FULL DISCLOSURE
This book covers a period of approximately four years, during most of which my life was a roller coaster and many pledges of anonymity were required, particularly from men who wrecked their family’s lives and women whose lives I wrecked. In order to compress it into a manageable length, reduce the complexity, get at the truth of relationships, and preserve anonymity, incidents, people, locations, and situations were moved, removed, compounded, or compressed, and certain identifying details, including names, have been changed. If you are reading this and believe you recognize yourself, think again. Your story is the same as that of most others in this book: You cheated and got caught.
Published in Great Britain in 2015 by
Canongate Books Ltd, 14 High Street, Edinburgh EH1 1TE
This digital edition first published in 2015 by Canongate Books
THE TRUTH
COPYRIGHT ©2015 BY STATELY PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN.
The moral right of the author has been asserted
First published in the United States in 2015 by Dey St.,
an imprint of William Morrow Publishers.
HarperCollins Publishers, 195 Broadway, New York, NY 10022.
Interior book design by Laurie GriffinIllustrations by Bernard Chang, except for the really shitty ones, which are by the authorAdditional image credits on p. 432
British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available on request from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 78211 094 1
Export ISBN 978 1 78211 095 8
eISBN 978 1 78211 096 5
To my mother and father.
They say a parent’s love is unconditional.
Let’s hope that’s still true after you read this book.
PEOPLE ARE MADETO NEED EACH OTHER.BUT THEY HAVEN’TLEARNED HOW TO LIVEWITH EACH OTHER.
—RAINER WERNER FASSBINDERThe Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant
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| The following pages contain one of the most terrifying and obscene words in the English language: commitment. Specifically the type of commitment that often precedes or follows love and sex. A lack of commitment, too much commitment, a poorly chosen commitment, and misunderstandings about commitment have led to murders, suicides, wars, and a whole lot of grief. They have also led to this book, which is an attempt to figure out where so many people go wrong, again and again, when it comes to relationships and marriage—and if there’s a better way to live, love, and make love. This, however, is not a journey that was undertaken for journalistic purposes. It is a painfully honest account of a life crisis that was forced on me as a consequence of my own behavior. Like most personal journeys, it starts in a place of darkness, confusion, and foolishness. As such, it requires sharing a lot of things I’m not proud of—and a few things I feel like I should regret a whole lot more than I actually do. Because, unfortunately, I am not the hero in this tale. I am the villain. |
Ingrid,
If this is you, really, don’t read this.
Don’t you have email to check or something? Or have you seen the video with that cat who’s doing a human-like thing? It’s hilarious--maybe you should watch it. This book isn’t very good anyway. I’ve written others that are much better. Go read one of those.
Seriously, stop reading now. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
CONTENTS
PROLOGUE: The Hand You Are Dealt Face Down
A Mysterious Journey ∼ A Challenge at Sea ∼ A Most Impossible Contract ∼ The Sex Anorexic ∼ A Mother’s Dying Wish ∼ Exorcism
A Bright Red Apple ∼ The Key of Trust ∼ Adopting Cyclops ∼ Facing the Firing Squad ∼ A Pervert’s Brain ∼ A Dangerous Investigation ∼ A Rift in Spacetime
The Poly Goddess ∼ Generous Offers ∼ Harem Girls ∼ The Worst Orgy Ever ∼ Violence at the Love Commune ∼ And Then There Were Three ∼ The Precise Art of Baby Design ∼ A Powerful Enchantment ∼ A Treacherous Opening
The Council of Elders ∼ Questionable Navigation ∼ The End of Fate ∼ War ∼ The Blood-Drawing Angel ∼ The Gift of Love ∼ Animals vs. the Universe
The Survivor ∼ The Queen & the Elephant ∼ Puzzle Pieces ∼ The Consequences of Truth ∼ Slaying the Monster ∼ Metamorphosis ∼ A Shallow Grave for a Shallow Friend ∼ The Choice
EPILOGUE: When the Wild Card Is Played, Is It Still Wild?