expect me to be here?
“Alicia gave me a ride,” I answered suspiciously.
“She told me. How are you feeling?”
“Better, but I’m still a little sore in the stomach area.” I stopped myself short, thinking I may have given too much away. Knowing what food poisoning did to a person, I covered with, “I guess that’s to be expected when you’re puking your guts out.” I felt bad lying to Jensen, but it wasn’t the right time to tell him.
“I wish I could be there to take care of you.”
“Me, too.” And that wasn’t a lie.
“Mia, about what happened with Fallon—”
“Jensen, it’s done. Please,” I interrupted him. I knew he wanted to say more, but my tone had decisiveness to it. The truth was, I wasn’t over his episode with Fallon but I didn’t want to talk about it right then. Besides that, I had to confess my own issue with Nate. And then, of course, was the miscarriage. Those subjects needed to be done via a face-to-face conversation. If we got into The Fallon Thing right then I would feel guilty and would have to reciprocate. No, this was wise. Shut the conversation down before I was stuck telling him in a way I didn’t want to.
“Ohhh-kayyy,” he strung out his words in a funny manner.
“Do you mind if I let you go? I’m really tired and I need to get some sleep. Your sister said that early tomorrow she’s going to bring homework for me to catch up on. I’m sure I’ll have a ton of it to get through this weekend before I go back on Monday.”
“Sure,” Jensen sighed. “I love you.” Before I had a chance to tell him I loved him back he hung up with a click, leaving me with nothing but the dial tone.
3. Trying for a Normal Routine
I returned to school that following Monday with only Nate and Alicia knowing my secret and hoping to keep it that way. Krissa knew better than to pry, and Aria was still pissed at me, so I didn’t have to worry about anyone else finding out the details of my hospital stay.
Although Nate and I had zero-hour together, we didn’t sit by each other as we usually did, and he only briefly said hello and acknowledged me in passing before class. I assumed it was a product of Aria’s anger with me since he and I had sort of gotten through the tiff or whatever you would call it while I was in the hospital.
In the mornings before zero-hour, I often ran into Jibby in the auto shop parking lot where he was smoking. I didn’t really understand why he was out there so damn early smoking every morning, and I never thought to ask. During our classes like Persuasion, one of two English classes I was taking, time didn’t allow for us to chat much either. We were either listening, giving speeches, or his cousin kept him busy in conversation about some upcoming Hawaii trip they were going to take during spring break. Probably another surfing excursion. At one point he did ask why I was out of school for a week, and I just settled on telling him and others I was sick. It was the flu season, after all.
Getting back into a routine at school gave me a sense of relief and allowed me to remain busy, for which I was thankful. It felt normal and meant I could focus all my energy there and not have to dwell too much on my relationship with Jensen. Work was even more of a nice distraction once I returned. Realizing I had been missed after I was met with a mountain of filing to do, I jumped right in and got to work. This allowed plenty of time for me to think. However, instead of thinking about my current issues with Jensen, I tried to focus on the future, keeping my thoughts on colleges and which schools I would send my applications to. I was definitely behind the ball on that task. The other outstanding thing I had to do was take the SATs again. The next test was coming up in February. My SAT scores from the test I’d taken back in December hadn’t arrived yet, and I wished I’d get them to help figure out how to spend my time studying. Studying ... that was another thing. I knew I needed to start setting aside time during the weekends to get ready for the SATs. In fact, I probably should have started doing that already. Maybe senioritis is setting in. At least my grades from first semester had been pretty decent; A’s with just one B in French II.
On Friday, I decided to take Alicia up on her offer to spend the night at her house, and as usual I had a good time with the Meyers family who made me feel welcome. That evening after dinner, Ashlyn became motherly and fussed over me, saying I was too skinny and a little pale, but Dan shook his head at his wife and disagreed. Not wanting to be the topic of conversation, somehow I diverted their attention to education and which colleges I should look into. After enduring about a half-hour of what seemed like mandatory time with the soon-to-be parents-in-law, Alicia pulled me away and down to the theater room to gossip. I took that as a way of getting out of her why she and Jibby secretly dated.
“Man, my mom was really acting over the top with you. It was weird,” Alicia said. “She doesn’t know, does she?” Alicia had her white, blue, green, and red splatter-print legs crossed and was leaning forward, her chin on her hands.
“Are you high? There’s no way would I tell her and not Jensen.” I shook my head. “She’s probably acting that way because she knows Jensen and I are in the middle of a rough patch right now. On top of that, I’m not looking one hundred percent healthy these days and she’s zeroed in on that.” I looked at Alicia and she just shrugged. “So,” I said to change the subject to something more interesting, “I’ve been meaning to ask you about your relationship with Jibby.”
“Ugh, you would have to ask about that!” Alicia sighed dramatically and fell back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling as she absently picked at her plain, white tank top.
“Hey, you knew I was going to ask sometime. You act so mad whenever you see me with him and you never say hi to him.” I waited patiently for her to answer.
After a beat, she finally started talking. “Jibby and I were in DECA together sophomore year for a while before he up and dropped out. We would flirt back and forth here and there, and one night we were both at a party that had gotten pretty wild. Not only was I wasted on Everclear, but I had also smoked my share of leafy greens outside with Jibby. To say the least, I was completely stoned.”
Looking at Alicia in complete shock, I didn’t say anything because I was getting insight into Alicia, who wasn’t as perfect as she seemed.
She continued, “Anyway, Jibby liked me more than I liked him. He must have thought he had to extort me somehow to get me to go out with him, so he said he’d tell everyone about me getting wasted that night at the party.” Alicia turned her head and looked at me to see how I was taking this news. “Of course, if anyone found that out it would ruin my reputation, so I did go out with him but it didn’t last very long and we eventually broke up. It didn’t start out as a healthy relationship and wouldn’t have lasted very long. Such a weird time in my life.” Alicia looked back up at the ceiling.
“I smoked cigarettes with Jibby!” I blurted out. Damnit! Alicia cocked her head at this news and then threw her head back and let out a loud belly laugh. “What’s so funny?” I demanded, not catching on with her laughter.
Alicia was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes. “Us!” she blurted out. “I was just thinking that everyone probably thinks we’re these two perfect goody two-shoes and we’re not!” Alicia continued to laugh. “I’m sorry, it’s just ironic.” Her laughter was slowing down.
“I can’t believe I didn’t know about you and Jibby.” I laughed. “How could I have not seen it? You were definitely successful at keeping that a secret,” I said, pointing my finger at her.
“Not really, if you think about it. We hung out enough for someone as smart as you to deduce we were a couple. You were just going through your own shit with Jensen when he was with Alyna to not have noticed.”
Upon hearing the mention of Alyna, I felt an involuntary shudder through my body. Jensen being with her and not me had broken my