a ton, being firm but warm in discipline, lots of hugs . . . and sleep.
This book is about how to do those things, which will help you lay the foundation for raising a pretty great kid: smart, happy, social, emotionally healthy, moral, curious, loved.
Best of luck to both of us.
Tracy
Pregnant women tend to have a long to-do list. Put “weekly massages” on the list, and don’t fret about the rest. Baby’s needs are minimal: a couple key nutrients, whatever sleep and exercise you can manage, and low stress. Spend your time cultivating friendships.
Peace and quiet, please (at first)
Can you turn your embryo into a genius in the womb?
No. For decades, product manufacturers have preyed on vulnerable parents-to-be: give birth to a smarter, calmer, more attentive baby who can already spell!
It started in 1979 with Prenatal University, a twice-daily program in which you pressed your pregnant belly while teaching your fetus words such as “pat,” “shake,” and “rub.” Then came the Pregaphone, which amplified your voice into the womb so that you could communicate even earlier with baby. You placed a plastic funnel on your belly and spoke into a mouthpiece connected via a tube. Today’s descendants include a belt that emits heartbeat sounds. You wrap it around your pregnant belly for two hours a day to train your fetus to discriminate sounds. The claim: it will “enrich your unborn child’s forming cognitive, empathic, and creative skills.”
Lured into the marketing copy, you can’t help but wonder, “What if it really does work?” Save your money. No commercial product that claims to boost the braininess of a developing fetus has ever been scientifically proven to do anything useful.
Baby’s needs are simple
Perhaps baby is too busy to bother with any interference from products. In the first half of pregnancy, baby starts creating her first brain cells—neurons—at the crazy rapid rate of 250,000 per minute. In the second half of pregnancy, the brain begins connecting those neurons, creating 700 synapses per second in the first few years of life. All baby needs at this stage is the nourishment you provide by eating well, exercising, and reducing your stress.
We tend not to live near our families, and who pops over for tea anymore when there’s txt msgs and Facebook?
We’re increasingly isolated. But taking care of a baby is one thing you should not try to do alone. Parents need the emotional and practical support, and babies benefit from exposure to plenty of people. Social isolation can stress you and your marriage, in turn creating an environment harmful to baby.
You’re going to need help. And it’s up to you to make sure you get it.
You’ll need friends to . . .
• bond with while your babies, preferably the same age, play together.
• watch baby while you sleep, shower, get a pedicure, or just do whatever.
• bring you dinner in the early weeks, when you won’t want meals to involve much more than finding a fork.
• babysit, so you and your partner can have a regular date night.
• join you for girls’ night or guys’ night.
Apart from your existing friends, family, and neighbors, where can you find these people?
Plan dates with other parents-to-be from your childbirth education class.
Join a social group for new parents on meetup.com.
Ask around your neighborhood. You might be surprised by the number of resources for new parents. My neighborhood, for example, has a message-board group for parents, a yoga studio with prenatal and mom & baby classes, a café with a baby play area, a children’s museum, classes for parents (breastfeeding, babywearing, bitch sessions), classes for babies (music, movement, swimming, story time at the library), new-parent support groups, and parents’ nights out hosted by churches, community centers, and baby gyms. Before baby, I didn’t know most of these existed.
Talk to strangers. Strike up a conversation with another parent or parent-to-be at the park or grocery store—as simple as “Aww, how old is your baby? What is she doing these days?” or “How are you holding up?” Share something honest. Don’t pretend everything’s perfect and perpetuate the unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves.
Then, don’t leave without exchanging contact info: “Hey, let me give you my e-mail address.”
TRY THIS
Before baby, invite your dearest friends over for a cooking party, and stock up on freezer-friendly meals. Nourishingmeals.com has ideas for new moms.
As your due date nears, sign up with an online meal registry. This is a huge help in organizing the visitors who, bless them, offer to bring you hot meals.
When you’re pregnant, everyone wants you to eat a lot.
“Are you having a craving?” my husband would ask eagerly, ready to make a late-night snack run. “Here, finish these,” friends ordered, pushing the fries in my direction. “Go for it,” colleagues said as I went for seconds or thirds. “You’re eating for two!”
Eventually a couple things sank in:
• You may be eating for two, but one of you is very, very small.
• You need only 300 extra calories a day in the first trimester. And only 350 extra in the second trimester. (That’s one eight-grain roll at Starbucks.) And only 450 extra calories in the third. (A couple of oranges with your roll.)
A better way to think of “eating for two”
Focus instead on providing baby with two key nutrients:
FOLIC ACID
What it does: cuts risk of neural tube defects by 76 percent
What it is: vitamin B9
How to get it: leafy greens (spinach, asparagus, turnip greens, lettuce), legumes (beans, peas, lentils), sunflower seeds, prenatal vitamins
When to eat it: four weeks before conception and during the first four weeks of pregnancy
OMEGA-3S
What they do: aid normal brain development. Babies whose moms got enough omega-3s (300 mg of DHA per day) were better at memory, recognition, attention, and fine motor skills at 6 months old.
What they are: essential fatty acids (ALA, DHA, and EPA), part of the membranes that make up a neuron
How to get them: Eat at least twelve ounces per week of oily fish with low concentrations of mercury. Flaxseed oil isn’t converted by the body efficiently enough. Algae-derived DHA capsules (600 mg per day) have potential but are less studied.
When to eat them: Now. Then keep it up.
THE RESEARCH
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