heartbroken. Determined to find a way to keep her mem-ory alive, he emptied most of the money from the royal treasury and fulfilled his wife’s dying wish—he built a monument, the famous Taj Mahal, to memorialize their love. Eventually, Shah Jahan fell ill and a struggle for the throne began. Shah Jahan’s son, Aurangzeb, imprisoned him and kept him from his most precious possession—his view of the Taj Mahal. Fortunately, he was able to procure a tiny mirror, which caught the reflection of his treasured building and enabled him to see it once again. When he died in 1666, he was buried in the Taj Mahal with his wife.
Historic Romances: Shah Jahan and Arjumand Banu Begum
6Intimacy & Diabetes
It is important to note that there are people who don’t feel sexually at-tracted to their loved ones but do participate in sexual activity. They do this because they value their relationships and want to fulfill the needs of their partner.
When all parts of one’s body are functioning typically, the sexual act can be fulfilling and raise a relationship to a higher level. Physical and emotional connections do more than inspire great nations to be con-quered, buildings to be built, and poetry to be composed; they bind two people together in a way that can withstand any physical or emotional challenge. When diabetes enters your relationship, however, it can affect how you relate to your partner on both a physical and emotional level.
You may not be ready to erect massive monuments, fall onto a sword, or compose poetry that will be quoted by generations to come, but the intimate relationship you have with a loved one deserves to be cherished, nurtured, and protected. Remember how you fell in love? What it was like to be intimate for the first time? How about the wonderful “pillow talk” that you enjoyed after sharing a sexual embrace? If diabetes has sto-len romance from your relationship, you can bring it back. Don’t deny yourself the most personal expression of caring a couple can share.
Diabetes may change the way you experience certain pleasurable mo-ments in your life, but it doesn’t have to steal them from you altogether. You can enjoy a new level of intimacy with your partner. This book will provide you with guidance on how to accomplish that. As the late come-dian Joan Rivers liked to ask, “Can we talk?” Yes, we can.
1. The Passion in Your Life7
More than 500 heartfelt letters were exchanged between poets Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett. When they first met, Elizabeth was a recluse, having suffered for years with a lung ailment and, later in life, a spinal injury resulting from a horse riding accident. She was also deeply depressed after the tragic drowning of her brother. But in 1844, Robert sought her out after admiring her poems and brought her back to life. They were determined to be together forever. Elizabeth’s father bit-terly opposed the romance, so the couple secretly married in 1846 and ran off to live in Florence, Italy. There, her health improved and she gave birth to a son. Elizabeth died on June 29, 1861. Their love was forever memorialized in verse:
“Sonnets from the Portuguese 43”
“How do I love thee…”
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806–1861)
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.I love thee to the depth and breadth and heightMy soul can reach, when feeling out of sightFor the ends of Being and ideal Grace.I love thee to the level of everyday’sMost quiet need, by sun and candlelight.I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.I love thee with a passion put to useIn my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to loseWith my lost saints, —I love thee with the breath,Smiles, tears, of all my life! —and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Historic Romances: Robert Browning and Elizabeth Barrett
8Intimacy & Diabetes
How did you and your partner meet? What is your romance story?
Share some of the special memories you made together.
For You and Your Partner
9
If you have diabetes, the emotional aspects of your life and your inti-mate relationship may be affected. To address these areas, we developed the A-B-Cs for Emotional Health, which are key ingredients for overall sexual well-being:
A – Attitude
B – Behavior
C – Communication
In this chapter
Explore feelings you may have with diabetes.
Discover ways to manage these emotions.
Learn about the A-B-Cs for Emotional Health
2
Diabetes and Your Feelings
10Intimacy & Diabetes
We will share different ways to help you thrive in each area through-out this book. To begin, let’s start with a few questions. Visit Husky-HealthCT to complete the Problem Areas In Diabetes (PAID) quiz. The issues listed can help you identify emotions that make it harder for you to thrive with diabetes.
Diabetes is never welcomed with open arms. It frequently stirs up dif-ficult feelings, such as guilt, fear, and anger. If permitted to thrive, these emotions can create a rift that causes you to damage the relationship you have with your intimate partner, one of the most important supporters of your effort to lead a healthy and meaningful life.
Below is a discussion of several attitudes and behaviors you may ex-perience along with a few suggested ways to deal with them. We will share specific communication strategies in later chapters. If you feel over-whelmed and act in ways that are not healthy or productive, seek the help of a mental health expert who can offer additional guidance.
You May Feel Guilty
Many emotions arise when you are diagnosed with diabetes, but guilt should not be one of them. You may feel that your diabetes magically appeared because of something you did or ate, but that is not true. Each person who gets diabetes enters the world with the inherited potential to develop it. We know there is no way to prevent type 1 diabetes, and type 2 diabetes has several environmental triggers, including weight gain and inactivity. But both types require an inherited potential for the dis-ease to develop. There are certain risk factors that make a person more susceptible to developing type 2 diabetes.
Type 2 Diabetes Risk Factors
If you are 45 years old or older
If you have a parent, brother, or sister with diabetes
If you had gestational diabetes (diabetes during pregnancy)
2. Diabetes and Your Feelings11
If you are of African-American, Latino, Native American, Asian American, or Pacific Islander descent
If you were diagnosed with prediabetes
If you have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS)
Think of all of the people you know who are overweight and inactive but don’t have diabetes; not everyone develops it. What you eat, how you behave, and health decisions that you have made over the years are not the sole cause of your disease, so don’t permit overwhelming feelings of guilt to place a wedge between you and your intimate partner.
Your loved one may share your feelings of guilt, especially if this per-son supported your desire to choose junk food over healthier fare, or watch television instead of going for a walk. These feelings can bring a great deal of tension into your world. To help deal with guilty feelings either of you