receipts, much larger than the usual cash register tape. Her heart stopped as she read the words:
Beth G. -
call anytime
Frantically, she turned the piece of paper over to see if there was anything on the back to indicate when it had been written. There was nothing; it was just a plain piece of white paper from a 4” x 6” notepad. There was a remnant of the red plastic binding on the top but that was all. Her hand shook as she stared at the carelessly scrawled words. She felt sick to her stomach as she sat down on the bed to get her bearings.
Annie closed her eyes and made herself take several very slow, deep breaths. What did this mean? She thought she only had to worry about Kelly. Now there was someone named Beth? Her heart pounded wildly, making it difficult to breathe. Oh my God, she thought, still trying to calm her upset stomach. Now what do I do? She had to talk to Eric -- she needed to confront him. As upset as she was, there had to be a reasonable explanation; there had to be. She tried to ignore the voice inside of her that told her that there could only be one explanation for such a note. She had failed at being a mother, she was determined not to fail at being a wife.
Furious tears nibbled at the inner corners of her eyes, but she pressed her fingers there to keep them from spilling out. She had to stay strong, to stay in control. This would not get the better of her. She could do this. Just then, Regis announced their next guest as a woman who had written a book about divorce. Annie’s skin crawled as the words entered her brain and she bolted for the bathroom and vomited into the toilet.
Enough of that, she told herself as she tore off a length of toilet paper to wipe her mouth off. Enough. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. The tears she’d been fighting so hard to keep in, were running down her face. They’d snuck out while she was throwing up. Okay, fine. Get it over with now, because you are not going to cry later.
When Eric got home late that afternoon, she was sitting in the living room, reading a book and drinking a glass of wine. It had been a warm day, warm enough for air conditioning, but she’d opted to turn it off earlier in the day and had opened the windows instead. She heard the door open and then she heard his voice.
“Jesus, it’s hot in here -- why isn’t the air on?” He was unbuttoning the top button on his shirt as he entered the room. He stopped when he saw her. “Wow -- you look great.”
Annie had taken extra care in getting ready that afternoon. Her hair and make-up were perfect and she’d put on Eric’s favorite white sundress. She was pleased to discover that she could fit into it -- her pregnancy pounds were beginning to disappear.
She wanted to look especially good as she asked him about the note she’d found in his suit. She looked attractive and confident, even though she was terrified. The wine helped calm her nerves and gave her the additional courage she’d need for the task ahead.
“Thanks,” she said as she reached for her glass and took another sip of wine. “Did you have a good day?”
“Yeah, it was fine,” he said as he went to the refrigerator for the wine bottle. He poured himself a glass. “How was yours?”
“Well,” she started, “it was all right. Nothing too exciting until I got your suits ready to bring to the cleaners.” She took another sip and a deep breath. “And then I came across this.” She held up the note between the first two fingers of her right hand.
Eric stood there, frozen in place, the color momentarily draining from his face.
“What’s that?” he asked warily after a few seconds.
“Well,” Annie started, “it’s not the receipt for your new tie.” She slowly unfolded the paper as she spoke. “At first I thought that’s what it was, but then I read it.” She looked at him squarely in the eyes and said, “But it’s definitely not a receipt.”
“What is it then?” he asked again. He reached out his hand toward her. “Will you give it to me please?”
Annie pulled the note close to her body and held it tightly. She looked at it for a moment and then looked back up at her husband.
“Annie –”
“It was really wonderful to be going through your suits before I brought them to the cleaners this morning and find something like this.” She shook the note for emphasis.
She took another sip of wine, pacing herself. That afternoon, as she showered and primped for Eric’s homecoming, she realized what a mistake she’d been making in trying to please him; in trying to be a “good wife.” She was losing respect for herself – how could Eric not be losing it too? Why on earth should he respect someone who let herself be walked all over like an old rug? The area over her heart was getting particularly threadbare. At the rate they were going, he’d wear a hole right through it if she didn’t do something.
“Annie – calm down. It’s not what you think.”
“No, Eric, I’m not going to calm down. ” She stopped to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding like a sledge hammer. “Who is Beth G.?” She held the note out to him again. “What am I supposed to think?”
He sighed and slowly shook his head back and forth, “What do you want from me, Annie?” His voice was defiant and defeated at the same time.
“I want the truth.” She said the words calmly and firmly. She was terrified inside, but was determined not to show it. She sensed she was heading to a place she hadn’t been prepared to go, but there was no turning back now.
Eric felt his pocket for his cigarettes and fidgeted in his chair. “I need to go and have a smoke.”
“No, you don’t.”
“It’ll just take a minute,” he sounded like a petulant, spoiled school boy.
“I want the truth,” she repeated the words.
He stood there looking forlorn and subdued.
“Just tell me. Who is Beth?” Suddenly she wished she could take back the words. She wished she could turn back the clock to an easier, happier time, but had trouble remembering when that would have been.
Eric stood up and walked across the room to the window. He stopped there and looked out at the yard. His back was to her as he started to speak. “Beth is a family law attorney. One of the guys at work gave me her name.”
She could barely hear him, but decided not to interrupt. Something told her to be still and wait. The only sound was the neighbor’s dog barking, filling the awkward silence with a much needed distraction.
“I started to realize it while you were pregnant. All that mattered to you was the baby; I became less and less important to you. Now all we do is fight; I can never do anything to please you. I can’t do this anymore, Annie. I want a divorce.”
The floor seemed to shift under her feet and Annie reached down for the arm of the sofa to keep from falling. Suddenly she felt as though she was being pulled underwater by a violent, relentless current of disbelief and fear. She lowered herself down onto the sofa.
“A divorce?” The words left a bitter taste on her tongue.
He stood there like a statue, hands shoved in his pockets, his mouth a hard line.
“But I love you, Eric. We can work this out. We haven’t even tried. This has been an awful few weeks. Maybe Dr. Hayes knows a counselor who can help us.” Annie was desperate for him to listen to reason.
He shook his head. “No. No counseling. Let’s just cut our losses and be done, Annie. It’s pointless to keep up the act.”
“What act? What do you mean?” Tears were now running down her face. “Doesn’t our marriage mean anything to you?”
“I always wanted it to, I really did, but it’s just not working.” He sounded like a stranger. “It’s never going to work. It’s just too hard.”
“I