Walking Behind Schizophrenic Eyes. Perry Ritthaler

miss the heat and sunshine in Florida; and the sunset setting over the ocean. When I look outside now all I can see is death and frozen landscape. All the vegetation is brown or gone; and the ground is covered in thin patches of dirty grey snow.

      Alberta in the early spring looks like a nuclear wasteland compared to Florida.

      I feel very sad and depressed; so far away from the sunshine in Florida. Tears have slowly been sliding down the sides of my face for the last hundred miles; and my bloodshot eyeballs feel like they are going to fall out of my head.

      I am cold and my thoughts inside of my mind are negative and scattered without my marijuana. My back is in constant pain. Every time I move I feel like I have three razor blades twisting into the joints in my spine.

      From my seat I can see the Calgary Greyhound bus depot. I start to collect my things from under the seat. My voices tell me someone on the bus has a suitcase full of my money they plan to keep. The voices quietly tell me; if I figure out what person is stealing my money; I may be able to take the case away from them and home with me.

      I eyeball all the different people on the bus; and they are all trying to get off the bus fast; I wonder who has my money.

      I yell “give me my money;” and everyone stops what they are doing to stare at me. So who knows which one stealing my money?

      Poetry

      The Warrior Ticks Like A Time Bomb In My Mind

      I keep my marijuana handy

      I feel like a child eating candy

      My emotions splinter in my mind

      Thought patterns that start to unwind

      My mind slowly changed

      Political activist with ideas deranged

      My mind delusional when I smoke a joint

      A crippled mind unable to make a point

      I remember my first kill

      Emotions out of my heart spill

      A security report created in my head

      Ended with a family man dead

      Listening to the voices in my mind

      My work improves as I work blind

      Team work created decisions in my mind

      We argue over killing fighting blind

      Feeling more confused day-by-day

      I long for my private time when I pray

      A brain invaded with parts left dead

      My life controlled by the voices in my head

      Voices taunting me when I sleep

      Sexy words creating fantasies deep

      Laugh at me when I sexually unwind

      Sending me to war with the ones in my mind

      Crying most days feeling entwined

      Held prisoner by my shattered mind

      I walk around afraid to think

      Tears flow from my eyes when I blink

      I am sick in the head

      One bullet then I’m dead

      Afraid my family will see me lie

      I never tell them why I cry