When Food Is Comfort. Julie M. Simon

I eat because my life lacks purpose, meaning, passion, and inspiration.

       I try to fill up an inner emptiness with food.

       I eat because I feel so much regret regarding my life.

       I eat because I feel deprived in life.

       I eat to reward myself.

       I eat to punish myself.

       I eat to rebel against someone or something.

       I eat because feeling full makes me feel safe.

       I eat to ward off sexual attention.

       My preoccupation with food and weight keeps me from moving forward in life.

       I can’t imagine life feeling satisfying without my favorite comfort foods.

       Food is my best friend.

      If you have checked off one or more items, your eating may have an emotional component to it. And if that’s the case, you’ll benefit from the mindfulness practice presented in this book.

       PART ONE

       Parental Nurturing

       Beyond Food and Shelter

       CHAPTER ONE

       The Importance of Early Caregiving

      Brain development in the uterus and during childhood is the single most important biological factor in determining whether or not a person will be predisposed to substance dependence and to addictive behaviors of any sort, whether drug-related or not.

      — Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

      Most of us have been taught that genetics determines everything about us, from our eye and hair color to our personality traits, temperament, athletic abilities, height, weight distribution, susceptibility to certain diseases, and even eating habits and preferences. And as any dieter will tell you, certain inherited patterns, like body weight distribution and a gnawing sweet tooth, can seem nearly impossible to alter. But recent brain science shows that our brain development is hugely influenced by our environment, perhaps even more than by genetic factors. This fact has profound implications for our ability, as both children and adults, to self-regulate: to manage our emotions and moods, regulate our nervous system, control or redirect disruptive impulses and behaviors, and think before we act.

      Large-scale research studies have examined how early life experiences, in addition to hereditary predispositions, shape brain pathways and affect brain development. Studies in rats have shown that those who received more licking and other types of nurturing contact from their mothers during infancy had more efficient brain circuitry for reducing anxiety as adults. All mammalian mothers nurture their infants. Right after giving birth, a newborn rat, puppy, or kitten nuzzles into the mother, and the mother begins licking it. She continues to lick her baby throughout the rearing period. Humans touch, kiss, cuddle, caress, hug, and hold their babies. Parental nurturing is critical to the normal development of the infant’s brain.

      A child’s self-regulation skills are nurtured by her caregiver’s ongoing, patient, tuned-in attention to the child’s internal world and her developing interest in the external world. Literally thousands of moment-to-moment interactions between a caregiver and a young child take place during childhood, and these interactions are involved in building the child’s emotional, cognitive, and social skills. Everything we experience in the womb, infancy, and early childhood — the kind of care we receive, the food we’re given, the people we’re surrounded by, the music we hear, the stories we’re told, the lessons we learn, the stressors we’re exposed to — has a significant effect on our brain development. If all goes well, we develop emotional and relational skills that allow us to live meaningful, well-balanced lives and enjoy healthy relationships with ourselves and others.

      It Takes a Village to Raise Healthy, Well-Adjusted Children

      In the past sixty to seventy years, parents in Western societies have faced new challenges in nurturing their children. The small nuclear family has become the norm, divorce and single parenting are common, and many parents are forced to cope with a lack of support — physical, emotional, and financial. Extended family members often live many miles, if not countries, apart. Families, couples, and singles living in close proximity barely know one another. A neighborhood is no longer automatically a community. When we lack the comfort and support of extended family, close friends, and neighborhood communities, it becomes more difficult to raise and nurture our children.

      Parents who are raising many children and coping with stress or physical or mental illness may find it especially difficult to consistently meet their children’s emotional needs. Depressed, anxious, or ill parents inevitably find parenting more challenging, and infants and children of such parents may become uncooperative and aggressive. Poor maternal nutrition and prenatal alcohol and drug exposure produce infants whose brain functioning is impaired.

      Infants and children exposed to neglect and abuse live in a constant state of high arousal that alters the normal functioning of their stress hormones. They are easily aroused and ready to fight or flee. These children often fail to develop the ability to regulate their emotions and behaviors