There will be peace in the world
Lise offers comprehensive, practical guidance to “retrain and heal our traumatized nervous systems” on the road to reclaiming our life after trauma. We are advised to take our time to heal. We are offered break points, reflective questions, and practical exercises to optimize our understanding of the wisdom she has accrued over the past twenty years as she listened to her clients and healed from her own trauma. In this book, we are given clear strategies to restore integrity, beauty, harmony and peace within ourselves and within our relationships.
The neurobiological response to trauma makes much sense when she explains it in such a clear and concise manner. She offers a discussion of the importance of relationships, connection, and open communication in this healing journey, with a reminder that “our brains are wired for connection, but trauma rewires them for protection” (Ryan North). Connections between brain changes and symptoms become clear as Lise unites this understanding with recommendations for individualized recovery plans. She paves this road with personal stories and anecdotes. She consolidates our emerging understandings of the neuroscience of trauma with light humour. She advises how to create space for healthy discussion with loved ones, and the development of tools for self-advocacy. She reminds us that “reaching out for help is a sign of strength” in a world besieged by individual and systemic misunderstanding of mental illness. She emphasizes the benefits of self-forgiveness and self-love.
I was once very depressed, after being repeatedly vicariously traumatized. Lise was an angel in my support circle. She recorded my words for me when I was unable to see the light of recovery.
She now again blesses me and offers you the same gift, if you choose to accept it.
She has grown through her commitment to bearing witness to the suffering of others.
She has created safe places for her clients and their families to embrace their vulnerabilities as they retrain their brain and nervous system in the presence of compassionate professional support. Consider accepting this gift of knowledge, wisdom, and hope.
May you be blessed.
May you again be free to love yourself and others.
Dr. Bob King, MD, FRCP
INTRODUCTION
As a therapist and clinical supervisor for over twenty years, I have worked with many clients who developed posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as a result of direct or indirect exposure to various types of trauma. Some involved a one-time traumatic event such as an accident, near-death experience, physical, or sexual assault, or natural disaster, while others developed PTSD because of repeated exposure to trauma (first responders, military personnel, healthcare professionals, crisis workers, dispatchers, victims of domestic violence or child abuse). Many of them were at a loss on what to do and how to cope with their trauma. You may feel this way too. You may even feel as though life is not worth living now that you are being tormented by PTSD. Don’t despair. There is hope.
This step-by-step guide will help you understand exactly what trauma is, how unprocessed trauma is affecting your nervous system, and how to take action to heal yourself. You will learn effective ways to get relief from the confusing, debilitating, and very isolating symptoms of PTSD, as well as learn specific ways to retrain and soothe your traumatized nervous system. However, this is not going to be easy. The fact is, there are no quick-fix solutions. There is no magic pill or guru that can cure PTSD, and anyone who promises instant healing is likely to disappoint you and potentially harm your recovery. Throughout my career, I have met many people who were looking for shortcuts and trying to build a wall between themselves and their traumatic experiences (I’ve done this myself). They spent an incredible amount of time and energy setting up distractions and finding innovative ways to numb their pain, but there always comes a time when they get to the end of that road, only to find out there is no light at the end of the tunnel. This is when their walls come crashing down and they realize there is only one way to recover from trauma, and that is to face it and get “through” it.
An ancient proverb says, “It is better to dig one well deep enough to reach water than to dig nine shallow wells which provide nothing.” This seems pretty obvious, and yet when you hit those figurative rocks and roots, you will want to stop digging. Unless you are willing to dig longer and deeper than you ever have before, you will not break through to reach water. Digging down past the rocks and roots that are acting as a fragile and patchy barrier between you and your traumatic experiences will be painful and scary. But if you are reading this guide, you already know that trying to avoid, resist, and hide from your trauma is only making things worse. Trying to ignore and repress trauma is the biggest mistake you can make because it keeps you in the downward spiral of pain and suffering. Breaking this negative momentum is difficult, but it is the key to releasing PTSD’s grip on you. At first, it will feel like an uphill battle, with many slides backward. You may feel like quitting and going back to your negative coping strategies. Then you’ll remember you’ve been down that destructive dead-end path before. It is only when you make a solid decision to take the energy you are using to repress your trauma and commit EVERYTHING you’ve got to your healing that you will start to see amazing results. The problem is, if you don’t see immediate progress, you may want to give up. You may stop doing the things that are healing your nervous system and fall back into the negative patterns that are bringing you down. You may see small progress as “not enough” or see a brief relapse as complete failure. You may think or say things like, “nothing ever works” or “I’ve tried everything” and give yourself excuses to go back to what you already know won’t work. However, if you stick with this recovery process and give it your ALL, this guide and the accompanying workbook (or a personal journal) will help you come to terms with your trauma and with the disturbing memories that are keeping you stuck in a cycle of stress and suffering. If you want to release PTSD’s hold on you once and for all, start by believing it is possible and making a decision to wholeheartedly commit your efforts and energy to your recovery.
Please don’t wait for a magic pill or for someone to come and save you, because it just isn’t going to happen. Instead, PTSD will continue to consume you and rob you of your life. It is likely that PTSD has already robbed you of your precious time and energy, but think of what else you will lose if you don’t face this now. If you can no longer tolerate the constant fear, flashbacks, nightmares, emotional outbursts, and broken relationships, and are ready to commit to getting through your trauma, please review and sign the commitment contract at the end of this book (Appendix A). Then print it and put it somewhere you will see it throughout the day to remind you of your commitment.
It is important to note that many who suffer from PTSD have lost their ability to concentrate and have significant impairments when it comes to attention and memory. As a result, you may have to read things two or three times before you can fully grasp the information, which is why this guide is broken up into small, bite-size chunks. This will allow you to slowly take in and process each section, giving you break points so you can take the time to reflect, complete the exercises, and practice the strategies before taking more in. Take it slow. Stick to one or two sections per day. You may be tempted to skip the practical exercises and reflective questions at the end of each section. Please don’t. The benefits you reap from this book will depend entirely on the effort and energy you put into instilling these new practices into your life. Without deep reflection and practice, the tools and strategies will quickly be forgotten, and you will likely feel overwhelmed by too much information and little ability to use it toward your recovery. Therefore, I urge you to use the accompanying PTSD Workbook (or start a journal) to complete the exercises.
The personal stories and snippets shared throughout this book are not graphic in nature, and traumatic details are not included. However, you may find that the experiences shared by others hit close to home and trigger disturbing thoughts and emotions, especially as you start facing your own traumatic experiences. Therefore, I highly recommend you seek some type of support — ideally, support from a therapist who specializes in PTSD. If you do not have access to professional help, find someone you trust and can talk to. Someone who is supportive. Someone who understands and can add new perspectives. The information