Jeff Cioletti

Drink Like a Geek


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Hope: The Cantina

      The iconic watering hole in Tattooine’s port city of Mos Eisley is everything you’d expect it to be: gritty, sleazy, and more than a little bit dangerous.

      Since the Cantina is essentially the Wild West, Ferencz thinks a “cheap-ass bourbon” would be the drink of choice. I am on board for that. His suggestion is kind of refreshing since so much of today’s bourbon consumption is about high-priced connoisseurship. Sometimes it’s okay to drink like a cowboy. So, pour yourself a glass of Old Granddad and immerse yourself in that “wretched hive of scum and villainy.”

      Empire Strikes Back: Darth Vader’s Bespin Banquet

      Vader would be honored if you would join him for a few glasses of the lightly peated Compass Box No Name Blended Scotch. “This is exactly where my mind went when you said ‘Darth Vader,’ ” Ferencz says. “It’s a very Vader-ish bottle.” Indeed it is. The label is an opaque black.

      Return of the Jedi: Post-Battle of Endor Celebration

      You just blew up the second Death Star. What are you going to do? Take it from the Scotch Trooper. When you’re dancing around the Ewok village, you’re going to want to be sipping Lagavulin 16. “At least for me, that’s always my go-to when I feel like I’ve accomplished something,” Ferencz reveals. “It’s something that’s accessible, but feels like it’s a step above. You want it to be accessible, not something like Balvenie 30.”

      Prequels (I Warned You)

      The Phantom Menace

      This one is more about what happens on the other side of the screen. Sure, Episode I has its fans—hell, even I saw the damn thing nine times in theaters, wanting to like it—but it really is the low point of the saga.

      “You need a Laphraoiag ten-year-old cask strength to deal with watching it,” says Ferencz. “There’s nothing better than an Islay cask-strength whiskey. Of course, that depends on how much you can tolerate that peaty smokiness—some find it as cloying as Jar Jar Binks.”

      Attack of the Clones: Obi-Wan’s Bar Order

      Obi-Wan and Anakin are chasing bounty hunter Zam Wessell through the skyways of Coruscant. Back on the ground, Obi-Wan and his Padawan enter a bar. The Jedi Master says he’s getting a drink. What does he order? A Glenfiddich highball, Ferencz confidently asserts. “I feel like he would want something that is whiskey-related, but still refreshing at the same time. For some reason, I don’t see him as a neat whiskey guy at this point in his life.” Foiling assassination attempts does make one thirsty, so a highball fits the bill.

      Revenge of the Sith: Obi-Wan Goes into Exile

      Okay, Obi-Wan is a few years older. He’s also a bit battle-worn, having served as a general in the Clone Wars from beginning to end. Now, he’s ready for the neat whiskey, and it’s a doozy: Balvenie 30. “It’s just something he’s going to want to sip and savor over the next few years in isolation. It’s nice, delicate and smooth, and you know he’s going to savor every drop.” Also, Ewan MacGregor is a Scotsman, so, there’s that.

      Sequel Trilogy

      The Force Awakens: Maz’s Bar

      There’s a definite speakeasy vibe to Maz’s joint, one that defies branding. “I just feel like it would be some people creating their own whiskey in the back, moonshining it.” Be careful when you drink the stuff, though. It might cause you to have some rather violent visions that’ll send you running into the woods.

      The Last Jedi: Canto Bight Casino

      Where the Mos Eisley Cantina is all about cheap bourbon, the ostentatious Canto Bight gambling hall is definitely a place for the high-end, special Macallan releases.

      The Standalones

      Rogue One: Jyn and Cassian’s Last Drink

      Our heroes just completed their mission, but they know that they are personally doomed. The Death Star is about to use Scarif for target practice. Hopefully there’s a hip flask in someone’s pocket. Ferencz’s pick: Glendronach 15 or something from Glenfarclas. His reasoning: “It’s one of those drams for me that make me realize there’s a lot of great whiskey out there that’s not being overly marketed. Cassian and Jyn wouldn’t be suckers to marketing.”

      Solo: Dryden Vos’s Yacht

      See also: Canto Bight casino. You get a lot of the same unsavory types of people with a lot of money to throw around—and they just want to be seen throwing it around. They just find the most expensive bottle that they can buy and do shots of it, but they wouldn’t know any better. If they still use paper money, they would probably be lighting their cigars with it.

      Yoda Gin Fizz

      When I asked Ben Paré—bar manager at Miami’s iconic Fontainebleau resort and formerly of New York’s Sanctuary T—to contribute a Star Wars-themed drink to this collection, he was more than happy to oblige with this riff on a Ramos Gin Fizz. It’s green like our favorite Jedi master.

      •2 ounces gin of choice

      •1 dash orange blossom water

      •1 large egg white

      •1 bar spoon matcha powder

      •½ ounce coconut cream

      •½ ounce fresh lemon juice

      •½ ounce fresh lime juice

      •¾ ounce simple syrup

      •Seltzer (optional)

      •Grated nutmeg (garnish)

      Combine all ingredients in a shaker, dry shake until the egg white is fully emulsified, add ice, and shake again. Then, double strain through a fine mesh strainer into a tall Collins glass. (Top with an optional splash of seltzer for some extra froth.) Garnish with freshly grated nutmeg.

      Photo Credit: Ben Paré

      Mos Eisley by Way of Amsterdam

      When most people think of drinking in Amsterdam, it usually involves a brand that rhymes with Schmeineken. But what a lot of outsiders don’t realize about the Dutch capital is that it has cultivated, in just a few short years, one of the most celebrated craft cocktail scenes in all of Europe—the world even—with bars like Rosalia’s Menagerie, HPS (Hiding in Plain Sight), and Tales & Spirits. The folks running Tales & Spirits have quite the geeky streak running through them and serve a mix series of pop culture-inspired cocktails, one of which is a Star Wars collection. Each drink in the collection features ingredients inspired by key locations in the original trilogy.

      Utinni!

      Named after the notorious Jawa exclamation, Utinni! draws its inspiration from the diminutive droid dealers’ (and the Mos Eisley Cantina’s) home planet, Tatooine. The drink showcases spirits made from agave, which thrive in similarly dry climates. It also features a nod to Tunisia, the real-world location where George Lucas filmed the Tatooine scene. The cocktail recipe includes ras el hanout, a spice mix native to Tunisia and other North African countries.

      •1 ounce Don Julio blanco tequila

      •½ ounce Apprendiz Espadin mezcal

      •1/3 ounce Galliano Authentico

      •1 ounce orange ras el hanout elixir (see recipe below)

      •1/3 ounce simple syrup

      •2 dashes of Force tincture (see recipe below)

      Stir all ingredients in a cocktail shaker and pour into a rocks glass over one large cube of ice. Garnish with lemon zest, dehydrated lime wheel, and edible violet.

      For the orange ras el hanout elixir, combine 1 liter of orange juice, 10 grams of ras el hanouth, and 30 grams of citric acid.

      For the Force tincture, roast and grind 10 grams of dried hibiscus, 3