month period and presented an in-depth report of their findings. They also provided a lengthy and detailed paper documenting their work and recommending next steps.
That February I left for a month’s sabbatical to stay with my brother-in-law’s family in Hawaii. If you’re going to be homeless — why not Hawaii? I took with me a dozen books on stress management, conflict resolution, dealing with disagreeable people, etc. I eventually read every book and watched every video the Alban Institute recommended and enrolled in a Clergy Clinic course offered by the Lombard Mennonite Peace Center. I shared with pastors whose wisdom I respected and whose opinions I trusted. I found a life vest and safety rope in the Academy of Parish Clergy, an independent national ecumenical organization of, by and for parish clergy organized for mutual support, encouragement and accountability. In short, I checked the “all the above” option.
I found out that I am not the only one. I found out that most congregations are living in stress and dealing with some low level of conflict on an ongoing basis and that it flares up every three to five years. I found out that most clergy are stressed. The stress means we are always living with some level of anxiety, and there are long term negative consequences. The stress and conflict leads to a question of call: on the part of the pastor, a question of call to this congregation and to ministry in general; on the part of the congregation, a question of identity, purpose and meaning.
It is good to remember that there are positive benefits to stress. Stress simply means there is more than one force at work in our lives, more than one priority, and more than one perspective. It is good to have more than one idea in the room at one time! No trapeze artist or tight rope walker would endeavor to work in a stress free environment; stress is necessary for the artist to swing and to hold the rope taut for the walk. We need a healthy tension, but we need a tension that is truly healthy.
There must be a better way!
Meditation
Look back over the events of your life. When have you been most frightened, most fearful? As a young child? As a youth? As an adult? Put yourself back into those situations. Remember how it feels to be afraid. How does it affect you physically, your heart rate, etc.? How does it affect your ability to think and to focus?
When we are truly afraid, it is hard to feel anything but that fear.
Questions for Reflection and Conversation
1. Look over the events described above, how do those events compare? How does the fear you experienced in those events compare? How did you respond in those events? Looking back, are there other ways you could have responded? How would a different response have affected the outcomes? What did you learn about yourself in those events?
2. What was the first crisis you faced in your ministry? What were the events that led up to that crisis? Describe how you handled it? What might you have done differently? How would it have helped? What resources were helpful to you?
3. Often in crisis, we feel most alone. What support was helpful to you, personally, professionally and spiritually?
2
Unique, Like Everyone Else
It was February of 2008. The congregation had formed a steering committee to select a church consultant to help us work through issues we’d rather avoid. It was going to be tough work, but we had determined to get through it together. I had made a quick get-away to gain some personal respite. I needed a chance to catch my breath, to rest up before all the heavy work ahead. I had picked a good cover.
I had joined the Academy of Parish Clergy the previous fall, just as the storm was breaking with the Church Council. The promotional material looked interesting and I figured I would need all the help I could get. Their annual conference was to be at a retreat center in Florida. They were bringing together judicatory representatives from different denominations to discuss the state of the church.
When you live in the Chicago area, February in Florida sounds good. The conference theme meant I’d find some help for my local situation. The retreat center meant I’d get to rest my soul a while.
Margaret Mead spoke of our individuality somewhere, saying “You are unique, just like everyone else.”
Part of the stress I felt was due to my feeling that I was going through something no one else had experienced. My church council had asked for my resignation! We’d had a verbally explosive congregational meeting! I didn’t know who to trust! I didn’t know what would happen next! We were entering an intense time with an expensive consultant! We were going to be challenged in ways we’d not been before, urged to be more open and honest with one another. Could we handle it? Would we be up to the challenge? No one had been this exposed! No one had been this threatened! No one had been this frightened!
As a first time participant, members of the Academy took time getting to know me. One by one, the elders of the group, the long-term members, asked about my background, experiences and expectations. One by one, I was given the cherished knowledge that I was not the only one. Others had travelled this road before me, others had been through this wilderness, and had found their way to the other side.
I was unique, like everyone else.
Congregations face critical issues on a regular, cyclical basis. Every three to five years there will be a presenting issue to be dealt with. It can be ignored, repressed, dealt with subconsciously or faced honestly. Often, the pastor becomes the bellwether, the lightning rod, even the scapegoat. Too often, the way the pastor and congregation deal with the issue is to change partners. Sometimes, after the pastor has faced this crisis, taken it personally, moved on, and then faced it all again, the pastor stops being a pastor. Clergy burn-out is an ongoing concern and a tragic consequence.
The July 25, 2012 issue of Christian Century cites a study by Pastoral Care, Inc, that over seventeen hundred pastors leave the ministry every month (p.8). This is an enormous exodus and a clear sign of a major problem that needs to be addressed.
I view my father, a retired pastor, and his generation as a generation of “Lone Rangers,” pastors who faced their crises as lonely warriors or lone sentinels. This may not be fair or accurate, but it is based on my observations growing up in a parsonage. Lone pastors, whether rangers or warriors or sentinels, do not ask for help; they deal with issues as they come up as best they can without expecting assistance or anticipating appreciation. It is all just part of the job.
The truth is none of us are ever alone. If I believe our ecclesiology, if I believe in the priesthood of believers and the great cloud of witnesses, if I believe Paul when he says, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ Jesus who lives in me,” then I also know that we are never alone, no matter how “alone” I might feel. The church is the body of Christ; we are the flesh and blood filled with his spirit. Christ is the head of the church, which is his body. We are his presence here and now, in our time and our place. The church is not just a human institution, but a spiritual fellowship and organization established by God. As such, it shall exist to the end of time and even the gates of Hell cannot prevail against it, or our current congregational conflict. As a member of the body of Christ, I am in spiritual fellowship with all Christians in all times and places. We are all one in Christ!
My experience at the conference, with other pastors sharing their stories and listening to mine offered a process that eased my burden and reminded me of what I already knew. It made this intellectual assent to be a lived experience.
I am not the only one who has faced a crisis in ministry, not the only one who had challenges that felt insurmountable or faced dilemmas for which I could find no answers. Other people have gone before me. There is a path I can choose to follow and guides eager to help. It may be a wilderness, but there is a way through!
Meditation
Imagine being alone in a house on a dark and stormy night: lightning flashing, thunder booming, wind howling. Sense that aloneness. When have you felt that before? What was the storm raging outside and the fear clinging inside?
Now imagine the breaking dawn of a new day, with the sun rising over the horizon and light chasing away the shadows. Remember how the air smells after a storm clears.