Mr. Lawrence. You a city boy?”
City boy.
Aiden always had a problem with that label. There was a fine line between residing somewhere and claiming its culture as your own. And the hustle-and-bustle pace of city life lost its appeal in the last year or so. Especially when it came to crowded, claustrophobic public transit.
“Sure,” he responded. “Live in the U-District of Seattle.”
“You look a little old to be a student. How old are you? What are you studying?”
Prying already? Aiden knew he shouldn’t be that surprised.
“Turning 30 this year,” he said calmly. “Studying business, but taking some time off.”
“Ah, ‘reflecting,’ right?” Rosemary said, surprisingly free of sarcasm.
“More or less. Just wasn’t feeling it anymore. Working as a server at a downtown restaurant for the meantime.”
“Interesting.”
Aiden was confused by that comment, wondering whether to be flattered or uncomfortable.
“What makes you say that?”
As before, she held her gaze and almost seemed to take inventory with her eyes.
Strange enough, it didn’t feel threatening.
“Life has a way of teaching you how to read people,” she said. “Just at the surface initially.”
They sat in silence for a minute, watching the sun approach the horizon.
“And what brings you here?” Rosemary asked.
“Just took an evening drive,” Aiden said.
“I mean here,” Rosemary said, her tone a bit heavier. “What brings an intelligent, big-city guy like you to Cielo Island of all places?”
Good question, Aiden thought. Throughout the process of making the necessary arrangements to get to the island, he didn’t really get down to the “why” factor.
“Call it a transition period,” he said.
“Fair enough,” Rosemary agreed.
Aiden picked up the slightest hint of suspicion in her tone. Maybe not suspicion, but doubt nonetheless.
“Looking for a different answer?” he pressed.
“Look, Mr. Lawrence. I don’t know you from Adam, and I’m not about to prod into your personal life the second you step foot on this rock. Maybe I don’t even want to know,” she said, after which she looked off to the setting sun. She held her silence, clearly planning how to articulate her thoughts as the waves continued to crash against the rocks below.
“People don’t just stumble across this place. It isn’t exactly the hottest tourist spot in the region, and yuppies don’t come here to start their careers. People either grow up here, or they run here to escape from somewhere else.”
Aiden didn’t respond immediately. He didn’t know if he should. Was Rosemary baiting him? Trying to lead him down a path to reach a conclusion?
He stood up, still facing southwest. He slowly stepped toward the edge to look down.
Big leap, he thought.
Big leaps require a significant amount of trust, and even more faith – neither of these things came easily to Aiden, especially when it came to people. Soured relationships didn’t help, and he wasn’t about to start spilling his guts to a complete stranger the first night on some remote island.
There was something about Rosemary, though. Like she cared about him. Almost a maternal aura.
“Things change,” he finally said, not dropping his guard. “Life changes, people change. Yeah, I know there’s always the next step, whatever. Sometimes I don’t care about that next step. You just go with the flow.”
“And this is where ‘the flow’ took you?” she asked, looking up at him.
“Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t. I’m here now. What’s next doesn’t matter.”
“Sounds like more of a cross road than a transition,” she said.
“What’s the difference?”
“Transitions have a clear ‘next step.’ You know where you’re heading. There’s fear, but there’s certainty.”
She turned to the right and pointed to the ground, using her finger to mark two spots in the dirt.
“Point A, Point B,” she said, pointing to the two respective dots. “You have your time at Point A, and sooner or later you need to move to Point B. They’re entirely different and a lot of change will be involved. But you at least have an idea of what’s coming next.”
Aiden nodded and bit the side of his lip. Rosemary clearly liked her own analogies, but she seemed to be going somewhere with this one, and she had his attention.
Philosophical discussions were fine by him because you can explore the abstract without bringing yourself into the picture. That’s how he saw it, at least.
He preferred it that way.
As Aiden turned to face her, Rosemary dusted away the two dots and drew a cross in the dirt.
“A cross road is the end of something, at which point you’re staring into the unknown. There are a lot of unmarked roads ahead of you, and you have no assurance as to what’s down each road.”
She let it hang in the silence for a bit. So did he. The sun was now touching the horizon, but neither of them seemed to notice.
“Maybe ‘crossfire’ is a better word,” Aiden said. “More variables, more players, less safety.”
As he spoke, Rosemary squinted her eyes and brought her brows closer together, as if to say “Ah ha!” in response to Aiden’s words. As if he had somehow disclosed too much and let her in.
“So how do you move forward?” she asked.
Aiden’s defenses were alerted, and he swiftly segued back to the philosophical argument. Rosemary was no shrink, and this look-out point was no therapist couch.
“Why should you?” Aiden asked. “Why does it always have to be about moving forward? What’s so wrong with the present?”
“The present isn’t a bad place, Aiden. And moving forward doesn’t always mean a change of scenery.”
“Is standing still really so bad?” he asked.
Rosemary nodded, her eyes open and engaged. Not defensive, but caring. She really did seem to care. That maternal vibe again.
“The way I see it,” she said, “when you come to a cross road – or crossfire, whatever you want to call it – you’ve got two options. You can stay put; don’t proceed any further. You’re in the safe zone. But you’re not safe. You’re held captive by fear. And this fear is, in all irony, far more dangerous than the crossfire itself. Yes, you’re exposed to external dangers if you move forward – but fear paralyzes you.”
Aiden wasn’t expecting that strong of a response.
She paused, stood up and looked out as the sun was mostly set.
“In a sense, fear is pride inside out. ‘What will happen to me?’ ‘What will they think of me?’ ‘Why should I be the one to make the first move?’ You make yourself the victimized star of your own universe. And of course, your problems and anxieties are far more interesting than anyone else’s.”
Aiden stood there, looking at her. Dumbstruck. Never thought he’d hear such revelations from a cashier.
“By the way,” Rosemary said, “when I say ‘you,’ it’s entirely figurative. I know nothing about you other