PRAISE FOR TAMING YOUR OUTER CHILD
“This book will be an enormous help to anyone looking to let go of past disappointments and self-recrimination and get on with the essential work of healing, building boundaries, and acquiring the skills to reach your goals. I hope you will read it and do the exercises it provides.”
— John Bradshaw, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Homecoming
“Are you repeating unhelpful, destructive patterns of behavior? Anderson (The Journey from Abandonment to Healing). . .attributes this sabotaging behavior to your ‘Outer Child,’ a part of personality that takes over when your ‘Adult’ function is weak. . . .Anderson does not discount the role of past trauma but shows that self-defeating behavior can be changed without in-depth examination and resolution. VERDICT A helpful scenario, requiring determination and commitment, for dealing with difficult issues. This will appeal to readers seeking change.”
— Library Journal
“With more than 30 years experience working with victims of trauma, abandonment, grief, and loss, psychotherapist Anderson (Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery) . . . explains how to redirect ‘fear and insecurity seeping out of your oldest wounds.’ ‘Abandoholism,’ she notes, ‘wins the hit parade on my website.’ With a program designed to undo primal fears, she tackles such topics as lowered self-esteem, lovesick feelings, food urges, diet, chronic depression, procrastination, heartache, and a primary source of conflict with relationships, ‘enormous emotional suction cups.’ She also examines brain activity and factors preventing the body’s production of such ‘yummy neurochemicals’ as oxytocin and vasopressin. . . . Readers under stress who are desperate for help will view this book as a valuable tool for healing.”
— Publishers Weekly
“The outer child is a bratty, angry drama queen who is responsible for unhealthful and unwanted behavior, according to the book. Anderson’s three-prong outer child recovery program consists of dialoguing, guided visualization and action steps. The second half of the book addresses special applications for the program, such as dieting, procrastination, debt and depression.”
— Washington Post
Taming Your Outer Child
ALSO BY SUSAN ANDERSON
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Surviving Through—and Recovering from—the Five Stages that Accompany the Loss of Love
Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery
The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection: A Workshop in Abandonment Recovery
| New World Library14 Pamaron WayNovato, California 94949 |
Copyright © 2011, 2015 by Susan Anderson
Brain diagram on page 44 copyright © by David Lindroth Inc.
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, or other — without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.
The material in this book is intended for education. It is not meant to take the place of diagnosis and treatment by a qualified medical practitioner or therapist. No expressed or implied guarantee of the effects of the use of the recommendations can be given or liability taken.
Text design by Casey Hampton
Library of Congress Cataloging-in Publication Data is available.
First paperback printing, February 2015
ISBN 978-1-60868-314-7
Originally published in hardcover by Ballantine Books, New York, January 2011
(ISBN 978-0-345-51448-6)
Printed in Canada on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper
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New World Library is proud to be a Gold Certified Environmentally Responsible Publisher. Publisher certification awarded by Green Press Initiative. www.greenpressinitiative.org |
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
PAUL ASA COHEN
May 13, 1952–March 20, 2003
Contents
PART ONE: GETTING TO KNOW YOUR OUTER CHILD
1. Welcome to Your Outer Child
2. Three Parts of the Personality
PART TWO: THE OUTER CHILD PROGRAM
4. Outer Child and Your Abandonment Issues
5. Outer Child and Your Self-Esteem
6. Outer Child and Your Future
7. Outer Child and Your Past
8. Outer Child, Your Stress, and Trauma
PART THREE: SPECIAL APPLICATIONS
9. Outer Child and Diet
10. Outer Child and Procrastination
11. Outer Child and Love Relationships
12. Outer Child and Losing Passion
13. Outer Child and Feeling Unloved
14. Outer Child and Debt
15. Outer Child and Depression
16. Living a Conscious Life
Acknowledgments
Endnotes
Bibliography
Index
About the Author