Rekindle Your Love: Psychological Tactics for Big Success In Relationships. Leanne M. Shine

Remember this is your life not reality T.V. and you will be a lot happier if you keep the drama to a minimum.

      Now back to reasons people break up!

      This next one is equally common in both genders. Sometimes it’s because you have grown apart. Without common ground couples will often end up bored or disinterested in their partners.

      So when the straying partner finds someone who connects with them deeply about something they are passionate about the temptation can sometimes be unbearable.

      There isn’t an easy fix for this one. One option is to try and find a new interest that’s fresh that you both share. Or try to become more interested in each other’s hobbies. But the truth is if you have drifted apart in this way you might both be happier with someone else, and should consider trying to let things go gracefully.

      Human beings are not stagnant creatures everyday a thousand tiny catalysts change us in imperceptible ways. Over time our daily experiences can change our values and goals.

      An ideal partnership is between two people heading in the same direction, or at least a parallel one, there is nothing wrong with letting go if you have grown apart, there is something wrong with letting a fizzled relationship linger if there is nothing left, this only prolongs the suffering.

      Another common one is because you and your partner are fighting all the time. No one wants to deal with someone who is negative and constantly sniping at them.

      The best way to deal with and prevent this problem is to figure out the real cause, are you that angry because he doesn’t pick up his dirty socks? Or that she leaves clumps of her hair in the sink?

      Or are you lashing out at the person you love because you are stressed by work or finances? In those cases take some time to get some perspective and maybe consider a vacation, getaway, or just a weekend at home alone to help unwind, and rekindle your feeling for each other. Remember when you return from that weekend or vacation bring some of that relaxed atmosphere back with you to your normal life. Whether it’s the awesome recipe you learned at a resort, or just recreating that margarita on the beach feeling in the living room, using sensory items like food, scented candles or souvenirs can help you both to remember a romantic and relaxing time, and can help relieve the stress once you return to your real lives.

      One of the most common reasons marriages fail in the first year is financial. If you are cohabitating then both partners need a personal checking account and there should be a joint shared account.

      The joint account is used to pay all household bills, rent, mortgage, electric, grocery, whatever. Couples should discuss how much each is depositing in the account each month and who is going to actually pay the bills.

      This can be done by one person or divided between the couple. You should also create a budget for the month and make sure you have similar priorities. Discuss large purchases, over a hundred dollars with your partner, or more accurately figure out what you both consider a large purchase based on your budget and then always discuss anything within that range with your partner. Financial insecurity and spendthrift ways can lead to fights, and secretiveness, both are poison for a relationship. If you entered your partnership and already had personal debt then embrace a plan to fix it so you can work toward future goals together. Remember in a true partnership His and hers is just something printed on the towels, the two of you are in this together.

      The final reason is often insurmountable. Sometimes a couple doesn’t agree on an important moral issue, such as whether or not to have children, or political beliefs, while this difference may seem small at first over time if one person desperately wants kids, or passionately disagrees with the others social, religious and political views it can cause a huge problem in the relationship.

      Avoiding this is simple, when the relationship becomes serious both partners should think about what values and goals are most important to them and then have an open honest talk about where the other person stands on these issues. If you are already in a relationship that you and the person have divergent beliefs try to be understanding of their viewpoints and to decide if you would be happier with someone who shares your perspective. Do not under any circumstance agree to have a child if you do not want one to make your partner happy, or ignore your core beliefs in favor of your partner, these temporary fixes will only lead to long term unhappiness, and resentment.

      People also sometimes break up because one partner is afraid of commitment, or feels things are going too fast. This can be difficult, especially if the relationship has been a whirlwind romance and the other person feels no desire to put on the breaks.

      What you can do, if you sense the other person is pulling away because they feel overwhelmed is ensure that they get the “Me” time or time with friends they may be missing.

      Suggest that your each go out with a group of friends, sometimes a person needs to be reminded that being in a relationship doesn’t mean they have to lose the identity they had before, they can still go out with friends, engage in hobbies with their buddies and be themselves. Relationships should add to your life not limit it.

      Sometimes this strategy can backfire, depending on the influence of those friends, but showing that you are willing to be a trusting and flexible partner can be just what commit phobic needs to get them back in their comfort zone.

      However be prepared sometimes a person just isn’t prepared for commitment and some people are better at monogamy then others. Never force, cajole or convince someone to enter into a committed relationship if they don’t want it, it’s a recipe for cheating and distrust later.