‘Well, I’ve got to go to the gym. How far is it?’
‘Not far. St James’s Park.’ She raised her voice at the end as if asking a question.
‘That’s on my way. Let’s go.’
At the tube station, I did the usual trick of putting my hand on her waist as I gave her a goodbye kiss on the cheek. She grabbed my lapel, pulled me back, and pushed her face against mine. Our teeth smacked together with a clatter.
‘Ow.’ I pulled back slightly, holding her at bay. ‘Relax. Let’s just take our time.’
I pulled her closer again. As we kissed, I caressed her curves and slid my hand down to her thigh, then back upwards over the thick cotton of her hold-ups until I reached the warmth of her skin.
God, I loved stockings.
She recoiled slightly. ‘Not here.’
‘Sorry.’ I retracted my hand and slowly pushed her back against the wall, pressing myself against her. Her hardened nipples prodded my chest.
‘I really want to continue this,’ I breathed, ‘but I have to get to the gym now.’
‘Oh, James.’ Her sigh made her disappointment clear.
‘It’s okay. We’ll pick this up again tomorrow.’ I caressed her cheek with my fingertips.
She gazed at me the way a doting dog looks up at its owner. Always leave them wanting more—well, at least the first time.
I made my way to the gym, thinking about Vicki and those luscious thighs throughout my session and then more on the way home, imagining what we might have done had I taken her back there.
When I realized I was approaching home, I hastily adjusted my trousers using my hand in my pocket to give myself some room. I didn’t want to be showing that to the family. All the main lights in the house were off again, but I knew that there were no intruders today. I don’t know how I knew. The master told me this sense is part of the training and will only get stronger. That’s the part that really scared me, though.
I marched up the steps. What was it with this kid and sitting in the dark at the moment?
The dark. There was something about those words that jumped into my throat and touched the end of my tongue like a jack-in-the-box, then disappeared just as quickly, like a memory of something I’d never done. Not in this life, anyway.
I switched on the main hall light and dumped my bag on the floor. The books and gym kit made a satisfying thud. I noticed a faint glow I hadn’t seen before coming from Hero’s room upstairs. Time to see what this was all about, then. How was I gonna do this? An indirect approach might be best.
I stood in the doorway. ‘Brrr, it’s cold out there.’
‘It is winter.’ There was a stillness to his voice, as if a part of his soul were missing.
‘Good day at school, bruv?’
He turned from his computer to face me, smiled, and nodded.
‘Don’t you want to turn the light on?’ I asked.
He shrugged and turned back to his computer.
Don’t make it easy for me or anything, bruv.
I thumped a fist rhythmically against the door jamb. I was getting angry because he was in too much pain to talk. Deep breath, James. I really was an asshole sometimes.
‘Manage to have lunch without me today?’
‘Indeed,’ he replied. ‘How was training?’
‘Good as always. Thanks for asking.’
‘What do you guys do, anyway?’
What was this? I quietly caught my dropping jaw. ‘That’s the first time you’ve ever asked me about my training.’
‘Yeah, well, I was never into fighting before.’
‘Well, we don’t really fight, exactly.’
‘So what do you do, then?’ He pushed his chair back and looked at me with interest.
Wait a sec. Why was he into fighting all of a sudden? ‘Okay, you’re right, we do fight a bit. But not hard. You know, we do the usual martial arts sword fighting, a bit of meditation here and there, and obviously fitness training.’
‘Fitness? Forget that.’
Yeah, podge boy. I laughed. ‘Each to their own, eh?’
I caught a sudden glint in his eyes; perhaps something lit up on the monitor. But I’d seen this in him before. It was so bright, it terrified me.
‘How come you’re always so calm, James?’ he asked.
‘What d’ya mean?’
‘You know, you’re always calm about everything. You’re so confident all the time. How?’
‘Hmm, I never thought about it, to be honest.’
‘Is it your training?’
I felt a shadow extend over my soul. I could not answer that question—must never tell. Everyone had the right to choose freely. ‘Well, yes. And because I’ve lived a thousand lifetimes.’
He snorted. ‘You’re weird, you are.’
I smiled, my eyes lightening with a new sunrise. ‘Maybe, but what I definitely am is stinky.’
‘Yeah, I can smell you from here.’
‘I need a shower. Hey, have you eaten already?’
‘I’m not hungry.’
‘Okay, well, after my shower, I’ll make something to eat. You should come and join me.’
‘I’ll see how I feel.’
I swung around the corner into the bathroom. Still hadn’t got it out of him. Something was definitely wrong, and it wasn’t Felicity—or at least, not only her. I’d have to talk to Andrew about her tomorrow, although that was definitely going to be awkward. Awkward indeed.
Hero was sitting up on his bed as I headed back to my room after brushing my teeth. Okay, enough dicking around. I was just gonna have to go for it.
I stopped in his doorway. ‘You weren’t hungry in the end, eh?’
‘No.’
‘Are you okay, bruv?’
‘I’m fine, mate. I just can’t sleep at the moment.’ He fidgeted nervously with his hands.
‘You’ve been like this for a while, though. Is everything really okay?’
‘It’s cool. Don’t worry about me.’
‘Okay, well, try to get some rest, bruv, eh?’
‘Thanks, mate.’
I went to my room and lay down on my bed, looking up at the ceiling, thinking. My blood was pumping hard, making the bed hot and uncomfortable. It was no good. I couldn’t just lie here staring at nothing.
I sat down at the computer and typed ‘depression’ into the search engine. I browsed several related websites, the various symptoms and causes. Some sounded similar to Hero’s demeanour, but nothing that really jumped out at me. This couldn’t be it. He wasn’t depressed.
I was about to turn off the computer when something in the corner of the screen caught my eye, a single word. I clicked the link. Lo and behold, I had my answer.
I sat, unblinking. Impossible, surely? No one would dare. A small volcano sprouted inside me, seething hot lava.
Oh bruv, why do you never ask for help?
There was a knock at the door. I clicked to BBC News just as the