this is a framework I use for understanding and practicing mindful leadership, and it is a primary approach of this book.
That said, becoming aware or more conscious of the pains and possibilities of our experience, of what is actually happening — whether that’s in the world of work, community, family, relationships, or spirituality — is inconvenient and uncomfortable! It can be frightening and disruptive. This is why mindfulness, and mindful leadership, is more difficult than it may seem on the surface. Yet this is where our true power lies — our power to learn, change, and grow. This is where our ability to respond effectively, to connect deeply with others, to find solutions to problems, and to think and act creatively originates.
Signs of missed potential and opportunity are often easy to see if we dare to look. Are you avoiding facing reality or what is painful? Is your life out of alignment with your values and aspirations? Are you undermining your potential or giving away your power — that is, your ability to develop yourself, to see more clearly, and to influence others toward greater understanding, satisfaction, connection, and productivity? If so, how, or in what ways? I’ve posed this question — How do you give away your power? — to hundreds of people from many walks of life, and here are some of the answers I’ve received. Are any familiar to you?
• I say yes when I mean no.
• I rush from one thing to another to get to the “important” stuff and don’t appreciate what I am doing in the moment.
• I overthink decisions, and then overthink my overthinking.
• I feel helpless and hopeless in light of what’s happening in our world today.
• I get impatient and frustrated with myself and others over petty issues.
• I underestimate my abilities.
• I don’t make clear requests or ask for help — either because I feel like I need to do everything myself or I am afraid that others won’t respond to my needs.
• I avoid expressing strong emotions and often ignore my gut feelings regarding what I want or what I believe is right.
• I talk to fill space, fearing an uncomfortable silence.
• I check email, social media, or find other distractions when I feel the least bit sad or anxious.
• I am critical of myself for making mistakes or for making decisions that don’t turn out well.
• I don’t consistently take care of myself — I don’t get enough exercise, enough sleep, or enough healthy food.
• I avoid having deep conversations or discussing topics that make me feel vulnerable.
• I compare myself to others when it comes to appearance, money, and status.
• I sometimes feel like a failure, stuck in the gap between where I am now in my work and life and what I know in my heart is possible.
These are difficult, challenging problems for anyone, yet we sometimes feel them most acutely when we are in positions of leadership, when others depend on us and have high expectations of us. These statements often represent entrenched underlying patterns and habits. There are no quick fixes to resolve or transform them. However, just the act of naming how you give away your power can be very empowering! This is the power of awareness, the power of mindfulness practice.
MINDFUL LEADERSHIP BENEFITS THE “FULL CATASTROPHE”
In this book, I primarily address business and work life, but the truth is, the seven practices of mindful leadership can benefit all aspects of our lives. Of course, we are each of us in charge of our own lives. But more to the point, gaps we identify at work, whatever our job, often relate to gaps we experience at home, in relationships, as parents, and so on. Gaps of pain and possibility exist in every realm, and sometimes, when we recognize a gap in one area, it can open up a flood of recognition that goes far beyond our original focus.
I often begin mindfulness trainings by pairing up participants and having them address two questions: What do you love about your work, and what are your biggest challenges? Afterward, I ask the group what they discussed, and at a recent training, a woman in her midforties stood up and said, “I just changed jobs, and my commute each way is now more than an hour. I feel tremendous pressure at work to perform at a high level and to learn new skills. I work with teams globally and am constantly challenged by working in multiple time zones and an array of cultural differences. I’m expected to respond to emails and texts, regardless of what time it is. I have two young children who recently started school and need a good deal of attention, and I have a husband who also recently changed jobs.”
Because of her vulnerability, the clarity with which she spoke, and the familiarity of the challenges she faced, this woman had everyone’s attention. We could all feel and relate to her pain. And yet here she was, taking two days out of her already overscheduled life to explore mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and leadership. Clearly, she came to this training because she sensed the possibility that she was capable of working and living differently, and everyone else there did, too.
This woman was exploring mindful leadership in part because of her work and the almost exploding demands she was experiencing as a manager. But she clearly wanted to integrate mindfulness in all areas of her life. Her description reminded me of the book about mindfulness by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Full Catastrophe Living. The phrase comes from the novel Zorba the Greek. At one point, a young man asks Zorba if he is married, and he replies, “Yes, I’m married. I have a wife, children, house, everything; the full catastrophe.”
In our own ways, each of us has our own “full catastrophe.” Our work and life situations are much more complex than even Zorba could have imagined. That said, while we at times can feel stuck in our own personal “catastrophes,” we are often attached to them as well. I believe that the woman who spoke at the training wasn’t looking to change any part of her life. She didn’t want to let go of any of the activities that were so challenging and stressful. Instead, she wanted tools and practices, perhaps a different approach or way of being, that would improve her daily life, so she savored more and suffered less. She wanted to meet all her challenges more skillfully, whether at work, with her children, or with her husband. She wanted to close the gaps she felt.
First, I acknowledged her challenges and her pain and thanked her for her honesty and vulnerability. I also let her know that we’d be spending two days learning and practicing strategies for meeting pain and opening to possibility — the possibility of meeting and even at times savoring the challenges, as well as the possibility for finding calm and composure right in the midst of the storm. That is the promise of mindfulness: By shifting our awareness and patterns, we can learn to experience greater acceptance and at times awe and wonder right in the midst of the chaos and challenges of our lives.
MEDITATION MEANS LIVING WITH EYES WIDE OPEN
Stare. It is the way to educate our eye and more. Stare. Pry. Eavesdrop. Listen. Die knowing something. You are not here long.
— WALKER EVANS
When I first read this quote by photographer Walker Evans, I realized that my entire adult life I have practiced staring through meditation. I was introduced to Zen meditation when I was twenty-two years old, when I first arrived at the San Francisco Zen Center, and the experience changed my life. Meditation has been a fundamental practice for me ever since, and it is a core practice for mindful leaders.
While Evans doesn’t seem to be talking about meditation, he captures it perfectly. When meditating, we stare, pry, eavesdrop, listen. We become aware and pay attention, both inside and out, so that we educate ourselves and “know something” worthwhile and useful. Indeed, we often meditate to see and understand what is most important, acutely aware that we are not here long.
The premise of this book is that leadership also requires this kind of staring: engaging your full awareness; engaging body, mind, and heart; and aligning your deepest values and intentions with the deepest values and intentions