that we might actually become good friends, despite the strange tension between us. One of the strangest friendships is the one between two men pursuing the same woman and we seemed to be heading in that direction. I was both excited and a little nervous. ‘You were telling me about your uncle …’
‘He wasn’t interested in the family business. We have a little house up in the olive groves, which was built so we could spend summers there but no one ever really went. I used to go up there with my uncle. Like I said, he wasn’t interested in working, but he was a really fun guy, always making fun of people – you’d like him. He’d bring me books and the way he’d talk about them inspired me to read them. And I really enjoyed them. Introverts like reading, but you already know that.’
I didn’t take him for an introvert and the look on my face made him laugh.
‘One can be lonely in a crowd,’ he said. ‘It’s a bit of a cliché I’m afraid but, well, sometimes clichés are true.’ So he had some intellectual modesty. His overdone confidence had been undermined by the thought that he’d said something silly. So there were subjects in which he didn’t feel entirely comfortable. I was pleasantly surprised to see that on matters in which he didn’t see himself as the sole authority he was sensitive, even shy.
In my contentment I ignored the clear indications of my own malice. There are times when I can’t see what I’m doing, and this was one of them.
‘Life would be that much harder without clichés,’ I said. ‘Clichés constitute the courtesy that life has taught us. And it’s true that you can be alone in a crowd. Unfortunately crowds are no cure for loneliness. Loneliness is an illness that can only be cured by one person. There’s another cliché for you … But who could deny it?’
‘Some might. But then they probably don’t know anything about loneliness.’
We looked at each other.
Then we both burst out laughing and everyone in the restaurant turned to look at us. It was the last thing I had expected.
I don’t think we really knew why we were laughing but something about our situation and the conversation we were having was suddenly incredibly funny.
He looked at his watch.
‘I should get going. There are things I have to do.’
Standing up, he said, ‘Some friends are coming over this weekend. We’re going to roast a lamb on the spit. You should come over if you have the time. Zuhal’s coming.’
Checkmate.
I was completely thrown. I was chatting with Zuhal every night (we knew the most intimate details about each other) but she’d never told me that she was going to the party.
She had told Mustafa.
So while she was leading me on, she was also speaking to him and even planning to see him.
The blow was devastating. I could hardly control myself.
‘Zuhal’s coming too,’ I said, without concealing my surprise.
He looked at me intently. He’d hit me just where he wanted.
‘That’s right. You should come.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘I’ll try to make it.’
I had another drink after he left. When the other people in the restaurant got up to leave they nodded when our eyes met.
I had been accepted into high society.
But the initiation ceremony would be far more painful.
VIII
The moment I got online I couldn’t help but ask.
‘are you coming to town this weekend?’
The answer was brief and to the point.
‘no.’
‘mustafa said you were.’
The screen was blank.
‘you talked to mustafa?’
‘he came and sat with me at the Çinili restaurant. we had lunch together.’
‘he wants to get to know you. what did he say about me?’
‘he’s roasting a lamb on his farm this weekend. he said you were coming. i was surprised. you never told me you were going.’
‘well i’m not. he sent me a message about it, asking me to come, and i’ll try.’
‘then i suppose he assumed you were going.’
‘he only hears what he wants to. he’s got a special talent for that. what else did he say about me?’
‘nothing. but then he did say you went to the same university.’
‘anything else?’
‘no.’
‘what did he want from you?’
‘he’d read my books. wanted to get to know me.’
‘where did he find them?’
‘i assume he ordered them.’
‘so he saw us together and had someone look into you … be careful, he’s dangerous.’
‘we talked about books. he likes reading. we had a nice lunch.’
‘he’s well read. he actually reads a lot. knows a lot too. history, philosophy. and he can be nice when he wants to be. but that’s just what’s dangerous about him. i could never tell who was the real mustafa. was it that bright and loveable man or that rude and savage one … did he say anything else about me?’
‘no he didn’t.’
‘he was trying to lower your guard, get you to talk … he’s crafty.’
‘he asked me where we met.’
‘what did you say?’
‘on the plane.’
‘and what did he say?’
‘nothing.’
‘he’ll check at the airport to see if it’s true … he’s trying to work out if there’s anything between us … he’s jealous … i’ve never met anyone so jealous … but he never shows it.’
‘if he doesn’t then how do you know he is?’
‘he’s doesn’t let on right away but he gives me hell later … it went on like that for years … at first i never knew why he was angry. then i made the connection. the more he upset me the more i made him jealous. we destroyed each other.’
‘why was he so jealous?’
‘i didn’t have to do much. if i wore something sexy when we went out or if I smiled at a man he would go mad. on the way home he would start an argument with me about something … he would say i was acting like a whore. he was more in love with me before. then somehow he got over me and i fell in love with him.’
‘he doesn’t seem to be over you. look at the way he’s looking into me. he’s read my books. still checking up on you. then he has lunch with me.’
‘he’s not in love with me but we were lovers for a while. now he acts like he still owns me.’
‘you’re exaggerating. he doesn’t seem like that kind of guy.’
‘so one lunch and you know the man i’m in love with better than I do?’
‘maybe.’
‘he’s bright. he can seem however he wants to seem.’
‘is he that bright?’
‘very. brightest person i know.’
‘if