us now begin our study of divorce and remarriage by first determining exactly what the Bible really does say about what constitutes a valid marriage.
Chapter Two
Marriage is for Life
Marriage is an exclusive and intimate union of a man and a woman that is established when they make a covenant to leave their parents and form a new family unit. It is a pure and holy union that is similar to the eternal union of Jesus Christ and his church.
MARRIAGE IS A MONOGAMOUS UNION
Several years ago, I read about a "commune" of young people who wanted to get away from all of the restraints of society. They were looking for freedom from every personal commitment, including the lifetime marriage commitment.
The reporter lived with them for awhile and observed that, in spite of their lack of a formal commitment; they would eventually pair off and restrict their sexual relations to each other. If anyone tried to become involved with "his girl" or "her man," extreme jealously would rise up. The reporter said that it was just as if they were legally married!
The people in the commune were actually confirming the fact that, from the very beginning, God created men and women with an innate desire to join together in an exclusive union. Jesus confirmed this later when he limited marriage to the union of only one man and one woman (Mark 10:8)
MARRIAGE IS ESTABLISHED BY A COVENANT
The key to understanding divorce and remarriage is to recognize that marriage is established and maintained by a covenant
A marriage begins when a man and a woman voluntarily make a covenant to leave their parents and cleave together as husband and wife for the rest of their lives.
In order to strengthen this lifetime commitment, the State of Louisiana became the first State in the Union to pass a law which took effect in 1997 called the "Covenant Marriage Act." Under this new law, couples are given the option to voluntarily agree to premarital and pre-divorce counseling, and to give up their legal rights to a "no-fault" divorce. Then, unless it can be proven in court that there has been adultery, abuse, or abandonment, etc., the law requires a minimum two year waiting period before the couple can ever be granted a legal divorce.
This law draws attention to the fact that marriage is established by a covenant. In Malachi 2:14, God referred to a married woman as "the wife of thy covenant." In Ezekiel 16:8, God referred to his own spiritual marriage covenant with Israel when he said, "Yea, I swore unto thee, and entered into a covenant with thee, and thou becamest mine."
Once a marriage covenant has been made, the man and the woman become “one" in the sight of both God and man. Just as two people become "one" by their covenant in a business partnership, so do a man and a woman become "one" by their covenant in a marriage partnership.
Genesis 2:23-24 "And Adam said this is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh."
The word “cleave" means to permanently join together, so marriage was intended to be a lifetime commitment. A temporary agreement with a prostitute or someone else will also make a man and a woman "one flesh” but this type of union is strictly forbidden. (See 1 Corinthians 6:13-20)
And since marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, annulments are unbiblical. Once marriage covenants are confirmed by their exchange of vows, they cannot be “annulled" by man.
Galatians 3:15 "Though it be but a man's covenant, yet if it be confirmed, no man disannulleth or addeth to it.”
It is actually the couple's own vows that confirm their lifetime marriage commitment. A priest, minister, or rabbi only witnesses and legally records the event. Marriage vows made before a Justice of the Peace are therefore just as binding in the sight of God.
A typical marriage ceremony normally includes a promise to stay united together for the rest of their earthly lives "whether in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer, for better or for worse, until death do us part." God always keeps his vows, and he expects us to do the same!
Numbers 30:2 "If a man vow a vow unto the Lord, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond, he shall not break his word; he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth."
ANCIENT JEWISH MARRIAGES
From the very beginning (and even unto this day) a Jewish marriage has always had two stages. The first one is called the "kiddushin" and the second one is called the "huppah".
The kiddushin is where the betrothal covenant is made. In ancient times, the betrothal covenant was confirmed either by a written or oral contract, by the exchange of money, or by the couple having sexual relations inside a private chamber. The latter method was abandoned around 500 BC, but it shows that a couple was already considered to be united as "one flesh" after they had made their betrothal covenant.
The huppah is a public wedding ceremony, and it was originally a very festive celebration that would last for seven days. It would normally end with the bride and the groom leaving to have sexual relations inside a private bridal chamber at the home of the groom. (Judges 15:1)
The kiddushin and the huppah could be combined, but they were usually separated by a defined period of time. If a betrothed woman had sexual relations with any other man during this time, then both the man and the woman would be called adulterers and publicly stoned to death!
The fact that they were called adulterers, and that the punishment was the same as for adultery, is further proof that a marriage is established by a covenant alone, and that sexual intercourse is not really necessary in order to "complete” or "consummate" the marriage union.
WHAT GOD HAS JOINED TOGETHER, LET NO MAN SEPARATE
When Jesus was asked if a man could divorce his wife for any reason whatsoever, he repeated what Adam had said about a man and a woman becoming united as "one flesh," and then he added, "What, therefore, God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:6)
This means that God ordained marriage to be an inseparable union for life, and no human being has the right to separate what God has joined together. However, this does not mean that married couples, who were once joined together as "one flesh," can never be separated. It only means that they SHOULD never be separated!
We often do what we shouldn't do. It is called sin!
And the sin that separates what God had joined together is not the divorce itself, but the breaking of the marriage covenant that had once united them.
Various fourth century writers have taught that the words, "let not man put asunder" meant that marriage was "indissoluble". But marriage cannot be considered indissoluble because Moses and Jesus both allowed the dissolution of a marriage whenever a couple's marriage vows were broken by sexual immorality.
Some other theologians have thought the words "God hath joined together" were a reference to sexual intercourse. This led to the development of the traditional doctrine that a marriage is not fully completed or "consummated" until after the couple has had sexual intercourse.
But how can someone be only half married?
Can a woman be only half pregnant?
And if sexual intercourse were necessary to complete a marriage union, why was a written divorce required to end a betrothal relationship? And why were those who were unfaithful during their betrothal period called adulterers and then stoned to death?
Anyway, this erroneous doctrine is easily refuted by the Lord's next words, "let not man put asunder." Since the couples are never to be separated, this cannot possibly be a reference to sexual intercourse!
Sometimes Christians will think that the words, "God hath joined together" must mean that God has specifically chosen their marriage partners. This is not necessarily true. God has a perfect plan for your life, and he will help you find a compatible mate if you pray for this, but he will never take