Feeding with Love and Good Sense: The First Two Years. Ellyn Satter

She feels good about eating: Every child wants to eat and can enjoy eating if she gets the right help. Older children who are good eaters enjoy family meals—and their parents do, too.

       She eats as much or as little as she needs: Only she knows how much she needs. Trusting her lets her be healthy and energetic and grow up to have the body that nature intended for her.

       She eats what you eat with only minor changes: She is okay with being offered food she has never seen before. She can “sneak up” on new food and learn to like it.

       She behaves nicely at mealtime: She picks and chooses from what you provide for the meal. She says “yes, please,” and “no, thank you.” She does not make a fuss.

       You can raise a good eater.

       Follow the division of responsibility. Doing your jobs with feeding and trusting your child to do his jobs with eating lets him feel and do best—and you, too.

       Understand your child’s development and temperament. Feed—and parent—in the way that is right for each stage.

       Solve feeding problems by applying what you have learned in this booklet.

      By 8 to 18 months, your tiny baby will be ready to join in when you have family-friendly meals. From the very first breast- or formula-feeding, to let your child be a good eater, focus on the quality of feeding rather than the quantity she eats.

      

2. Follow the division of responsibility

      The best way to feed your child—no matter her age—is to follow the division of responsibility. As a parent, you provide structure, support, and opportunities to learn. Your child chooses how much and whether to eat from what you provide. The division of responsibility in feeding is authoritative parenting: It encourages you to take leadership with feeding and give your child autonomy with eating.

       The division of responsibility for infants

       You are responsible for what to feed your child.

       Your child is responsible for how much to eat (and everything else).

      You choose breastfeeding or formula-feeding. Then you help your baby be calm and alert by feeding smoothly and going by information coming from her about when, how often, how fast, and how much.

       The division of responsibility for older babies

       You are still responsible for what you feed your child. You are becoming responsible for when and where to feed your child.

       Your child is still and always responsible for how much and whether to eat the foods you offer her.

       The division of responsibility for toddlers through adolescents

       You are responsible for what, when, and where to feed your child.

       Your child is responsible for how much and whether to eat the foods you put before her.

      Do your jobs with feeding, and trust your child to do her jobs with eating.

      The division of responsibility applies to the child who was prematurely born, is ill, or has special needs. Sections and stories throughout this booklet address those children.

      

       Trust your child to grow in the best way

      Your child has a natural way of growing that is right for her. Her natural growth is in balance with her eating and moving. Maintain the division of responsibility in feeding and in activity (below). Trust her to do her part with eating, moving, and growing.

      Your child’s body shape and size are mostly inherited. Her height and weight are normal for her as long as she grows consistently, even if her growth plots at the extreme upper or lower ends of the growth charts. If her weight or height abruptly shifts up or down on her growth chart, it can mean a problem. Consult a health professional who understands the feeding relationship to rule out feeding, health, or parenting problems.

      You won’t know how your child’s body will turn out until she is toward the end of her teen years. Trying to control or change it will likely create the very outcome you are trying to avoid! As long as you keep your nerve and maintain the division of responsibility with feeding and with activity, her growth may surprise you. The fat baby is likely to slim down. The small, ill, or growth-delayed child is likely to continue to do catchup growth well into her teen years and has a good chance of being bigger than you may expect.

       Follow the division of responsibility in activity

      Children are born loving their bodies. They are curious about their physical capabilities and inclined to be active in a way that is right for them. Good parenting with activity preserves those qualities. Parents provide structure, safety, and opportunities. Children choose how much and whether to move and the manner of moving.

       For infants: