life the way that matters most to you.
Invite All Parts of You Along for the Ride
Parts of you want to show up in the biggest of ways and do what you know needs to be done to see yourself through this. Other parts of you are afraid. What is this is going to look like? What if it doesn’t work? What if you actually are a fraud? What if you’re doomed to just keep eating like this and gaining weight and feeling like crap forever?
While I can’t take your fear away, I can tell the part of you that is afraid this: I had the same fears and it’s ok to be afraid and do it anyway. It will be difficult but so worth it. The tools and system I share with you here are the ones I use to help myself and others like you. Every. Single. Day. One sure thing is that time will tick forward. You can pass that time continuing to do what you already know isn’t working or you can try a different way. What you’re doing now will always be there to go back to - anytime you choose.
Feeling conflicted is a normal, and even necessary, part of the change process. You know this and you see it in your clients all the time. It’s different when it happens to you, right? It is, but it isn’t. The question becomes, how can you feel conflicted and move forward anyway?
Let the part of you that wants to keep reading, help the part of you that is afraid. It’s not exactly that easy, but the solution is a lot less complicated than you allow yourself to believe. It seems fitting that a big messy problem should have an equally complicated solution, right? I thought so, too.
Here’s what I learned instead.
The Small, Less Complicated Solution
Consistent and persistent actions trump big grand gestures. It’s the small actions that you take every day, every hour, every moment, that matter most. No choice is neutral. Each choice moves you towards or away from where you want to go and who you want to be. There is huge opportunity in that. Any moment is a chance to begin again. You get to cast little votes in favor of you over and over and over. The end game is to be consistent and persistent at taking actions that are best for your body, and your life. To, most of the time, choose the actions that serve you best.
If you’re still here reading, I imagine you want to know how to do that. Welcome to my story and the strategies that changed my life. The principles in this book have the power to change your life too. You will see more clearly where you keep getting stuck. You will know a way though this is possible if you are willing to think differently and lean into discovering and following a path that is uniquely yours.
To begin, you get to figure out what works for you. What is best for you and your body and your life. In order to take consistent and persistent action on something, you have to know what that something is. You can’t figure this one out in your head, sorry think-y folks. You’ve got to try stuff. Get open to, and deliberate about, experiencing new things. I’ll teach you a system to do just that.
Next, once you find what works for you, get consistent and persistent about doing it. You’ll explore what helps you be more consistent and how to do more of that. You’ll look at what gets in the way of you being consistent and how can you clear those obstacles from your path.
In Part I: Reality (Chapters two and three) you’ll get a deeper look at the solution and learn about building an Owner’s Manual for yourself. A set of handling instructions for your body and your life that open the door for you to care for yourself like someone you are responsible for caring for.
In Part II: Reboot (Chapters four to six) you will learn principles and a framework to figure stuff out and build your Owner’s Manual.
In Part III: Reset (Chapters seven to nine) you put that framework into action to build the Eating, Movement, Sleep, and Environment sections of your Owner’s Manual.
In Part IV: Reclaim (Chapters ten to twelve) you’ll learn strategies to get consistent and persistent and put the Owner’s Manual you just created into action, no matter what life throws your way.
This book is about helping you back to what matters to you. It’s about discovering and owning what works for your body and your life, no matter what anyone else thinks or believes or does. It’s about moving from knowing to doing and then from doing to doing consistently. Trading big grand temporary gestures for every day actions, votes in favor of you, that move you in the direction of your desired future self.
Chapter 2:
Be Human – Like You Have a Choice
“Are you gonna cry about it or boss up? First of all imma do both.”
– Unknown
As my therapy session was wrapping up, I was real-time processing the massive spread of things we had just covered.
We all grapple with the same big fat hairy life questions:
“Am I worthy? Am I good enough?”
“Will this work?”
“What if I’m actually broken, weird, or doomed in some way?”
I think we touched on all three of those that day. It was a teary session for me. Not a full-on, ugly-cry jam but teary enough that I was grateful to be wearing waterproof mascara.
After spending the first part of the session exploring the almighty topic of worthiness, Dr. E. gracefully guided me through dissecting my long list of “shoulds.” His skillful questions put on display the ridiculous expectations I have for myself, how they are not serving me, and how the logic I construct behind them is faulty but, at the same time, also makes sense.
As I finished wiping my streaky face and packed away my notebook, I looked at him with a cheeky half smile and said, “Well, isn’t this fantastic. I get to feel worthless and expect extraordinary things from myself all at the same time.” He smiled back warmly and said, “The inconveniences of being human.”
2015 was the beginning of a time of massive personal growth for me. I had just gone back to work after a decade being mostly home with my three young kids. My stress level was high and my time for self-care was low. When I found myself struggling with food, it was the last straw. It was such a blow to my identity to have my eating feel out of control, to barely fit into the maternity jeans I secretly pulled out again (stretch panel to the rescue), to spend my days helping clients through their eating challenges only to come home and watch myself struggle with those same things.
It was my shameful little secret until my expanding waistline threatened to out me. I would rally and have a few “perfect” days and then fall back into old habits. Again, a cycle I help coach clients through all the time. At some point along the way, I would get sick of the white-knuckling and just take my hands off the wheel.
I struggled alone because I didn’t want to admit I was a dietitian who needed help with her eating. I felt like a fraud. I worried that it wouldn’t be long before others would know – especially if I couldn’t stop my weight from creeping up. I finally came to the conclusion I had to do something different. Since I was basically hiding from the world (and from myself) that I needed nutrition help, I invested in the next best thing