In recent years professionals have been taught that the best way to negotiate is no longer to win, but to create a win-win result. Both parties gain in equal proportion, and are therefore satisfied with the outcome.
Give them what they want and they will be happy!
It sounds quite logical but is that really the only truth?
If it were, then I would not be able to paint a scene where you get everything you could wish for...
and still be unsatisfied with the outcome!
But this is shockingly easy.
Imagine you want to sell me an object that is worth 15.000 and start out with your highest asking price of 19.000.
Instead of negotiating, I immediately shake your hand and say; “Sold!” Then I slap your shoulder and thank you over and over again.
Now, how does that make you feel?
Keep in mind that you should be very satisfied to receive your highest asking price… but I predict that your happiness will not last.
Why? That is the million-dollar question!
You are not happy because....I made you realise that you started too low.
Suddenly, you “know” (feel, sense) that I was willing to pay even more.
Who put that suggestion into your head?
Well, I triggered it and if we can direct our opponent’s most inner thoughts in this simple manner then we are well on our way to determining the outcome of any negotiation.
Is it clear that this emotion has nothing to do with any reality or value?
It no longer matters what the books or experts say your product is worth, because now you “know” for sure that you have made a mistake. You started too low.
This is a prime example of how self-centred and vulnerable our thoughts are during dealings, of how easy it is for another person to control and direct our thoughts. The event blew knowledge that you would otherwise swear by, straight out of the water! You know what just happened? This shows how neuroeconomics works – simply and reliably.
SOLUTION: Reading this calmly in your easy chair, it’s all very clear to you. What really happened was that I accepted too fast. That doesn’t mean you would not fall for it if it happened to you. Keep this in mind: our perception during negotiations becomes blurred. We cannot see the forest for the trees because every single detail of information must pass through our filter – a filter that consists of our deepest hopes and fears. What comes out afterwards may give us a completely distorted picture. I have helped countless individuals with their negotiations who were stumbling around blindfolded and totally unaware of it.
Do you see the seemingly unbreakable relevance – between outcome and satisfaction – shrink away?
The other party was so sure that they only had to give in to your demand to satisfy you, but although you received more than you wanted, you are still unhappy with the outcome. This makes no sense and according to current knowledge, it should not be possible.
If my answer had been:
“What? No way. Anything over 12,000 is out of the question!” then, after a harsh negotiation, you had to let it go for 14,500, or 500 less than the value.
Well, you would feel so-so about the deal, but knowing that you had made the best of it, you would be able to put the moment aside and move on, and again I know what goes through your head...”At least it is sold!”
Which means that your happiness did not depend on the bare outcome but on the feelings that the proceedings left you with, and that happens to be what Neuroeconomics is all about – the proceedings outweigh the result.
So the dilemma starts with our deep-founded personal involvement, a sometimes confusing mixture of facts and feelings. What we should notice is that our feelings almost always trump the facts and we don’t even notice it.
There is no mistake in this book that I have not made myself first. We can only get well when we dare to admit that we are ill, and take our medicine.
The auction mind set
NegoLogic introduces the term “auction mind set”. It means accepting a value based on what someone else thinks it is worth. It triggers the feeling of a safety net. So long as there is another bidder who is willing to pay nearly the same amount as you you’ll feel that electric impulse of excitement when you beat someone to the punch.
Example
You find yourself at an auction where you spot a table you really like. The bidding starts off at 500 and you are bidding against one other person. Both of you are very persistent. Finally your opponent bids 1000, and you get it for 1050. You have won the auction (note the linguistics!). You are not losing money but have won the chance to spend it.
In your predictable mind, only the final 50 may have been too much. Now the other buyer may have escaped from a lunatic asylum, but that idea does not enter your brain because it does not suit your Story2Tell. I outsmarted him sounds so much better. Meanwhile what really happened was that you based your value on someone else’s, a complete stranger’s. You just assumed that this man was an expert when it came to tables like this one – and he happened to think the same about you!
In fact you both drowned in a sea of emotions.
Let’s imagine the same scenario without any buyers, because the poor man failed to clear the gate of the madhouse. Then you’ll get that table for 500, the opening bid but now the whole 500 is at risk of seeming too much because nobody else wanted it. So maybe it’s worthless?
That means you were happy to pay 1050 and seriously doubting paying 500. Same item, same value. All we have changed is the emotion of winning.
The winning emotion
Do you enjoy going to the casino every now and then? After days, weeks, months or years of at times thinking the best and the worst of yourself at work as well as at home it is really pleasant to get a clear outcome even if you lose a bit of cash in the process. Your defence is theStory2Tell that in the end everyone loses in the casino!
But when you are the lucky fool sitting at the jackpot machine at the right time, you can feel a winner!
And here everyone knows about your success instantly because lights are blinking, music is playing and people congratulate you.
Isn’t that the clear recognition we are lacking in everyday life?
Mind you we are complimenting your brilliant decision to sit down in a chair and pull a handle at exactly the right moment. Pure luck, nothing genius about it. Yet casino winners are overwhelmed by emotions that money cannot buy.
Linguistics
Note also that the words winning and losing in particular can be used to create any reaction you desire.
This is the main reason why we can play with values during negotiations, because it can be so easy to predict what people will feel in certain situations. Sometimes a loser, sometimes a winner but always predictably so. It is the emotion that counts.
Perhaps this is the basis of all the revelations of NegoLogic:
If the emotion feels wrong, the deal cannot be right
Your opponent can be corrected by “the facts” as he gets to see them during the proceedings.
We can make good use of this discovery.
Allow others to choose between a slightly disappointing result that they can live with, or seemingly no