Autopsy of a Comedian. Emilie Collyer

jokes, he was responding. And now he'd initiated a conversation. Felix swallowed back the claggy nervousness.

      'Well, I'll get it. Thought you might enjoy… that is …'

       Take your time, take your time. I'm not going anywhere.

      Felix nodded, gruffly, and strode into the office. He threw open the metal cupboard, the one he'd been meaning to clean out for years, and reached up to the top shelf. He pulled the dusty cassette player down, returned to the examination room and plugged it in. Then he inserted the cassette with fumbling fingers. If Felix ever observed a student with such shaking hands he knew it revealed a personality ill-fitted to the job and he did his best to dissuade, bully or terrorise them into giving up.

      He pressed play, dragged a seat over and took his place next to Sammy. The two of them listened to the greats for hours on end. Felix had scoured libraries and second-hand shops and garage sales and music stores. They listened to The Goons and Spike Milligan, Bob Hope, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, Monty Python, Richard Prior and Robin Williams. They listened to the ridiculous, the foul, the angry. And as the night wore on Felix could not help but be moved by the compassion and frustration; the urgency in these men. These minds battled to find some kind of answer, to make whatever peace they could with the world. He laughed and wept and gave himself to the beauty and bewildered humanity of this elusive art.

       Brilliant. Brilliant! Now let me finish off the night, in my own humble way. Not like the greats-that's for sure, you got that right! But I'm happy to be in their lauded company even for one night. Much obliged to you for this. Never thought I'd have such trouble winding up. Normally my timing's impeccable. But tonight, I just can't find the right gag. Always end on a gag-that's essential.

       Have you heard this one? Two friends are out walking in the bush. One of them keels over. His friend runs to find the nearest phone and calls emergency services. The operator tells him to calm down. 'Now,' says the operator. 'First, let's make sure your friend is dead.' There is silence, then the sound of a gunshot. Then the man says to the operator, 'Okay, I'm sure he's dead. Now what?'

      Felix fetched the brain and released it from the formalin. It rested on the bench, ready for dissection. As he cut through the firm resistance of tissue, adrenaline rushed through him to the rumble of cascading laughter. A shower of rapturous applause filled the room. Tears streamed down his face as he continued to cut, severing the brain into smaller and smaller pieces. Felix ensured that the job was done right so he could finally release Sammy from the world and let him rest in peace.

      The sound of applause and cheering rose to a frenzied peak and Felix felt, as Sammy must have, the thrill of performance. How different his life could have been. Where would his life have taken him had he listened to his boyish eagerness and followed the path of Koringa, rather than the safe route his parents had set out?

      'Thank you, Sammy,' Felix's voice was not small now. It was rich and full of gratitude. Sammy had lived a life driven by passion. Felix had been consumed by the fear of never being good enough and had forced himself to rely on certainty rather than experiencing the exhilarating joy and terror of stepping out into the unknown.

      Finished with his task, his hands trembling, Felix lowered the scalpel. He was relieved to his core that he could step away, into his own unknown territory, for what remained of his life. His neat, hand-written resignation letter lay on his desk, ready to be sealed and handed in.

      He turned back to Sammy, just in time to see the corpse rise. Resplendent, Sammy took his final bow.

       Goodnight folks and thank you. A pleasure as always! God bless you all. And as two wise men once said: 'It's good night from me…'

      The punch line hovered as the room fell silent, electric with anticipation.

      'And it's good night from him,' said Felix as he stepped forward with arms outstretched, to embrace Sammy; to break his fall.