is a more direct, raw experience of reality. When you meditate, you learn to acknowledge the internal chatter and focus on the precise emotions you are experiencing, thereby experiencing them with their full intensity.
When my daughter passed away, initially I was overwhelmed with grief and guilt. I just wanted to escape the dreadful pain of those emotions, so my first thought was to turn to alcohol and antidepressants. I feared facing my emotions and instead wanted to run away from them.
The process of running away from negative feelings toward positive ones is very tiring. Meditation provides you with the chance to sit with your emotions and actually experience them, a process that, initially, you may find challenging but, ultimately, extremely liberating and invigorating. Facing your emotions and acknowledging them gives you courage and strength. It provides mental stamina, or emotional resilience, to make decisions that are not adversely affected by your feelings. According to psychologist John Welwood, “Uncovering the raw energy of emotions is like moving into the depths of the oceans, underneath the whitecaps of emotional frenzy and the broader swells of feelings, where all remains calm.”1
Misconception 3: Meditation Is Just a Fad
A fad or trend that comes and goes does so because it usually lacks substance or can’t demonstrate real results. It might deliver instant gratification, but it rarely requires a significant commitment of time or energy. On the other hand, meditation has been a cornerstone of Eastern philosophy for thousands of years. Although it has a shorter history of acceptance in mainstream Western society, it is increasingly recognized as a valid and effective tool. The health benefits are so significant that meditation is now recommended as an effective health regime for many — from executives, mothers, lawyers, and prison inmates to elite athletes and police officers, to name few.
Misconception 4: Meditation Is Only for Holy People
The misconceptions abound: to meditate, you must be enlightened, become a vegetarian, join a religion or cult, or must avoid evil thoughts. Right? Wrong! Meditation is a practice of calm, focused thinking and attention that is available to, and effective for, everyone. It is for people like you and me who work every day and have to make decisions on what to buy or sell; whom to hire or fire, date, or marry; how to meet a tough deadline; or whether to say yes or no to that boring cocktail party. Meditation is for people who face the daily pressures of trying to balance work with healthy families and relationships. Meditation is suitable for vegetarians and nonvegetarians alike.
Misconception 5: Meditation Makes You Spaced Out
Meditation became popular in the West in the 1960s; it arrived alongside experimentation with alternative lifestyles and drugs. As a result, some assume that people who meditate also take drugs. Though meditation can make you feel naturally high or joyous, its effects are generally the opposite of those of taking drugs.
Drugs often make you lose touch with reality, numbing your experience of emotions. Meditation enables you to experience the reality of your emotions head on and simultaneously develop your ability to focus. The state of bliss achieved in meditation comes from having the courage to face an intense emotion and experience it in all its rawness.
I tend to experience this joyous feeling when my meditation contrasts with a negative experience just preceding it, such as an argument with my wife or barely meeting a brutally tight deadline. The more intense the prior emotion, the more blissful my meditation makes me feel, just as coming into an air-conditioned room on a hot day is more pleasurable the hotter it is outside.
Misconception 6: Meditation Takes Up Too Much Time
A common complaint for many people is, “I already don’t have enough time to do all I want to do, so how can I start another activity?” Many people considering meditation might be put off, fearing it will take up time that is already in short supply. However, the paradox is that meditation actually gives people more time.
My meditation teacher assured me that one minute of meditation is equivalent to ten minutes of deep sleep (however, I recommend that beginners start off with ten to fifteen minutes of meditation initially; this is enough to get you started); the deep rest you get in meditation actually helps clear your mind so that you become a more effective thinker. In turn, you will be able to make decisions faster and therefore have more time in your day.
In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey uses the metaphor of “sharpening the saw” as a picture of how a focused mind creates time. By taking the time out to focus the mind, or sharpen the mental saw, you can cut through the decisions of life faster and in a more considered way.2 With increased mental focus, the effective time you spend with your family or at work will increase in intensity and quality.
Misconception 7: Meditation Requires Thinking about Nothing
This is the most common misconception I hear about meditation. People say to me, “I can’t meditate, because I can’t turn off my mind.” However, especially for beginners, meditation is not about thinking of nothing. True, meditation is about slowing the mind, but it does not require that you empty it completely. In fact, trying to think of nothing actually makes you think of something. Try it! Meditation requires you to be aware of your thoughts and reactions. By focusing on the thinking process, the space between each thought will increase, your thinking will calm down, and you will relax.
Meditation helps you make peace with whatever is going on in your mind. As you become aware of and accept the mental chatter and stories you spin for yourself, you will develop the willpower and capacity to let them go.
As our society evolves, it gets more complex; the world gets louder, faster, and more demanding. Because meditation provides the skills to achieve a sense of calm and resilience, it will continue to attract more and more practitioners and advocates. Meditation is much more useful in the middle of mayhem than on the mountaintop.
meditation metaphors and models
We learn a lot of things, but we don’t learn how to deal with our inner life.
PAULE SALOMON
WHILE LEARNING MENTAL RESILIENCE TRAINING, you will likely wonder, “Am I doing this right?” Let me introduce you to some metaphors that may help you make sense of the question. If your meditation practice helps you identify with the following metaphors, you’re doing it right.
The soul never thinks without a picture.
ARISTOTLE
Metaphor 1: Clarity in a Glass of Muddy Water
Many meditation teachers liken the mind to a glass of clear water that you can see straight through. There are no obstructions; there is nothing clouding your view from one side of the glass to another. Now imagine putting no more than a teaspoonful of dirt in that water and giving it a stir. What do you see? After just a bit of stirring, the water becomes so muddy that you can no longer see through it. The water is so murky, you couldn’t see a light on the other side of the glass.
Now imagine that you’ve set down the glass of muddy water to allow the water and dirt to settle. As the turbulence stills, the elements begin to separate, and the water becomes less murky. The longer you leave it, the clearer the water becomes. Left for a couple of hours, your glass would have crystal-clear water at the top and sediment on the bottom.
This is very similar to the way the mind works. Stir it up, and it’s hard to see much; let it settle, and there is clarity. The mud in the water represents the various challenges thrown at you daily.
Imagine an extremely challenging day. Say you had a tiff with your partner before work. You have numerous deadlines looming and meetings to prepare for, your phone has been ringing off the hook since you got to the office, and your in-box is full of urgent emails you