food and breathed deeply. Since keeping it in was killing her, she might as well let it out and deal with it squarely. Life was not forever, and she really wanted to be happy. She just didn’t know how. Her love for Jeffery, now her waterloo.
Beloved, are you sure? The root of hatred was sown in your heart a long time ago. You can’t keep running from your past.
Suzan shook her head. That voice apparently didn’t have a clue about what she was dealing with. The problem was Jeffery. He was the cause of her unhappiness and not her past. Her past was dead. She had dealt with it a long time ago by burying it.
Sarah could see the battle on Suzan’s face. She looked at Wendy who was staring at everywhere but Suzan. Sarah knew she also had her own demons to fight. She wondered how she could get through to them to talk about their problems. She sensed that what had them so dysfunctional started a long time before she came into the scene. Whenever she tried to make small talk about growing up as a child, she observed them withdraw into their own man-made shells. Oh God, I know that you specialise in dealing with impossibilities but how do I make them understand that? How do I make them understand that your love is stronger and better than cords of hatred?
Patience. Beloved. Patience.
Sarah knew she couldn’t force God’s everlasting love on her friends, they had to be willing to receive it. And right now, they thought themselves as Christian as anyone could get. They couldn’t see that there was a problem that needed to be dealt with. She touched Suzan’s hands again. Suzan coughed, grabbed her glass of fruit juice that stood proudly on the table like a life saver then downed it all in one gulp. “Jeffery travelled on Friday to Benin for his uncle’s birthday, so we didn’t get to hang out that Friday night. When he got back on Sunday, I gave him a call and told him I was going to visit. He sounded really happy and proceeded to tell me how much he had missed me and how he couldn’t wait to see me.” Tears spilled from her eyes which she hurriedly wiped away. “As we talked, I let out a painful scream, and he asked me what was wrong, I told him I was having severe menstrual pains. You won’t believe what Jeffery said next. He hissed and told me that there was no need for me to come over. He said that I was a mood spoiler, that he was already hoping he’d have fun with me in bed and now, I was talking about seeing my menstrual flow. After saying all these, he cut the call on me.”
Baffled, Sarah rolled her eyes. “Suzan, I really don’t know what to say. This is just gross.”
Suzan closed her eyes to stop herself from shedding more tears. There were many things she had to tell Jeffery, some of which was that she wasn’t God. Although there were many times she tried to be, regulating her life and activities independent of the big man in heaven but she always failed. Like how she couldn’t control the flow of her menstrual blood, or stop the air from filling her lungs so she could die or get her parents to be perfect so her life wouldn’t be the glorified mess it was. Dolefully, she met her friends unflinching stare and her sensibilities noted their anxiety. Unable to keep still, she agonized, “You both are aware that although I go to church, I’m not a spiricoco. So yes, I satisfy him sexually but still, I’m not dumb. I know that a relationship should not be based on sex alone. Most times when I’m with him, it’s just sex, sex, and more sex. I do enjoy the sex but sometimes it just wears me out. We hardly ever get to discuss and that has been bothering me for a while but the comment he spewed out yesterday broke the camel’s back. The message was crystal clear, I was nothing but a sex object to him and it’s not acceptable to me. I want more, something really solid and deep.” She wanted to be loved and accepted for whom she was but then the question gnawed at her- who was she?
Sarah relaxed on the chair. “What exactly do you want? Expound on it.”
Suzan took out her handkerchief and gently blew her nose. “I want us to be friends. I want us to be able to converse for hours and laugh at nothing in particular. I want us to sit for hours, silent, unaware of the movement of time, just content to be with each other. I want him to be my best friend, not you and Wendy. No offence meant there.”
“None taken dear, but this is strange, like I have sex regularly with Charles but we still get to chinwag and have fun,” said Wendy, rueful.
Tapping her foot on the ground, Sarah faced her friends with that kind of serious expression that made them sit up. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, sex before marriage violates God’s standards but you both know it, don’t you? You do, but still choose to disobey. Suzan, let’s shine the light on you. You’re a chorister in church. You minister to people through your melodious songs. Remember the hymn? Trust and obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey but yet you constantly step on all of His rules without shame and what about you Wendy? You are in charge of the welfare unit in your church. It seems like all the food you eat has turned you to a spiritual fool, you no longer know the difference between right and wrong.”
Suzan’s demeanour turned from sad to shock very fast. The hurt gave way to rage, and she drew dark strength from it. “Sarah, you’re unbelievable. I’m feeling this bad and all you can do is criticize me. Don’t you have an atom of sympathy to spare? Like, I really am broken.”
Wendy shook her head in dismay. “Sarah, you’re being too harsh. I don’t know whether they pay you for all these puritanical stuff that you constantly rant about. And in case you’ve forgotten, I’m a Christian too, I go to church every Sunday and I realize there’s a God up there but you don’t see me infuriating people with Christian messages, do you?”
Sarah swallowed hard before calmly replying her, emphasizing every word. “You think the Good news is infuriating?”
Frustrated, Wendy exclaimed, “Oh, Somebody save me from this girl! Sarah, please, can you focus on how Suzan is faring and try to be less annoying?”
Sarah offered a wan smile. “Girls, I’m sorry if I sounded too harsh. My life is not perfect, you know that, but I live life one day at a time, working smart and trusting God not to leave me stranded. I may not comprehend how you both feel since I have never indulged in pre-marital sex but I’m sure if you seek help from the counselling departments in your church, you’ll be delivered from the shackles that hold you down.”
Pissed at the advice that Sarah had freely given them, Wendy lashed out at her. “Please, would you stop? What do you mean by ‘delivered’, did I tell you that I’ve been possessed by a demon?”
Sarah took a sip of her juice, recognising that she had said enough for one day. You can force a horse to the river but you can’t force it to drink from it. They’ll drink from the living water when they were ready. She just hoped it won’t too late by then. “Okay, I will zip my mouth. Suzan, sorry for what you’re going through.”
“Is that all you are going to say?” asked Suzan, her face contorted with shades of different emotions, all of which were raging inside her- pain, shame, anger. The open tears and discussion had eased the pain but a little.
Sarah exclaimed, “Ha ha ha, you have got to be kidding me. What else do you want me to say? Please, I have said my bit. A word is enough for the wise.”
Wendy turned to Sarah, “Miss high and mighty, we’ve heard you. Now, let’s eat and get back to the office.”
Suzan agreed with Wendy. “You’re right, we all know that Mr. Lawrence gets to the office after lunch time.” For now, Jeffery and all the problems his existence in her life was creating took a backseat as she concentrated on her food.
Wendy rubbed Suzan’s back. “Everything will be fine, okay? Just tell your boyfriend how much his words hurt you.” Wendy talked to Suzan lovingly while looking at Sarah with disgust. Sarah laughed sarcastically and continued eating her food, exuding a nonchalant air. As they dawdled back to the office, Suzan looked at her friends and thought to herself that even though they both acted crazy at times, she loved them, especially Sarah, there was something different about her. She pulled the two of them into a group hug and they laughed.
They felt a lot better by the time they got to the office and so carried out their duties rapidly. Yes, Suzan had managed to push off the rather rancorous words