Wake Me When I'm Gone. Odafe Atogun

all night. I awoke in the early hours of dawn, and I was alarmed at how high his temperature had risen. He was covered in sweat and he was shivering beneath the blanket. I shot out of bed and rushed into the kitchen. I lit the stove, filled a pot full of neem leaves with water, and put it on to boil.

      When I returned to the bedroom with a cup of the herbal tea, Noah was still shivering, but his eyes were now open. I found a small spoon, and I raised him up gently and fed him the tea with the spoon. He made a face, but I managed to get him to finish the contents of the cup. And then I went back to the kitchen and poured some of the herbal potion into a bucket. Returning to the bedroom, I dipped a towel in the bucket, squeezed it, and used it to mop his body gently.

      Soon, he stopped shivering, and his breathing, which was laboured, slowly began to ease. ‘Mother,’ he called, reaching for my hand, ‘are we still going away?’

      ‘Rest, my son,’ I said. ‘When you are fully recovered we will talk about it.’

      ‘Okay, Mother,’ he replied and closed his eyes.

      *

      Having no one to turn to, I looked up to heaven once again and begged whoever dwelled there to help me. ‘I need your help,’ I said, ‘please make my son well.’ This became my mantra for the rest of the morning while Noah slept. I stayed by his side, fearing to leave him for a minute. The longer he slept, the more fervently I prayed. Much later, he woke up, ate, and went back to sleep.

      The nightmare took a turn for the worse when there was a loud knock on our door before noon. I jumped up with fright. Noah continued to sleep. And then the house shook to its foundation as the door was kicked open. I rushed into the living room, and there in front of me were some royal guards, followed by the priests. Behind the priests were four muscular men, bald-headed and bare-chested, with eyes that glowed with fire.

      I crumpled to the floor. ‘What do you want from us?’ I wailed.

      The High Priest spoke. His voice was crisp. ‘We have found you guilty of refusing to remarry, as stipulated by the laws of our land. As such, you shall lose custody of your son until you comply with the law.’

      The muscular men stepped forward. ‘We are the enforcers, and we have come to administer the sentence,’ one of them said. ‘We have come to collect the boy. His father’s brother is waiting outside to take custody of him. In due course, you will be allowed to pay him visits.’

      ‘Please don’t take my son from me. He’s ill with fever, he’s terribly weak . . . please.’ I spoke in a rush. ‘Please don’t take him away from me, I beg you in the name of your gods.’

      Two of the enforcers gripped me by either arm. I cried out and struggled to no effect. One went from room to room, and he came out carrying Noah with one hand. My son just stared sadly at me, too weak to speak. He had silent tears in his eyes. And as they took him away, the men held me in a vice-like grip that made it impossible for me to go to his rescue. All I could do was raise my voice to heaven. Noah turned to look at me just once more.

      When they had all gone, I was left alone in a heap on the floor. I tore at my hair as I wept, racked with guilt for not being able to save my son.

      FIVE

      Now, I lived in a trance, alone in the house. I was still under house arrest, not yet a free woman. They had said that I would be allowed to visit Noah, but I did not know their definition of ‘in due course’.

      ‘We will tell you when it is time,’ one of the guards said. ‘You cannot go out yet, but you are allowed to receive visitors.’

      But no one cared to visit me. I wandered through the house. I felt bitter towards the Chief, the priests, the enforcers and the royal guards. I felt certain that I could kill the Chief if I had the opportunity. The days dragged, the nights were longer. One afternoon, looking through a window, I saw Duka passing by with a net of fish.

      ‘Duka,’ I called out to him, ‘I need your help, please.’

      He stopped for a minute, and he gave me a blank look. Then he continued on his way.

      I felt wretched that I was unable to protect my dear son and I thought it was pointless to continue to live without him. I wanted to take my own life. But I reminded myself that, if I did that, Noah would become an orphan and could end up in the abandoned building on the outskirts of the village. So I pushed the thought far from my mind.