thou hast vowed.”
Ecclesiastes 5:4
One would not argue that society’s idea of marriage today is much different than it was some twenty, thirty, or even fifty years ago. When speaking of marriage in generations past, one would have no need to clarify that it was between a male and a female. Neither would they have to clarify that it was a monogamist relationship. Yet, the idea of marriage today is that of a temporary serious relationship rather than the permanent bond which God intended. Many men and women stand before a congregation of their family, peers, and a clergy man and repeat vows of commitment to love and cherish in sickness and in health, but in many cases, both parties should stop there. Many continue on to say those famous words, “Till death do us part,” but sadly the gravity of that commitment is sorely misunderstood and underestimated. In our country, over fifty percent of those who say, “Till death do us part,” end up parting long before death.
If you have picked up this book or have it given to you by a friend to read, then most likely your life has been affected by a failed marriage. I want to begin by saying to you that I’m sorry. I too have suffered the pain and agony of divorce in my own life, and it is a horrible and terrible thing to endure as an individual, but even more so as a Christian. It is because of the pain and agony that I experienced during my divorce that I felt impressed of the Lord to write this book in order to help other Christians who are suffering in a similar way as I did.
Throughout this writing, we are going to look at many things that will help you along your journey. The overall purpose of this writing is to encourage you and give you hope that God can, will, and still desires to use your life for His glory. Nevertheless, it would behoove us to call ourselves Christians and fail to look into the pages of Scripture to see what God teaches us about marriage and divorce. So let us begin our journey with the first husband and wife, Adam and Eve.
As we consider the first marriage in history, it is interesting to think about how it came to pass. God created a creature from the dust of the earth, breathed life into it, and called His creation man. God then gave him a formal name by calling him Adam and placed him in a utopia known as the Garden of Eden. While in the Garden, Adam was responsible for working the Garden and tending to the beasts of the field. Adam lived in a land of perfection, surrounded by a flawless creation. If this wasn’t enough, he also enjoyed perfect fellowship with the Lord in the cool of the day. So it is safe to say that Adam had it as good as any man could have it. He lived in an amazing place, had plenty of work to for an amazing boss, and he had perfect fellowship with God. Despite all the blessings that surrounded Adam, God said of him, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18).
This verse of Scripture reveals several things to us. First, it was God who recognized and initiated man's need for a relationship beyond a relationship with his Creator. Second, it teaches us that it is natural and good for us to have affection and relationships with other human beings. In order to meet this need for affection that God saw in Adam, He created another creature and called it a woman. “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:21-25). So God, having seen Adam’s need, provides him with Eve, and here we see the first husband and wife.
Of course, we all know that Adam and Eve's marriage was far from perfect. Eve yields to the temptation of the serpent and not only eats of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but also encourages Adam to eat of it. They both disobeyed God’s command and brought forth the curse of sin into the world. Yet, when we think of marriage and what marriage was intended to be, there is no greater place to begin studying than its origin. Despite their disobedience, we can glean some valuable truths about God’s divine design of marriage from Adam and Eve.
Notice several interesting things we see here in this first marriage. First, Adam says, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” Adam is saying that she is a part of him. He is saying that there is no Adam without Eve and no Eve without Adam. Together, they are one flesh and one body. It is clear that Adam’s idea of marriage is in harmony with God's idea for marriage, because we read in Mark 10:8, “And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.” “Twain” is an old English word that means “two.” Christ Jesus taught His disciples that the bond of marriage was to be so close that the twain, or the two of them, should be one flesh or one person.
This also teaches us that marriage was intended to be a lifelong commitment. If two become one flesh, how can they be separated from one another? Imagine if you took a glass of regular Coke and a glass of regular Dr. Pepper and poured equal amounts into a separate glass. Even though they are two entirely different flavors, now they are mixed, and they are one. There is no way to remove all the Coke without removing the Dr. Pepper or vice-versa. The glass of mixed cola will always be joined together. That is how God intended marriage to be. It was designed to be two separate people coming together to make one husband and wife. This principle of marriage being “one flesh” bears with it the clear idea that this merged union was not intended to be broken.
Another truth we glean from this first marriage is the principle of leaving and cleaving. As Moses records the events of the first marriage, God inspires him to write, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife” (Genesis 2:24). In Adam and Eve’s case, they had no earthly mother or earthly father to leave, yet God tells us that, from the beginning, His plan for marriage is for men and women to leave and cleave. In order to have a biblical marriage, men and women must leave their mothers and fathers and cleave or take hold of their spouse. We see that Moses’ insight was inspired by God, because it is exactly what Christ taught His disciples about marriage: “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?” (Matthew 19:5). This principle of leaving and cleaving can be difficult for many who have a close relationship with their parents. A spouse’s failure to transfer their trust and confidence from their parents to their partner can be a recipe for disaster and is clear disobedience to the teaching of Scripture.
So we see in this first marriage that marriage is to be between a male and a female. It is to be such an intimate relationship that the two parties actually exist as one human being. It is a binding of two people that is to be unbroken, and that it is God's plan for a man to leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. What insight we have into God's idea of marriage from God's union between Adam and Eve! What contradiction we see to the idea of marriage that is held by so many in today’s society. If we want the blessings of God on our marriage, we must labor to keep it in line with the model He set forth.
It is clear from what we've seen in Genesis that marriage is to be an unbroken covenant between two people, but what are the intricacies of this covenant? When a man and a woman come together and determine that they not only love each other, but that they desire only to love that person in this life, they enter into two covenants: a State Covenant and a Divine Covenant.
When most people think about the commitment of marriage, they think about their commitment to their government or what I call the “State Covenant.” This covenant is upheld by the local and federal government. When you stand before an ordained minister and declare your vows, you are vowing to the state and the witnesses present that you will honor and uphold the bonds of marriage. It is because of this covenant that you are required to have a marriage license. This shows to the government and others that you are legally bound together as husband and wife.
Even though all are familiar with the State Covenant, many fail to consider or are unaware of the Divine Covenant that takes place at the time of marriage. When you said, “I do,” to your spouse, you were also saying, “I do,” to a Divine