I believe that women deserve to be seen.
And I believe that universally women want to be seen. For who they are. Not for what they do. Not for who they are in relation to others, or what they can give. But for themselves. For who they are inside, at their most raw, authentic, vulnerable, and naked core.
I believe that when women are not seen, they cannot be accepted for who they are. When women are not accepted for who they are, they cover their power, dim their light, hide their beauty, and reject uninhibited joy. They lose what I like to call their sparkle, which is everything inside that makes them uniquely, authentically, and spectacularly themselves. When we lose our sparkle, we lose touch with our hearts, we suppress our personal desires, and we fall out of love with our bodies. In short, we fall into a state of chronic self-judgment, and we stop enjoying life fully.
I can hear you saying, “Oh, come now, Lora! Everyone gets those self-deprecating voices in their heads once in a while! It’s not like I’m a pathetic, sniveling, groveling creature lying in a puddle on the floor. I’m a successful, happy adult.”
And I say, “Yes, you are right! To a point. It’s deeper, and more insidious, than that.”
If you are anything like me, it’s not the moments of Oh gawd, I am such a freaking fat and out-of-shape loser that send me spiraling down; it’s the fact that nobody notices the things I do each and every day of my life that are, objectively, pretty incredible. It’s the fact that for many others, I do, in fact, keep everything together. Yet nobody really sees me. They see only what’s not done.
As cartoonist Bob Thaves said about Fred Astaire, “Sure he was great, but don’t forget that Ginger Rogers did everything he did. . .backwards and in high heels.”
We are so used to dancing backwards and in high heels that we lose sight of the fact that what we do, day in and day out, is extraordinary. We have been fighting for our rights, for our status, for recognition, and for our voice for so long — and we are so stunningly capable of molding ourselves into our high-heeled, backward-stepping dance — that we forget it is our right to turn around, take off our dysfunctional (but admittedly supercute and sometimes-totally-worth-the-pain) shoes, and dance our own dance. Our way.
Sure, as the song says, we can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man, but is that even what we want? I don’t know about you, but as a little girl, I dreamed of being a sparkly fairy princess or a ballerina. I dreamed of things that made me happy. I didn’t dream of mainlining coffee so I had enough energy to power through my days or of being more focused on completing my never-ending to-do list than on grounding into the joy of the present moment and actually enjoying my life. I didn’t dream of sacrificing myself so that others could shine. Or of constantly molding myself into some unattainable idea of perfection.
So I ask you, what happened to pursuing our dreams and desires?
It’s my guess that, like me, you have lived your life covering your body, your brains, and your beliefs, somewhat terrified that someone, somewhere, might (gasp!) get the “wrong idea” about you. It’s time to reveal yourself. To find what I like to call your Naked Self-Worth™, which is the ability to value yourself for who you are instead of what others believe you should be, without seeking to please or conform, and to stand unapologetically in your raw truth, knowing that who you are is more than enough. Through the five steps of FLAUNT! you will develop your Naked Self-Worth, expose the authentic woman you are underneath, and find your sparkle, so you can waltz into a deeply satisfying life that is happy, healthy, and burnoutfree.
Whether it’s self-judgment, body shame, fear, an insatiable need for approval, or some other experience or story that you’ve internalized, FLAUNT! uses burlesque as the vehicle to strip away the costumes and masks you have been wearing, release unreasonable expectations, and put down everything that’s holding you back from loving yourself and your life fully.
Through the five steps of FLAUNT! I will share the story of how I went from overachieving lawyer to fully embodied burlesque star and female-empowerment coach, empowering you to reconnect with your inner burlesque star — to strip out of body shame, guilt, self-judgment, and whatever stories and beliefs are holding you back — so you, too, can FLAUNT! your smart, sexy, and spiritual self, exactly as you are, in a way that is perfect for you!
Ummm, Why Burlesque?
Now, if you are reading this and thinking, No way! I could never show off my sagging breasts, C-section scar, cellulite, muffin top (or whatever body part you are hating on at the moment). . .what I want to say to you is this: FLAUNT! is not about getting naked physically!
Unless, of course, you want to.
FLAUNT! is about using the principles of burlesque to strip away everything nonessential that’s covering your raw, beautiful soul, to strip down emotionally, intellectually, and maybe even physically, so you can reveal your whole self to the world exactly as you are, with divine, uninhibited authenticity and acceptance.
The other thing I want to say is: Even if it were about getting physically naked, you are more than your breasts, or even your picture-perfect thigh gap. You are more than your insecurities, your fears, or your failures. You are more than a successfully completed to-do list or a cushy paycheck. Developing compassion for the parts that you do not love unlocks a deep feminine wisdom that reminds you that the very thing scaring you is the key that opens the door to your sense of unshakable worthiness. It is from this space that healing begins, and you can reclaim and fall in love with yourself, your body, and your life. And if you don’t believe me right now, that’s okay, too. Creating, and embodying, your burlesque identity will help you get there!
Let me explain what I mean by getting naked and being seen. When was the last time you looked at yourself in the mirror and saw the truth of the woman staring back at you? When was the last time you let another see her? I know how scary it is to be honest and vulnerable about yourself, but I also know that our fears are oftentimes much greater than the actual thing we’re afraid of, and until we move into those fears, we are held captive by them.
Not only does being brave enough to FLAUNT! your beauty, your brains, and your beliefs change you for good, but it changes our world. And living with your smart, sexy, spiritual self fully exposed allows you to be seen for the glittery burlesque goddess or the badass bitch you are. When we reclaim our power, diversity, and voice, one woman at a time, we create change.
If you’re feeling kind of scared by this whole naked thing, I’m right there with you! I know how you feel, because once upon a time, I was scared, too. I was scared that I wasn’t enough. That I wasn’t pretty enough, or smart enough, or strong enough. That I would not be accepted for who I really was. My biggest fear was that I’d put it all out there, I’d show my raw self, and I’d be dismissed as unworthy. I’d find out that I had been right all along: that I wasn’t enough. And I’d be left standing there. Exposed. With nowhere to hide and with nothing to cover myself.
After ten years of practicing law and after a lifetime of being a really good girl, I’d personally had enough. Enough of the cover-up. Enough of always trying to do more. So, I decided to get naked and reveal myself — literally. In my midforties, I became a burlesque dancer, and it set me free! Being brave enough to get naked meant that there was nothing left for me to hide and, consequently, nothing left to fear. Cellulite, stretch marks, my exhaustion. . .my fear that no one would see me — or value me, or love me — unless I conformed to their standards. . .I put it all out there, without cover. I allowed others to see me as I was. I was seen. And I learned that who I am is more than enough.
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