The Rules of the Game. Neil Strauss

Manage your eyebrows. Go to a spa or salon and get your eyebrows tweezed (or waxed), and, optionally, dyed a slightly darker or lighter shade.

       Whiten your teeth. Buy an over-the-counter tooth whitening system, such as Crest Whitestrips, and begin using it tonight. If you haven’t seen a dentist in over a year, make an appointment.

       Freshen your breath. Start flossing daily. Consider getting a tongue scraper if halitosis is a problem. Buy gum or mints, and carry them with you at all times.

       Get free dermatology advice. Go to a department store cosmetics counter and ask the beautician what facial products she recommends for your skin type. Feel free to ask for samples or buy cheaper equivalents at a drugstore. If you consider your complexion to be a major liability, make an appointment to see a dermatologist.

       Accessorize. Buy a necklace, rings, a bracelet, a wrist cuff, or any other tasteful accoutrement. Try not to get anything that looks too cheap and mass produced—even if it is. When in doubt, err on the side of wearing something simple for now.

       Join a gym. Make an appointment with a trainer to get a fitness evaluation and exercise regimen that includes both cardiovascular training to reduce fat and resistance training to increase muscle mass. Make working out a borderline obsession.

       Eat healthier. Control your caloric intake and review your diet to limit saturated fats, refined sugars, excess salt, and food high in preservatives and carbohydrates. Eat fresh fruits, vegetables, and lean protein. If you’re more than forty percent over the weight you should be, consult a doctor about weight loss options.

       Make sure your clothes fit. Go through your closet and try on everything. If jackets drop off your shoulders, jeans droop off your butt, short sleeves stop at your elbows, or shirt necks hang down to your chest, either get the item tailored or donate it to a thrift store. Same goes for anything else that doesn’t flatter you. Commit to replacing these items with well-fitting clothes that best suit your build.

      If you have any grooming or appearance issue not listed above—be it underarm sweat, foot odor, an unsightly blemish, or your ex-girlfriend’s name tattooed on your neck—this is the day to start taking care of it. Research solutions online; talk to fellow Challengers in the Stylelife forum; and, if necessary, pick up recommended products or make that doctor’s appointment.

      Don’t let yourself off the hook when it comes to looks. You no longer have an excuse.

      DAY

       MISSION 1: Conquering AA

      Today we’re going to discuss the single most debilitating problem facing would-be Casanovas: approach anxiety.

      Approach anxiety is a crippling disease that occurs when a man is confronted by the prospect of approaching an attractive woman. Symptoms include sweaty palms, increased heart rate, shortness of breath, and a lump in the throat. Psychologically speaking, it’s less a fear of approaching than a fear of rejection.

      If you hesitated before walking up to anyone during any of your field assignments so far, then you have approach anxiety. If you haven’t been nervous yet, you probably will as the missions grow more advanced, or when you see that one special girl. It happens to the best of us.

      So turn to your Day 6 Briefing while there’s still time and read the cure proposed by Don Diego Garcia, a senior coach in the Stylelife Academy.

       MISSION 2: If You Can’t Say Something Nice . . .

      Make sure you shower, shave, and feel good before you leave the house today. If you developed a confidence boosting ritual on Day 4, do it. If you purchased any new items yesterday, put them on. You’re going out again.

      Your mission: Give four women spontaneous compliments. Two of these women can be people you know—friends, coworkers, even your mother. But two should be strangers.

      Avoid general compliments such as “You’re beautiful.” And avoid saying anything that could be construed as showing sexual interest, like “You’re hot.” Instead, focus on complimenting something specific, such as her nails, shoes, handbag, or posture. After spending time rigorously examining yourself yesterday, you should find it easier to spot and appreciate these details.

      The most common response will be a sincere, polite, or dismissive thank-you. Leave after the compliment, unless she continues the conversation.

      The key is to be perceived not as trying to flatter or hit on her but as showing sincere appreciation of something you’ve noticed spontaneously.

      Though giving compliments isn’t recommended for all approaches, generating attraction isn’t the goal today. This exercise is designed to help eliminate approach anxiety, improve your skills of observation, and get you out of your head and aware of someone else’s reality.

       MISSION 3: The Eight-hour Rule

      Get a good night’s sleep, because tomorrow is one of the most crucial days in the Stylelife Challenge.

       DAY 6 BRIEFING

       ABOLISH APPROACH ANXIETY

      By Don Diego Garcia

      There are millions of words of wisdom offered by experts on creating and developing a successful intimate relationship, but seven words stand above them all: You can’t win if you don’t play.

      That is the bottom line of bottom lines, courtesy of the California State Lottery. If you stay in your solipsistic cave, you will never form a new relationship. You must get out of the house and interact with new people.

      Approach anxiety is a name for the internal demon that keeps men from talking to attractive strangers when there are no external barriers. Before working on ways to convert approach anxiety into approach excitement, let’s discuss two key concepts: the limiting mind and the freedom mind.

      The Limiting Mind

      When we are born, nature installs two major instinctual fears to keep us safe: a fear of heights and a fear of loud noises.

      Fear in moderation is a good thing. It protects us from harm. For example, a fear of heights protects us from falling off cliffs. A fear of loud noises enables us to react quickly to warnings of danger. However, most fears and limits we have are the result not of nature but of nurture. We place limits on ourselves as the result of negative experiences from our childhood and the influence of authority figures.

      The Freedom Mind

      The biological freedom mind gives us signals of hunger to eat, thirst to drink, and desire to procreate. In modern times, we also have cultural drives for power through career, enjoyment through play, and purpose through spiritual practice.

      When our limiting mind and freedom mind are in homeostatic balance, all is good. We live in harmony with the world, effectively solving problems as they arise. But when our freedom mind and limiting mind fall out of balance, all kinds of afflictions arise.

      Identify Your Limiting Mind

      Most of your limiting mind’s beliefs were spoon-fed to you