staircase. Burgundy stuffed the doll deep inside the box and pulled it into her bedroom.
She stiffly sat on the edge of her bed and stared into space for several minutes.
She leaped up and removed the doll to examine it. She retrieved the packing slip wondering if there’d been some type of mistake. But the item was addressed to Nathaniel Taylor. Ordered on August twenty-fourth. It originated from somewhere in China which might explain why the delivery took so long to reach the States.
“Was this Nate’s first time ordering this type of thing?” she said out loud. “Did our lack of a regular sex life force him to go this route?”
Alita walked in while Burgundy was talking to herself.
“Girl, stop tripping. Your husband was a freak, point-blank period. This Becky would probably let him do all the sexual things that you were so against. Some men are like that, if they can’t get it from one woman, they’ll get it from another. Whatever works as long as he gets it in.”
Burgundy let out a loud hiss and tossed the plastic lover on the bed. It buckled up and folded like it was hopelessly intoxicated.
“Damn him. Is this what our marriage ended up being? Something that started out real and authentic, full of love and passion and hope and dreams, Alita, all kinds of dreams. We, Nate and I, wanted to conquer the world. Yet it seems like the world did us in.”
“I know the feeling, Sis. It starts out great, just about everything starts out great. Like a new man or a new job. You feel so pumped. So lit at how everything seemed to be falling in place. But then it goes backwards. It shifts. And the relationship starts to trip, and you don’t want to fall down but you do. I don’t want that anymore, B. I’m walking on pins and needles so that me and Shade stay good. I never want my man to be fucking around with another woman, or even a plastic doll.”
Burgundy screamed at the ceiling. She snatched Becky off the bed and stuffed her head first inside the box. Her long legs stuck out of the top.
“I’m taking this ridiculous piece of shit to the dumpster. How can she compare to me? How?”
“She was going to give it up to him with no excuses, B.”
“Alita, please be quiet.”
“Truth hurts.”
“Truth is a lie, that’s what it is. Ha!” Burgundy banged her fist on top of Becky’s legs and tried to stuff the doll further into the box. She closed the top, found some tape, and secured the opening.
“You can help me take this out to that garbage bin in the garage. I don’t want to see this in my house. I can’t believe him.”
‘You’re in denial, sis. That’s your problem.”
“I don’t recall asking you what problem I had,” Burgundy snapped.
“Even so, you have trouble facing reality. Everything has to be so perfect and so planned out in your world. Life ain’t like that, B. It’s just not. This man craved pussy and it seemed he did almost anything to get it. Messing around with Elyse, messing around with that strange chick at the funeral, and now this.”
Burgundy covered her ears.
Alita removed her hands.
“Denying shit won’t solve a thing. Most people can’t deal with the truth. That’s what’s wrong with the world. We want things the way we believe them to be instead of how they really are.”
“But this doesn’t make sense. He never told me anything like this.”
“That’s because your husband knew you better than anybody else. He knew you wouldn’t go for it. Ha, B. You threw the man out of the house, y’all became one of those LAT couples.”
“Basically. We barely had started living apart though.”
“You kicked him out!”
“Alita, no, I did not. I suggested that he leave. At first he resisted but then he was open to it. He moved into the hotel and, after a while, Nate started thinking that the living arrangement would work out better for both of us. It’s not like we were separated or hated each other. And so, we’d meet for a late dinner here and there and discuss our relationship and our legal issues, the kids and so on. And before everything blew up, he even considered getting his own condo, somewhere in mid-town.”
“Yet but long before any of that happened, I remember you telling me that you’d stopped having sex with him. And he loves having sex. What else was he supposed to do? Become a priest? But hell, even some of ‘em can find a way to get laid just like any other man.”
“My goodness, Alita. You’re so vulgar.”
“Truth is offensive, B. It just is.”
“I see. I’m listening to you as difficult as that may be, and it seems like you’re suggesting that I drove him into this? Like really? All of who Nate was, every single disgusting trait, was my fault? Even the Elyse thing?” Burgundy frowned. “No, I refuse to believe it. Because when Nate supposedly first started touching Elyse, that was at least five years ago. And I know we were still making love back then. Nope, no, these events are not my fault. I won’t believe it. I won’t. There has to be some other explanation.”
“Ain’t no other explanation. If one woman won’t do what a man wants, another one will. Even a stinky silicone woman whose tits are bigger than yours and mine put together. Now, on the other hand, that isn’t a good excuse for Nate to do what he did to Elyse. But in his mind, he wasn’t at fault. That’s how a lot of abusers feel, that they’ve done nothing wrong. And that is so wrong.”
“The worst part is I can’t ask him what he was thinking.” Burgundy felt she was fighting an uphill battle. “A dead man can’t talk. All we have are the things Nate left behind. Like this ugly sex doll. And some ugly memories.”
“Oh, but you’re forgetting two other important things.”
“What’s that, Lita?”
“He left you with those two beautiful girls. And as far as I’m concerned, that’s the best thing he’s ever done.”
“Coming from you, that’s a miracle.” Burgundy let out a laugh. “And a miracle is exactly what we need right about now.”
* * *
Hours after Burgundy discovered Nate’s doll, she was at home dealing with household issues when she pondered a sudden idea. She made a quick phone call and then went into the family room where the girls were playing and being watched by Liz.
“Liz,” Burgundy said. “Something critical has come up at the last minute. I need to handle it. This situation might even take all night.” Burgundy attempted to look the woman in her eyes. “That means that I will need your help, need you to stay here with the girls tonight. Can you manage that? Of course, you’ll be generously compensated for your efforts.”
“It’s fine, Mrs. Taylor,” Liz told her. “I don’t mind watching the girls.”
“Can I trust you?” Burgundy’s voice trembled.
When Nate passed away, Burgundy was tempted to fire Liz. Her commitment back then was sketchy at best, but at the same time, Liz had grown to become like a second mom. She, in fact, proved to be one of the most stabilizing forces in Burgundy’s life after her husband died.
“Liz, you know I’m trusting you to watch my babies closely. We don’t need a repeat of what happened last time. In fact, instead of sleeping in the downstairs guest room, you should use the upstairs one.”
Liz nodded.
“Yes, ma’am. You can trust me. I won’t let you down.” Liz felt awful about what happened to Nate and since then had shown great remorse and increased responsibility regarding the girls.
Once Burgundy felt secure that Liz knew what she expected from her, she