Copyright © 2016 by Eric Rosswood
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, including electronic, mechanical or any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher.
Requests for permission should be addressed to:
New Horizon Press
P. O. Box 669
Far Hills, NJ 07931
Eric Rosswood
Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood:
Firsthand Advice, Tips and Stories from Lesbian and Gay Couples
Cover design: Samantha LemMon
Interior design: Scribe Inc.
Author photo: Beki Dawn Photography
Library of Congress Control Number: 2015913633
ISBN-13 (eBook): 978–0-88282–515–1
New Horizon Press
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What People Are Saying About
Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood
“Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood will lead you through moments of both laugh-out-loud humor and immense heartache. This book is informative, emotionally compelling and a must-read for LGBTQ people considering parenthood.”
— Zach Wahls
Author of the national bestseller
My Two Moms: Lessons of Love, Strength, and What Makes a Family
“Like many other LGBT people, I was desperate to be a parent. I wish Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood had been available when I began my own process. It’s a fantastic read, filled with beautiful firsthand experiences of becoming families and, to my mind, the ultimate resource for any LGBT person wanting to be a parent.”
— Charlie Condou
Actor, Writer, Father and Activist
“This book is an eye-opener for what same-sex couples really go through when trying to start a family. In my work as a legislator advocating on behalf of our community, I’ve seen the stumbling blocks many couples face on the path to becoming parents—both in law and in society—and this book is a great resource for couples considering this often difficult process.”
— NY State Assembly Member Daniel J. O’Donnell
Sponsor of New York’s Marriage Equality Act and the state’s groundbreaking anti-bullying legislation, the Dignity for All Students Act.
“The resources available to same-sex couples wanting to have children are limited, but Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood helps fill that void. The couples in this book have sacrificed their privacy and personal lives to make this road less traveled easier and brighter for future families. This is a must-read for anyone considering adoption.”
— Tania Bradkin
Commissioner of Social Services for the City of Santa Monica
“Raising a child is one of the most rewarding experiences we can have, but for same-sex couples, the countless possibilities for starting a family can be overwhelming. Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood does a great job when it comes to breaking everything down, comparing all the options and helping readers figure out which path is right for them. I’m so happy a resource like this is available!”
—Judy Appel
Executive Director, Our Family Coalition
Table of Contents
Foreword by Melissa Gilbert
Introduction by Charlie Condou
Preface
Part 1: Open Adoption
Mat and Eric Rosswood
Chris and Novia Rowzee
Matthew Smith and Trey Darnell
Manuel and Dale
Part 2: Foster Parenting and Adopting from Foster Care
Cori Ferguson and Casey Garrison
Duke and Steve Nelson
Diana Buchbinder
Rob Watson
Thomas Whaley and Carl Leichthammer
Lisa Blake and Kerry Booth
Part 3: Surrogacy
David and Josh
Kevin Wakelin
Part 4: Assisted Reproduction
Elaine Boyd and Cathy Smith
Sarah Ann Gilbert
Rudene and Anna-Marie du Preez
Lois D’Imperio and Holly Robinson
Jenn and Michele Margiotta-Watz
Part 5: Co-Parenting
Paul and Dustin
George Tennant
Epilogue by Gabriel Blau
Words of Advice
Wrapping Things Up
Acknowledgments
Appendix A: Legal Considerations
Appendix B: Reasons Why and Challenges
Appendix C: Questions to Ask
DEDICATION
To my parents, Doyle and Bonnie Ross, for putting up with five boys and showing us what family is really about; my husband, Mat, for the love and support you’ve given me throughout this adventure; Stephanie and Josh for helping us start a family of our own and our son, Connor, for giving me inspiration and motivation in life.
Also, I want to thank everyone who shared their personal stories, experiences and advice with me. Without all of you, this book would not have been possible.
by Melissa Gilbert
New York Times best-selling author, wife, mother, actor and activist
Several years ago, I found myself reliving key moments of my life as I started to piece together stories for my memoir. As with most people in the world, my life has been filled with plenty of ups and downs. Through it all, the one thing that stood out to me was the reoccurring theme of family. And when I say family, I don’t just mean the nuclear type with a mom, a dad, two-and-a-half kids and a white picket fence. I mean the kind of family built on love, where people are there for each other through thick and thin no matter what happens in life.
This theme dates back to my father, who was an only child and lived with his parents in Philadelphia before being sent away when he was about eight or nine years old. He went to live with a family of circus performers and learned how to be an aerialist like his mother. After both of his parents died when he was just a teenager, he wound up traveling in a circus with his surrogate family.
As for me, I was adopted when I was just a few days old and