Who You Were Meant to Be. Lindsay C. Gibson

around and pouting childishly when things did not go her way. However, Kathy did not want to make a scene, so she pushed down her feelings of outrage over her mother’s insensitive behavior. The strain of this internal tension exhausted Kathy, and left the door wide open for her ego to do what it does best: stir up self-doubt.

      Instead of continuing to be angry with her mother, Kathy turned her anger and frustration inward and began to doubt all her growth and progress thus far. Notice the non sequitur here, so common to the ego’s illogic. Kathy’s distress over her mother’s behavior somehow in Kathy’s mind became transformed into a cause for pessimism about her capabilities and her future. Kathy’s ego had used those wobbly moments of internal conflict to shake her confidence and tarnish her integrity with a nonsensical train of thought. Once we realized what had upset her and how it left her vulnerable to the ego’s illogical tactics, Kathy was able to see the incident clearly and her depression lifted. When she no longer supported the ego in its attack on her, its power fizzled.

       Hand-me-downs

      The ego has the peculiar characteristic of presenting itself as the most personal and real part of you, and yet it is literally the most unoriginal part of you. The ego is all borrowed. It is not who you really are, who you came into the world as. It is an assortment of survival memories from other people’s pasts. Like hand-me-down clothing, it does not always fit well. Our parents or society may have passed down these antiquated beliefs direcdy into our scared little child egos. So when you are judging yourself harshly or feeling total certainty about your chances for failure, just take a moment and ask yourself if that is really your idea, or if you inherited that attitude from someone else.

      It can be very hard to consider rejecting ideas and beliefs that we have held all our lives. It can be the hardest thing in the world to think originally, to look at the evidence and form another conclusion different from what you have been told all your life.

      Yet this is what you will do if you are going to become who you were really meant to be. Your true self does not consist of the fears and opinions that have been passed down to you like great grandmother’s quilt To find our true purpose we have to begin seeing the ego part of our personality for what it is and start refusing to let it have the final say over us. The ego’s aim is destruction, despair, and the disconnection of positive ties with other people. As we will see in a later chapter, some positive ties with other people are going to be necessary for your success, because nobody does anything completely on their own. Nevertheless, the ego does not want you to trust other people or move outside your family. It wants you to listen only to it.

       The Ego is Not Your Conscience

      The ego is not your conscience (6). Your conscience has constructive motives and basically serves your best interests because it helps you operate from wisdom rather than impulse. It is a good thing to think twice before breaking the law or doing something that would hurt someone else. As your guide for ethical living, the prodding of a well-oiled conscience can have long-term benefits. But the ego only desires your unhappiness and must be differentiated from the conscience if we are ever to be free of it. Just think of the ego as your conscience’s evil twin.

      Of course, the ego, being the parasitic, alien life form that it is, masquerades as a part of its host. You hear the ego, and you think it is your conscience talking. It feels highly moral and righteous, as if it were infallible. It tells you “how things really are,” things such as: you’re never going to amount to anything, you’re a dreamer, it will never work, and you’re being selfish. But whatever it says, it destroys your motivation.

      Conscience instructs, but it does not undermine initiative nor rob you of energy. When your real conscience tells you something, the knowledge imparted adds to your ability to cope. The conscience gives you guidance, advice, prompts redirection, promotes apologies, and steers you in the right direction. The ego, on the other hand, is only interested in taking things away from you and keeping you scared. Conscience adds, ego subtracts.

      Many people worry that conscience-less behavior is being promoted when they are encouraged to develop more self-interest. This worry is another example of ego nonsense. Self-development and conscience support each other and balance our psychological growth. We need our consciences. We do not need the ego, that life-sucking leech that masquerades as your conscience and ruins your chances at true happiness.

       Pretzel Logic

      The ego has its own peculiar logic which can be very persuasive when it is delivered cleverly in little bits and pieces at a time. The ego does not expose its whole agenda at once, because if it did, you would immediately identify the deceiver and know better. It instead just whispers a little doubt in your ear or suggests doing the very thing that will lead you down the road to ultimate discouragement. Taken a piece at a time, the ego’s advice appears to make perfect sense. But only if you are not wise to it If you know what the ego is up to—to keep you from finding lasting happiness—and you know how it operates (negatively and destructively), you are forewarned and forearmed for the false knowledge the ego might try to offer you. Think of the ego as a doubt dealer, and just say no.

      Not everybody has an over-developed, destructive ego, but it can be presumed to be present whenever a person feels chronic frustration about his or her life. If your ego is well-developed and likes to work overtime, there will be certain reliable signs of its negative influence, like symptoms of depression, anxiety, and nagging unfulfillment.

      The philosophy of life that the ego really supports must be looked at all at once out in the open where we can really see how the components of the ego mind work. Once exposed, you will never again be so naive as to trust its opinions blindly.

       THE EGO’S SURVIVAL GUIDE GAME PLAN

       1) Chase Your Tail

      The ego encourages indecisiveness and pointless tail-chasing. This is especially encouraged at three o’clock in the morning, or any other time when there is nothing you can do about that which is bothering you.

      The ego wants you to worry about what you did, what you did not do, and what you are about to do. The chief characteristic of ego worry is that it produces nothing but suffering, and subtracts from your ability to cope with a situation. The result is you worry about everything without resolving anything.

       2) Use a Cannon to Kill a Fly

      The ego leads you to believe that anything worth doing must be done perfectly. This includes the silliest, most inconsequential tasks. It encourages you to wear yourself out pouring pointless effort into meaningless little things, so you will not be in danger of success in the big things.

       3) Put It Off