gets pushed aside and forgotten. So many times we get wrapped up in work that we forget to examine what we’ve experienced. We lose out on celebrating victories and accomplishments. We also miss out on learning from what we’ve experienced and creating new and better ways to get things done. Our accomplishments are swept under the rug until some random person points out what we did right, and we mutter, “Oh yeah.” We spend so much time beating ourselves up for what we didn’t do yet, or for what we did wrong, that we forget to congratulate ourselves for everything that we have accomplished. That’s not a good way to stay motivated.
When we don’t take the time to reflect with power, we often just focus on what’s left on our never-ending to-do list. That’s definitely not motivating. We also tend to focus on what went wrong. This is also not motivating. For example, if you say something like this at the end of each day, it’s going to get depressing: “All I got done today was…”
Egad! Start with what you did get done. You might learn that you’ve accomplished more than you ever thought you would. You just haven’t given yourself credit for it yet. When you start with what you accomplish, you’ll begin to refrain from using negative language like “all I got done” because you’ll realize how inaccurate the “all I got done” phrase is.
For those of you who journal, you know the therapeutic feeling this exercise can bring. For those of you who hate writing things down, I ask you to humor me and jot down at least a few thoughts. The transformation that can take place when you read your own thoughts on paper (or a screen) is amazing. You look at your words, and they “sound” quite different from the words that are inside your head. Suddenly, you can find solutions to your problems as you talk and write things out.
It’s extremely important to review your life at least once per week, if not daily. Using a personal example, based on my schedule, Friday is the best day for me. At the end of the week, I take a deep breath and think back to the events that took place during the week. I do a happy dance for everything I finished, no matter how big or small — or important or unimportant — in the grand scheme of things. If I finished something, let’s high-five it! Here’s an example from last week:
Got the laundry washed and folded
Remembered to bring my reusable bags into the store with me
Enjoyed my Saturday afternoon cooking date with my hubby
Finished step 2 of 10 on one of my long-term projects
Rocked the house with my killer keynote at a conference in Dallas
After acknowledging my wins, then it’s time to take a look at what needs improving. I make any necessary adjustments to tasks that didn’t go quite right, let the idea of change set in over the weekend, and then hit the ground running on Monday morning. It’s also during this reflection time that I tweak my schedule for the following week and create my action plan for Monday.
Perhaps you’d rather do this on a Saturday or Wednesday. The point is, choose a day and get your reflection on. Take stock of:
• Wins
• Lessons learned
• Glitches
• Adjustments
In that order.
In the past year, I’ve begun capturing my wins in a digital document as they occur. I use this document each month when I meet with my accountability group. Capturing wins is so much more encouraging than focusing on deficits!
We are pros at picking ourselves apart. That’s why I’m repeating yet again that we must empower ourselves through reflecting first on our victories, large and small.
• On what day(s) each week will you have your power reflection?
• Where will this reflection take place?
• What reminder will you set for yourself to make sure that it happens?
• How will implementing the strategies and tactics in this chapter benefit you?
6 Rendezvous: Your Date with Change…and Discomfort
When my client Julie (the one who had kept working right through her son’s first home run, completely missing that special moment) tried implementing some of these steps you and I’ve been talking about, she confessed that she felt, well, a little uncomfortable. She said, “I feel strange talking about all this clarity stuff. That’s a little woo-woo for me. And pausing to breathe? Who does that stuff?”
She also commented that it felt “different” to pause to look at her lists of priorities and targets before she made a decision about how she would use her time. She’d tried doing that for two days, but she wasn’t used to it. It felt odd. So she stopped.
I asked her how she had felt when she missed Ben’s home run. “Terrible,” she muttered.
Discontent is the first necessity of progress.
— Thomas Edison
“Do you want to keep doing what you’re doing and miss more special moments?”
“No!”
“So if you don’t want to keep doing what you’re doing, what needs to happen?”
She paused, took a deep breath, and said, “I need to… change.”
GOAL
Acknowledge the discomfort you’ll feel, and try at least one change that I recommend in this book for at least three weeks.
TACTICS
1. Recognize when you feel uncomfortable about trying something new.
2. Rejoice in the fact that you feel discomfort. It means you’re taking forward steps in making a change!
3. Include reflecting on this change — trying out this new strategy or tactic — during your weekly reflect-with-power session.
4. Try out the new strategy or tool for at least three weeks before you consider throwing in the towel.
STRATEGY
Change.
People try it and give up when the first steps toward it don’t go smoothly.
People fear it because they’re not sure about what they’re doing, or they’re not sure if they’ll do it right.
People avoid it because they feel discomfort in doing something different from the norm.
All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.
—Attributed to Michael John Bobak
Discomfort is an abstract feeling, so Julie and other clients have found it hard to describe not only what it felt like, but also what was causing this odd feeling. They just knew that they felt different when implementing new strategies and tactics, so they stopped these new procedures after only a couple of days. Purely because it felt different. And — in the beginning — they went right back to their old ways.
Change seldom happens overnight. Rather, it’s something you struggle with initially because it feels different; it feels unnatural because you can’t be on autopilot, and you have to remind yourself to do it. You have to push through because if you don’t keep up the discipline to do it, you’ll go back to your old but comfortable routines — and unsuccessful ways. Change can be a tedious process because it takes effort to form a new habit. This may take weeks. And for some habits, even longer.
I’d like to tell you a little secret: