we? So memory is not proof of what happened in the past; it’s proof of what’s happening right now.
With all of these flaws, it certainly isn’t our memory that gives our life a sense of continuity and reality, is it? So what is it that makes your life seem real, and that makes it seem like one continuous story. To discover this, you have to notice the one thing that almost everyone overlooks: you are aware of your memory.
In fact you are aware when you remember something, and you are aware when you forget it. Few people ever get curious and ask, “How did I know that I forgot that.” If they looked finely, they would notice that it’s because they stand as awareness that they notice what they remember and what they forget.
In fact the function of the mind called memory is just an imposture. The sense of continuity and reality comes from you, the awareness that knows the memory, and not from your memory.
In the next chapter we will talk about the little hook that pulls us into limitation. Noticing this hook is the secret to quickly stepping out of limitation and suffering. That’s the thought, ‘I.’ See “The I Thought.”
The I Thought
Is the thought, ‘I,’ the very subject of our experience? ‘I’ think, ‘I’ have good thoughts, ‘I’ get angry, ‘I’ am a secretary, a doctor, etc. You often mistake this little word, ‘I,’ attached to your thoughts to be you, the subject. In Indian philosophy this is sometimes called the ego. You can consider this ‘I’ thought to be the hook that makes thoughts seem like they define you. Yet when you look carefully you can easily see that you are also aware of this thought, and by your awareness you are even greater than the thought of ‘I.’
So in your meditation notice that you are aware of the thought that seems to be the subject, ‘I,’ as well as the object that seems to consume your attention. This ‘I’ thought is just another object in your awareness; it is not you.
This ‘I’ also appears to provide continuity between all of your various experiences in the waking state, when you are dreaming, and when you are in the deep sleep state. Here the ‘I’ thought is more subtle than just a thought. It is an assumption that somehow the environment of thoughts that populates your mind provides the feeling of continuity for your life. Yet it is interesting that when you look, you find the thoughts in the waking state are often completely different from the thoughts in the dream state.
In the waking state you may be a rich person living in a mansion, while in the dream you become a pauper living in complete poverty. While you are dreaming, the dream character seems to be what is real and what is happening. All your problems, as you try desperately to find a place to live, seem real and they are indeed very important problems. However, when you get a glimmer that this is just a dream, you begin to wake up. At that point all of your dream problems go away.
Then in the deep sleep state there are no thoughts at all, just the most subtle sense of ‘I’. In the deep sleep state it feels as if you are experiencing nothing because everything objective, including the mind, is gone. Yet on awaking you know if you had a good sleep or not, and if you did, you feel good. How much do people spend on beds, mattresses and pillows just to insure that they will get a good night’s rest? Everyone craves that sense of bliss that they experience when the world, the body, and mind are gone.
The deep sleep state is sometimes called primal ignorance or our experience of the very seed of life. Although this state is not Self-Knowledge, the formless bliss that you feel is a pointer to eternity. There are two problems with the deep sleep state. One, that it is not conscious (That is why people don’t want to sleep their whole life away); two, that it comes to an end.
Abiding as unborn Awareness takes care of these problems. You are so conscious in fact that it is consciousness without filters on it. You stand on this side of your filters. Maybe that is where this biblical verse points:
For now we see in a mirror, dimly,
but then face to face. Now I know in part,
but then I shall know just as I also am known.
I Corinthians Chapter 13, Verse 12
With your thoughts completely changing, and finally disappearing in the deep sleep state, how can thoughts provide the sense of continuity that you feel between the waking, dream and deep sleep states? They can’t even provide the sense of continuity that you feel within each state.
This very sense of continuity must come from the subject itself which I think you will see is greater than the world, body, pranas, mind and the subtle sense of ‘I.’ It is also greater than all of the changes that they go through. Although Awareness is so vast and great, it feels like just who you are. As this Awareness, the true subject, you feel right at home.
From here you will see why identifying with limitation felt so cramped and uncomfortable. It was like wearing a shoe that didn’t fit. What relief and joy when you strip off your assumptions of limitation, and stand naked in the truth.
So now you may have a sense that you are not what you see. The limitations that were supposed to be you, aren’t you at all. They are just objects that you see. So what are you anyway? Next we will talk about what’s left in the chapter, “What’s left.”
What is left?
Now comes the fun part. So far we have been looking at the parts that seem to make up the person. They included the body, pranas, mind, intellect, memory and even the thought ‘I.’ You may have been surprised to notice that you were aware of all of these parts; that they weren’t really you. You are the seer, which is the ultimate subject.
The next obvious question is how can you know this Awareness? Or what state of mind do you have to be in to see this Awareness? What I hope you will discover by your own meditation is that this Awareness shines by its own light. The sun does not need a flashlight to find itself. Why, because the nature of sun is light. In that same way, because you are Awareness, you do not need a separate Awareness or mind to see yourself. You know Awareness because you are Awareness. This is a different kind of knowing than you may be used to. This is knowing by being.
Here there is nothing remaining to stand apart from this Awareness. And yet if you look closely, you will see that the sense of reality, the sense of being alive, and the sense of ‘I’ come directly from Awareness.
The reason I’m telling you this is so that you will gain the direct experience of your own self-nature — a secret knowledge that few people know, and yet when you discover it, it becomes so obvious and freeing.
When meditating on the meaning of this knowledge, you will be able to see where these words point. You will find that what you thought were limitations were not really your limitations. When you see a limitation, do you know what it means? It means that you are the seer of the limitation, and as the seer you are free of it. Another way of saying this: you are the witness of limitation, not the one caught by limitation.
Standing as the witness you will discover some amazing things. For instance everything that you see changes and is in motion, isn’t it? But what about the place where you stand, the place that sees these changes, does that change? Do objects change or do I change? Asking this question, you are very close to finding freedom from death itself. Standing here you can reexamine the Jesus quote on not tasting death (see page xi) and directly see how you are really free from death.
So how free are you anyway? Limitations and suffering are just objects in your awareness; they are not you. As for you, you stand as infinity, free from the limitations of the body and mind. From here you can see that the deepest secret of spirituality is really an open secret; open to anyone who wants it. That’s because this is who you really are.
In the next chapters, starting with “What is the world anyway,” we are going to find out how to make this state your own, so it’s not just something that you know about, but it’s something that you are. We will give you the tools that you need to destroy obstacles and untangle yourself from limitation so you can become the freedom that you are.