“It’s an amazing thing to do,” says Josie. “Too many children suffer in this world. I would do it too, but the mortgage on this place is crippling.”
She looks quite shiny-eyed as she says this. I don’t buy the ‘Frank and I don’t want kids’ thing. She’s like Lucy. Lights up when kids are mentioned. Or in this case, looks sad when she thinks about kids suffering.
“Frank’s running late,” says Josie. “He’s had a crisis at work, all quite exciting. He’ll tell you about it when he gets here.” Frank manages the warehouse for a fast food chain so I’m not sure how much excitement this could produce, but still.
“What happened, Jos?” asks Ben.
“My lips are sealed. You’ll have to wait until he gets here.”
Frank arrives eventually and he’s looking all puffed up and pleased with himself. We have nibbles (low cal), and beef tomato and mozzarella starter, then the lasagne, which is delicious. Josie is a great cook. Sad thing is, Jen would love an evening like this. Ben and Ella are so funny. Frank can be a bit odd and he is clearly itching to make his guess-what-happened-at-work announcement, but this is fun. This is a fun night. I don’t give a stuff I’m a single amongst couples, it makes no difference.
Oh, wait for it. Frank is going to spill.
“I know you want to know what happened.”
“Tell,” says Ella. “Tell us now.”
“Okay.” Frank pauses dramatically. “Wagga Wagga restaurant ran out of caramel sauce.”
The table is silent. Three people are looking at Frank with bewildered expressions. One is looking at him like he just announced he’s found a cure for cancer.
Ben snorts. “Is that it, mate? Seriously, is that it?”
“No,” Frank answers, a bit huffily. “The main thing is what I did to save the situation.”
“This is the best bit,” says Josie. “Just listen to what Frank did!” She is genuinely looking at him like he saved someone’s life, but surely no one ever died from lack of caramel sauce.
“I chartered a plane.”
“Isn’t that amazing?” says Josie. “Frank chartered a plane to get caramel sauce to Wagga.”
“It cost $100,000,” says Frank.
‘Why?” asks Ella. “Could they not make do with the strawberry or chocolate flavour?”
“Oh no,” says Josie. “The brand must be protected which means everything must always, always be available. Everything. Have you never noticed they never run out of anything? That is down to Frank.”
‘The brand must be protected’ was said simultaneously with Frank. Honestly, truly, they said it at the same time. And smiled at each other. Adoringly. Oh God. This is not a joke.
“$100,000 would have fed Teflon’s family for years,” says Ella.
“That’s capitalism,” says Frank with a shrug.
“That’s fucking insane,” says Ben.
I feel this may lead to a falling out so I change the subject quickly. “We need a new date for book club, ladies. I know Jen can do the 12th, can you?”
Jen
Book Club. Newtown Curry House. 12 th February 7.00pm. Then 7.30pm. Then 8.00pm. Finally started at 8.10pm. Josie was having a crisis at work (again). Book Choice Jen’s, Elizabeth Berg, The Pull of the Moon .
Most book clubs pick newish publications but we usually try to pick older books so Josie and Ella can get them from the library. I always buy them, a little treat for me, as does Kelly, who then passes them onto Fanny, her funny lodger. Fanny doesn’t go out much. Who would with that name? Books keep her in her room so Kelly doesn’t have to deal with her weirdness so much. She is a Goth and a huge Dr Who fan. So odd.
Ella can’t buy them as she is bankrupted by the robbers who run Cutekidz Childcare, and Josie has to spend all her spare cash on looking as good as possible for Frank, the axis on whom her world revolves.
Here is Sukhpal, our favourite waiter. “Hello, my friends, my Butter Chicken Ladies! Always, always is butter chicken! Maybe tonight try something different? Lamb saagwala? Chef special! Try it! Try it!”
Bless Sukhpal. He knows we won’t. It’s a big deal if anyone has so much as madras. We should call this ‘The Butter Chicken Book Club’ we eat so much of the stuff. Except Josie, of course. She says it’s too fattening. I envy her figure, but her resolve is so waring. The two driving forces of Josie’s life; her avoidance of food, and adoration of Frank. I have promised myself I won’t be like her when I finally find the right man. It’s not very nice for your single friends if you constantly carp on about your boyfriend and it’s also a bit boring. Tonight is typical. In The Pull of the Moon the main character leaves her husband. Josie opens the discussion.
“I can’t say I liked this book much. She just left him for no real reason. How could you do that? I could never just leave Frank like that.”
“Well, their marriage was a bit flat, wasn’t it? I think that’s the point of the title. The pull of something else. The moon representing women in ancient mythology, isn’t that right, Jen? She was pulled away by her female desire for something better. That’s how I read it, anyway.”
Kelly is so clever. She defers to me, but has no reason to. She comes up with the most insightful comments at book club.
“I thought she just left him because he was a knob.”
Whereas Ella, doesn’t.
“The thing that resonated most with me,” I say, “was when she was in a shop and saw that couple. The woman picked something off the shelf and went ‘Look at this hon!’ and the bloke just went kind of ‘humpf.’ So she puts it back, feeling a bit sad and crushed.”
Kelly is laughing. “Was that plot critical? I must have missed it!”
“No.” I say. “Not plot critical. It just struck a chord, you know? I’ve been that woman a few times in relationships. All bounce and enthusiasm, and the guy is all ‘whatever.’”
“Frank gets enthused shopping! You just need to find the right guy, Jen.”
Worse than her talking about Frank all the time is when she gets all sad for poor single me. I do that enough myself, I don’t need anyone else doing it.
“It’s not about shopping, Jos. I’ll give you an example. That last guy I went out with...”
“Number fourteen, known as G3.”
Kelly keeps a record of them for me. It’s meant to make me laugh, but honestly, it can be as depressing as Josie’s sympathy.
“That one,” I say. “Well, he did a trip to Malaysia, and went to one of those orang-utan sanctuaries. He has pictures of himself with a baby one. Sometimes they just come up to you and take your hand. One climbed up on his shoulders.”
“Wow, that is amazing!” Kelly says. “Bless the baby primate with no taste, but what an experience. I think I would have cried.”
Even Josie looks impressed by this. “Just think, you could have a honeymoon in Malaysia. Ten days at Langkawi and a side trip to an orang-utan sanctuary!”
Another thing. For someone who says she doesn’t want to get married, Josie talks a lot about honeymoons.
“That is going straight on my bucket list!” says Ella. “I’m going to run away from Ben and Charlie and work at an orang-utan sanctuary.”
“So