: “Stay the course.” So with this simple approach to networking—being prepared and specific, and being continuously engaged—you have developed a networking mindset and a simple process that will serve you well for as long as networking serves your needs and interests. Which can be for the rest of your life!
You’ve Been Networking
Now that you have a basic understanding of how a sound networking strategy should work, I’m going to help make the transition to active, face-to-face networking easier for you by pointing out that you’ve already been networking—perhaps not too consistently—for years. You just haven’t recognized it as networking! For example, you call business acquaintances to tell them about job opportunities you think they’d be right for. You’re at an industry conference and meet a colleague from another state with whom you plan to keep in touch. Your neighbor tells you about a possible lead for your business. You do the same for him during a neighborhood cocktail party conversation. All these seemingly random events are networking activities. Purposeful networking simply has a more consistent, thoughtful and directed focus. Same process. More-consistent application. Greater dedication, and better, more satisfying results. The key to your success is to build deeper, more lasting relationships with your networking partners.
Cultivate Networking Partners
You have to make connections—not just contacts. It means getting to know your networking partners at a level deeper than just superficial awareness. It means being sensitive enough to be able to walk in their shoes, caring about things that concern them, wanting to help them achieve and celebrate successes, understanding their needs, playing into their strengths, recognizing their weaknesses, and finding ways to help complement their goals. Think of the kind of connection you have with your close friends and family—you keep in close and constant touch with them and find ways to reciprocate favors.
I am not suggesting that your networking relationships will, or should, develop to the same degree of intimacy. But this is the model when it comes to cultivating your networking partners. The reason for this high degree of thoughtfulness centers on the idea that if you are not actively thinking and looking for ways to connect your networking partners with others, you will miss opportunities to do so. And sometimes significant ones will be missed, which begins to undermine the whole concept of what networking is about—continually helping one another to advance the other’s goals and objectives for mutual benefit. This level of commitment to your networking partners may sound daunting to you. Let me give you a practical example of how I apply it—to demonstrate that, over time, helping others and yourself becomes a part of how you conduct your activities, both business and personal.
Here’s my example: I read two business-centric newspapers daily, The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal. (Your general newspaper of choice could be the Chicago Tribune, the Los Angeles Times, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, or something else.) All these newspapers and many others are readily available on line, through e-book, i-book and smart-phone subscriptions. If daily skimming of the business sections is too daunting, the same publications usually have “week in review” sections in the Sunday editions. The point is to stay abreast of national and international news of interest to business so you stay informed and stimulated to new thinking. In my view, reading the newspaper just to read the newspaper is a wasted effort when it takes only a few more brain cells to practice sharpening your business skills for your own networking agenda and for helping others with theirs.
In my own case, as I review the daily business news and see an article of interest, I use the article as a thought stimulator. I challenge myself by saying: “How can I use this information to advance my own business agenda?” (Translation: Does it suggest a new product/market direction for my company? An unrealized business opportunity worth exploring? A potential competitive threat I/we should be mindful of following? An emerging market/consumer attitude or behavior worth tracking for future business opportunity?) At the same time, I am also reading to be on the lookout for business opportunities for my networking partners. Knowing each of my networking partners’ business and personal interests, I review articles with their agenda in mind. In the many years I have read newspapers and journals in this way, it never fails that I find at least three to five articles a week worth acting on. With practice, then, I read beyond just looking for information; I’m looking for insight. Not a bad habit for all of us to cultivate.
Obviously, you can’t have the same depth of relationship with every networker you meet. So as you consciously expand your circle of business and social acquaintances, be discerning in choosing people with whom you’d like to develop a lasting networking partnership. Also, networking is about style. I’ve given you some insight about my style. It might feel comfortable to you, and it might not. The bottom line is that you can be successful once you understand your own style and choose to apply it. So let’s explore different styles so you can take what you’ve read so far and apply it comfortably.
Interaction Styles: Women vs. Men
A lot of research has been conducted on how women and men develop patterns of interaction. One study became the basis of a best-selling book, You Just Don’t Understand, by Dr. Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University. In tracing the socialization of boys and girls, Dr. Tannen points out that we start developing distinct ways of interacting with our friends during childhood. Girls play in small groups or pairs where intimacy is key and the center of their social life is a best friend. In games and other activities, rules are flexible, negotiable, and changed by group process. Boys’ activities and games are hierarchically structured, with a leader who tells others what to do. Their activities have winners and losers and elaborate systems of rules and procedure.
Although each individual is unique and no generalization will apply to every case, it seems that the patterns we developed in childhood continue to operate for many of us as adults. The implication is that women are oriented toward one-on-one, interpersonal relationships, while men get along with each other to achieve individual and group goals in the interest of team spirit.
Since the tips and techniques throughout this book were developed, tested and passed on to readers of this book from the perspective of a man, readers with a “feminine” interaction style need to make some minor adjustments in how they approach networking to fit their style: forming intimate relationships with a few trusted “friends.” This does not mean you have license to only network with a few people. It means it will most likely take you longer than it might take for others to build your networking cadre. All the well-established principles of networking apply, just at a different pace, if that is your comfort level.
Worthy of note: for both men and women, several factors influence how you approach networking. Certainly, your personality, interaction style and temperament play a big part. At opposite ends of the personality spectrum consider the “reserved” personality versus an “unabashedly outgoing” style. Generally, reserved people are relatively quiet in groups and hate going to events by themselves or talking to people they don’t know. They are likely to network by asking for referrals from people they already know and reach out to others reluctantly, unless there is a specific agenda initiated by another person. The unabashed outgoing type would call the Queen of England without thinking twice if it achieved a worthwhile goal. So if you find me suggesting a technique that you can’t imagine