strong man to wrap me in his arms, to
laugh with me in love and belonging, shedding
my sophistication.
no one to hear whether i felt encouraged or
disappointed about people’s receptiveness to
me and my dreams.
no child to scoop up and squeeze and call
my own.
it’s amusing. a lot of people think my world is
glamorous. airplanes and hotels and faraway
cities.
there are many special things i love and cherish…
and there are long layovers in
enormous airports
and cold hotel rooms on winter nights
and crowds to stumble through,
down endlessly long corridors,
as i try to get to a gate to catch a plane,
dash and still miss it.
and people who scrutinize me with a frown when
i bound in the door of the auditorium,
and days when i am feeling so tired and so
unattractive
and i still have to smile and cover my
insecurities and weariness in front of several
hundred… instead of going home
and hiding.
it had been a successful convention, and i was
seated on a TWA jet in st. louis, returning home.
yummmmmmmm.
just as we started to pull away from the gate,
engines stopped, and a stewardess said,
“evacuate immediately. this is an emergency.
leave everything in your seats.”
and we did…
for five hours. we were kept in an area of the airport
while they thoroughly investigated a bomb
threat.
i felt drained and exhausted from a lot of speaking,
and devastated that i couldn’t be on my way home.
when we finally reboarded, i turned to the man
next to me.
“how are you feeling?”
“lousy… yep, really lousy.”
“me, too. you know, i could smack whoever
gave that bomb threat. sir, i’m a Christian.
Jesus is Lord of my life, but i’m not a ‘miss pollyanna’
in an experience like this. sir,
you know what i really love about Jesus?
i think He knows just how we feel.”
the man threw his head back and roared with
laughter.
“you’re the first Christian i ever met who
makes it sound real and exciting…”
another day i arrived in a sunny, warm southern
city to speak. i wondered, as i deboarded, who
would be there to meet me. usually, i never know
the people, and they identify me. that day, no one
did.
it was exactly thirty minutes before i was to be at a
certain hotel to address a banquet. the flight was
long, and i needed to change and freshen up. i
wandered around the terminal area awhile, hoping
someone would claim me. i saw an older couple
stare a lot in my direction. they seemed like
possible candidates… very conservative in their
appearance, and it was a church conference. they
walked back and forth as i leaned against a counter
finally, i had the air lines page,
“party meeting ann kiemel… please
come to united’s information desk…”
this couple did… only five feet away… just watching
me. i smiled shyly, hoping they would respond.
then i became paranoid.
“what is it they don’t like about me? my dress
is long. it has sleeves, the neckline is high, and i’m
not gaudied up in jewelry. i’ve got sandals on,
but…”
suddenly the man, with wrinkled frown, called out,
“do you know ann kiemel?”
i spilled into smiles… “it’s me! i’m ann.”
they didn’t smile. nor offer to carry my bag. they
walked ahead of me in silence, and led me to their
car parked at the far end of the airport. they
crawled in the front seat and closed their doors,
and i sheepishly got in back. nothing was said as we
drove to the hotel. the man again parked far from
the entrance, and neither helped me crawl out or
offered to carry my things. when we got inside,
they pressed the elevator button for the banquet
room, and i became frantic…
“sir, my room! i must change…”
he shrugged his shoulders, so i marched to the desk
and registered myself. and when i turned to go my
eyes caught the wife with another woman, shaking
her head in negative dismay.
when i got to my room, i fell across the bed
and sobbed.
“Jesus, i can’t go down there to that banquet.
they don’t like me. i won’t fit in. i’m going to
be rejected without even being heard. i’m so
scared…”
for a few minutes, i forgot time. i didn’t care. i
could only wail. then i pulled myself up, washed
my face, changed clothes and walked out with a
straight back, my head high, and my eyes very red.
someone there had faith enough to call me to do
this, and God would help me. i walked into the
large banquet room, and was instantly greeted by
warm, charming people with strong handshakes
and wide smiles. i couldn’t even find the couple
who picked me up…
until afterward.
after i had spoken, and God had powerfully
graced the evening,