James Hawkins

The Fish Kisser


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she is.

      Stunned, confused, and overwhelmed by the situation, she vacillated between Peter, an airline, the police, and the bank. Each time she looked up one number she would convince herself to call another. At last, a full two minutes later, she plumped for the police.

      “She’s in France, eh, Mrs. McKenzie,” a familiar voice responded, “O.K. we’ll be round to see you right away. Just stay there.”

      “I’m not going anywhere, officer. Please hurry,” she replied, slumping in the chair and finding support, even comfort, in the curved backrest.

      Junction Road was quieter now it was mid-morning in Watford. The commuters and children were all safely huddled in their offices and classrooms. In just a week or so Junction Road would become a different place. School holidays would begin and the little street would be turned into the Wild West, Wembley stadium, or a Mighty Morphin adventure park, depending on which group of kids happened to be most active at that time of day or night.

      The two Watford police detectives had been given little information about Roger LeClarc.

      “Just get down there and make a few door-to-door enquiries,” their sergeant had said, without enthusiasm. “Apparently this bloke disappeared off a ship last night in the middle of the North Sea, right under the nose of a Met. police squad. God knows how they think he might have got back here by now.”

      “What are we s’posed to be looking for Serg?”

      “Buggered if I know, lad. It seems as though the Met. had him under surveillance for awhile—seen him go to the place a few times … Just as long as you put in some sort of report …” he trailed off. Helping another police force out of an embarrassing spot wasn’t a high priority.

      They parked opposite Roger’s house and sat in the car watching it for awhile—killing time. Like a loaf of bread with the crust sliced off one end, the terrace’s architectural equilibrium had been unbalanced by the bombing of the last in the row. It now appeared incomplete, no longer matching the opposing terrace backing onto the railway cutting. The rubble of the amputated end house had been cleared, but, without anyone to care for it, the land had grown wild, and was now the local waste dump—an eyesore or an adventure playground depending on perspective.

      “Bit of a shit-hole,” said one of the detectives easing himself out of the car, advancing on the front door of the end house.

      The other detective, a forty-something Roger Moore look-alike, scrambled over the bombsite alongside the house, making his way to the rear. He paused, part way, to look up at the wall which now formed the end of the terrace. It had no windows, none being needed for its original purpose, but the outline of three bricked-up fireplaces, one upstairs and two down, could clearly be seen. Black bitumen had been lathered over the wall, and replenished periodically, to provide a weatherproof coating.

      “Can you see anything?” shouted the other detective, poking his head around the corner of the house, his knock on the front door bringing no response.

      “Hang on a minute. I’ve just got stung,” he replied irritably, shaking and rubbing his hand, then lashing out with his foot at the offending nettle.

      “The back wall’s fallen down, I can get- over the bricks,” he called a few seconds later, after kicking a path through the nettles.

      Another voice joined in, “Oy. What are you two doing?” The ever watchful George Mitchell at No. 71, a veteran of the Royal Engineers and frightened of no one, was on his doorstep, ramrod straight and chest puffed out in a no-nonsense stance. “I’m going to call the law,” he continued, his confidence wavering ever so slightly.

      “It’s O.K., Granddad. We are the law,” said the detective in the street, producing his warrant card and strolling over to George.

      “What do you know about the people in the end house,” he asked casually.

      George Mitchell, eyed the card critically, saying, “Don’t know much ’bout ’em mate, to be honest. Used to be a family of Greeks or Turks there …” he paused, concentration furrowing his brow, “I think they was Greeks, nice family. Papadropolis or some such name. Moved out about a year ago …” he paused, spotting Mrs. Ramchuran out of the corner of his eye, the voices drawing her to inspect the sheen on her front doorstep, and he dragged her in. “I was just saying, Mrs. R., the people over the road, Greeks, nice people, you remember?”

      She looked up at the suit-clad detectives in feigned surprise, thinking: Mormons, encyclopaedias or debt collectors. “Yes I remember the Greeks, Mr. Mitchell,” she began defensively. “But they been gone a long time. There’s a new man there now. I don’t know him; hardly ever seen him.”

      George took up the conversation again, sticking rigidly to facts, but twisting each into a complaint. “Young bloke, funny looking bugger, works odd hours, never does nuvving to the place, comes and goes all times of the night but he’s not there now. His car’s not here.” He searched the street. “Little green foreign thing.” Another complaint. “It were here yesterday.”

      Roger Moore’s double had fought his way back to the street and came alongside his partner. “Can’t see anyone in there,” he said, nodding back over his shoulder. “If I’d banged any harder on the back door it would have caved in.”

      George Mitchell, Neighbourhood Watch personified, beamed . See, I told you he weren’t there. “I could’ve have saved you mucking up your suit if you’d asked,” he said, inspecting the detective’s trousers.

      “Oh shit,” moaned the officer, backing away, scrubbing at a greasy mess with a handkerchief, spreading the stain even further. “This is the second suit I’ve ruined in a week, my missus’ll kill me.”

      “If I could get a few details,” said the remaining detective, attempting to restore professional integrity by pulling out his notebook. “Perhaps you would call if you see anyone go in. Would you mind?”

      “Not at all, Officer,” said George, beaming with importance—this is the life … helping the police with their enquiries. “But, ah, what’s he s’posed to have done?”

      “Oh nothing, Sir, it’s just routine enquiries. We’re not too sure where he is, that’s all.”

      “Roger Wilco,” said George Mitchell, thinking: You expect me to believe that? Fifty-five million people in the country and you’re worried about the odd fat freak—I don’t think so. But he shrugged off the snub. “It’s none of my business, but he ain’t in there I can assure you of that. There ain’t nobody in there that’s for definite.”

      Trudy would have disagreed had she been awake. And had she been awake she would have cried out to the detectives to rescue her, but, although less than twenty feet away, they would have heard nothing.

      As the men drove away, one still engrossed in his trousers, muttering, “She’ll bloody murder me,” another police car was headed in their direction from across town. The driver, the “ex-RAF” superintendent’s staff sergeant, had his boss on the radio. “I’ve seen LeClarc’s parents, they’re as much in the dark as us. His mum reckons he’s never been in any sort of trouble, believe it or not she actually called him “A good little boy.” Shit Guv! You’ve seen the size of him and he’s thirty-odd. Anyhow, he lives at home; no close friends, so far as they know; goes to work, comes home, usual crap. We went through his stuff and, as far as they could tell, nothing’s missing, only the stuff he took with him. He told ’em about the thing in Holland but sort of played it down. Oh … this is a bit weird … they reckoned they knew nothing about the house on Junction Road—you know the place … I’m on my way to there now to take a shufty.”

      Roger’s mother did know the house on Junction Road, had even been there with him, one Saturday afternoon, though he’d made her stay in the car. “It’s a friend of mine,” he’d told her as he parked outside, the Renault loaded with groceries. “I won’t be a minute.”

      He’d waited ten minutes, spying on her from an