VONDA: I was raised with a spiritual foundation. I attended church. I grew up like that and just maintained the faith.
MARY: This other opportunity came up in San Antonio and I was offered that command. It had a lot of problems. There were three captain’s positions and none were filled. I needed good officers, so [Vonda] joined the unit. Everything was fine and they liked her, but there were some changes that needed to be made. You have to come in and be a hard ass is what it came down to. People don’t like change. The unit administrator ran things, but she just wasn’t good at what she was doing. She and I bumped heads. The first sergeant and I bumped heads. All of a sudden, the Inspector General (IG) called and said, “I’m going to be pulling some of your soldiers out tomorrow to ask some questions about an investigation. There seems to be two people in your unit who share the same address, you and Captain Todd.” The way he did it was weird to me. My colonel said, “You don’t have anything to worry about. You’re doing a great job. You’re a fantastic officer. Just go answer your questions and you’ll be fine.”
They interviewed me and Vonda. We never admitted we were in a relationship and they never asked. They knew they couldn’t. They questioned our service members’ life insurance; we had each other as benefactors. He questioned why we lived together and I said, “Have you seen the cost of living in Austin?” A week later, [my colonel] was in Austin and I went to see him. I go in and he says, “We’re going to have to take Captain Todd out of the unit because she’s nondeployable.” Vonda had some health issues. They offered her a command and never said anything else. We never knew what happened with the IG investigation.
VONDA: When a soldier has a complaint and they go to the IG, they have to turn it into a formal investigation. We don’t know what the initial complaint was. But, I’m sure it was the unit administrator because she is the only one who has access to those records. We could have turned around and filed a complaint for privacy issues.
A few years later I had to get my civilian medical records for the military. I had gone to my gynecologist and she had written that I was high risk for HIV because I was gay. I had them transferred [to my command] without going through them.
MARY: Her unit administrator knew Vonda was a good officer. She handed her the records, walked out of the room and said, “Do what you need to do.” Vonda just took that piece of paper out. Not everybody has those kinds of stories. It comes down to how one person feels about you. You look at somebody crossways and your career is gone.
VONDA: My retirement ceremony was in February 2012. It was time for me to leave. I had done my time and [I had] medical issues. The latter part of my career did get hard because our daughter, Danielle, was getting older and it’s hard being a single parent, even if it is just for a weekend. When I spoke [at the ceremony], I introduced Mary as my partner and Danielle as our daughter and thanked them for their support.
MARY: She didn’t want to do it because she was sick of the military. I said, “We need to do it. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell didn’t stop people from asking questions.” They go after you for the wrong reasons. If Vonda was to deploy and something happened to her, I wouldn’t be the one to get the call. The military can say, “Well, you’re nothing.” When we were younger and just us, I don’t think we thought about it as much. But when a child comes into the mix, it changes everything. We didn’t want to put Danielle in that position.
It was neat to be able to go to her retirement and for her to be able to recognize her family there, despite their discomfort. They’re going to have to get comfortable with it. Vonda’s not going to be the last one. The soldiers that worked for her came up and shook my hand and talked to me, and talked to Danielle. You could tell that they just weren’t fazed by anything. But of course, they’re younger. They’re more open to things. It’s totally changed now. It’s a whole different military, a whole different mission.
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MARQUELL SMITH, CHICAGO, IL, 2010
SERGEANT, U.S. MARINE CORPS, 2000–2006
General discharge under honorable conditions; command made assumption about sexual orientation and having AIDS
I had been in the Marine Corps two years, through two duty stations. My commanding officer respected me and he valued what I had to say. I received the highest performance evaluation that this major had ever given any Marine sergeant. He made me want to be an officer. I applied for the Enlisted Commissioning Program and got selected in October 2005.
I was dating a Marine but we had broken up. I got a call from the persons that he was currently dating to tell me my ex was HIV positive. I called my ex and asked him, “What’s wrong with you?” He says, “I’m positive.” I said, “May God have mercy on your soul” and I hung up the phone. I felt incredibly hurt and I certainly believed that I was HIV positive because we were not using protection. There was no reason not to think so. I went on base to go get an HIV test. It took two weeks to get a response back. I was anxious and didn’t know where to go off-base to talk to someone about what was going on and in a moment of weakness, I walked into the first sergeant’s office. I didn’t know anything because of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. I was almost in tears.
When I walked out of his office, he said he was going to help me and I believed him. My ex had told me that my command called his command, and they were out to get me. I remember getting a call from the first sergeant: “The major said they don’t want this in the officer corps. He said you could stay enlisted, but you can’t be an officer.” I said, “Well, you tell the major he’s going to have to prove it.” They were unwilling to do any investigation. The first sergeant provided a statement that said I was gay and I had sex with both men and women. We never had any conversation about who I was having sex with. He made three different statements, all of them inconsistent. My attorney did everything to fight this, but despite that, they still decided to discharge me.
I asked to be removed from the command because I was concerned about my safety. It got to a point where I was walking around with a recording device. I had a number of conversations recorded that indicated that something funny was going on. The first sergeant had inappropriate conversations with me; I could prove the major was coercing him. I don’t have those recordings because from a legal standpoint, should I have brought those up, I would’ve been in trouble for wiretapping. I was very worried. No one would protect me and so I ended up not saying anything at my board hearing. I ended up writing a statement indicating that I had made no affirming statements to the first sergeant regarding my sexual orientation.
I was discharged on July 17, 2006: general discharge under honorable conditions—for one reason only, because I fought. I felt I had served impeccably my entire career and the outcome should be no different. When I walked off of that base, I cried. I cried not because I was sad; I cried because I finally felt what freedom was like.
My ex is still serving. He was never discharged or investigated. His command determined it was hearsay. My command determined it was sufficient evidence. Here’s the irony in all of that. My first sergeant and my commanding officer were both African American. I absolutely understand what it took for both of them to be where they are. I remember the first sergeant discouraging me from the commission because he said that there was no room for us there. I can understand that homophobia in the African American community is so deeply entrenched and had huge implications as to why they did this. I think the last thing that anyone wanted to see was that I be commissioned as this gay African American officer.
I always wanted to be an officer. I think being African American had everything to do with why I fought. I felt that so many people told me what I couldn’t do and I wanted to show everyone what I could do. I had family members that told me I wouldn’t make it. Did I do it to prove people wrong? Maybe. Did I have days where I wanted to walk away? Absolutely. At some point, something happened. I came under some great leaders, and something happened where I literally wanted to be the best that I could be. I wanted to be Marine Corps.
I felt that in my darkest hours, the Marine