The Rules of the Game. Neil Strauss

you have to leave in a minute, how are you supposed to keep talking to her after the opener?

      Good question.

      The next key stage of the interaction is known as the “hook point.” This is when, instead of being a stranger taking up her time, you’ve captivated her—and suddenly she doesn’t want you to leave. So, reluctantly, you allow her to take up a little more of your precious time.

      Becoming that guy is what the next week of the Stylelife Challenge is all about.

      DAY

       MISSION 1: Crunch Time

      Next week, the pace is going to pick up. So to make sure you’re caught up and ready to proceed, today is review day.

      Your task is to look over the previous eight days of assignments. Then ask yourself:

       ^{Is there any mission I skipped?}

       ^{Is there any mission I feel I didn’t complete?}

       ^{Is there any mission I didn’t perform to my satisfaction?}

       ^{Is there any mission I’d like to do again?}

       ^{Have I backslid in my vocal training, posture, grooming, or commitment to my goals?}

      Take this opportunity to explore or repeat any previous assignments and exercises you need to reinforce.

       MISSION 2: Approach Mixed Groups

      If you’ve approached only lone women or groups of women during the Challenge so far, then it’s time to approach groups that contain men.

      Your mission is to approach two groups of three or more people that include men as well as women.

      Approaching groups with men may sound daunting if you haven’t done it yet, but it’s generally easier in practice. The more intimidating people are to approach, the less likely it is they’ve been approached.

      Don’t forget, all you have to do to ensure the success of the approach is make sure that the guys are always involved in the conversation, they feel respected, and they know you’re not hitting on the women. At least not yet.

       MISSION 3: Intervention

      Statistically, the ninth day of a new self-improvement program is the point when most people drop out. That’s not going to be you. So your final task today is to read your Day 9 Briefing and prepare to learn how to learn.

       DAY 9 BRIEFING

       THE FOURTEEN LAWS OF LEARNING

      When I first set off on my journey to learn the game, a college junior named Chad emailed me. He had discovered the world of pickup artistry six months earlier and was already well versed in the basic concepts. However, he was still a virgin.

      He was far better looking than I was, with a stocky build, wavy black hair, and a square jaw. Yet a year later, I was having fantastic adventures that I’d never thought were possible for a guy like me. And Chad, despite working just as hard, was still a virgin. So I sat down with him one night and tried to figure out why. The reason, we eventually realized, was that we had different strategies for learning.

      Afterward, I began developing the fourteen laws of learning that follow. They apply not just to the game, but to school, work, and hobbies. They are what separate a chump who’s banging his head against the wall in frustration from a champ who’s smoothly ascending to the top of the game. Make sure you understand and can practice each principle before moving on to the next.

1.	Acquire and apply knowledge in small chunks. Some people are perfect preparers. They want to gather every scrap of information on a subject before taking action. And though they seem to be working hard, this is actually a form of procrastination. The best way to learn the game is to take it one step at a time. Just learn what you need to get to the next level. If you can’t approach women, just work on openers. When you master openers, then learn how to continue the conversation. Don’t worry about advanced sexual techniques. You’ll soon get there if you continue to progress by adding one piece at a time as you need it.
2.	There is no such thing as rejection, only feedback. A lot of people get discouraged and give up after a single setback or rejection. They tend to take rejection personally, seeing it as a comment on who they are rather than what it really is: feedback on what they’re doing. Every time you approach a group of people and something goes wrong, you’ve been presented with an opportunity to learn why they responded negatively and what you could have done to prevent that. If you possess the ability to learn from your mistakes, then failure is literally impossible, because each rejection brings you closer to perfection.
3.	It’s never her fault. Who do you blame when something goes wrong during an approach? If you catch yourself saying that a situation was impossible, the guys were jerks, or the woman was just a “bitch,” then you’re wrong. It was your fault. It’s always your fault. And that’s a good thing, because it means you’re in control. So never blame any person or situation. Instead, demonstrate a willingness to examine yourself and accept criticism without taking it personally. Only then can you accurately determine whether there was something you could have done to change the outcome, or if the outcome was truly unavoidable.
4.	Learn actively rather than passively. Just as you can’t learn to play football by watching videos and posting in football news-groups, the only way to learn to attract women is from real-world experience. Anyone can sit in a seminar or buy a DVD and learn the principles, but the guys who win the game are the ones who can apply them.
5.	Don’t rehearse negative outcomes. One of the biggest problems men have when it comes to meeting women is that they rehearse negative scenarios in their minds. Often, these become excuses not to go out and try something new. Instead, get out of the house, make a few approaches, and if any of these scenarios happens to occur in real life, then find out what to do. This isn’t sky-diving: There’s little to no risk of actual harm from being unprepared.
6.	Understand how your mind learns. The psychological field of neurolinguistic programming (NLP) offers a useful four-step model of how the mind learns. It can serve as a yardstick to measure your progress.

       Unconscious incompetence: You’re doing something wrong, and you don’t even know you’re doing it wrong.

       Conscious incompetence: You’re doing something wrong, and you’re aware that you’re doing it wrong, but you haven’t yet fixed the problem.

       Conscious competence: You’ve learned the right way to do it, and you’re doing it correctly with focused attention.

       Unconscious competence: You no longer have to think about something or work on learning it—you automatically do it correctly. In the parlance of the game, this is when you finally become a so-called natural.

7.	Be willing to go through the pain period. This game is not an easy one. You’ll be forced to confront nearly every single thing that defines you—every emotion, every action, every belief. You’ll sometimes be apprehensive about approaching a particular