Travesty. Hayden Bradford

be so hard on yourself,’ I said. ‘Look at it this way; you have to be the first atheist to exist in Heaven! That’s no small feat. Kudos to you for pulling it off, mate.’

      John Boy stopped. ‘You’re right!’ he said excitedly. ‘I am at that! I am the first atheist in Heaven – way to go!’

      Many people passed and greeted us with the friendliness Heaven is renowned for. They all appeared to be quite young, even John Boy himself looked young. Short, yes, in need of weight control measures, yes, but young looking all the same.

      I asked him, ‘Why is it so?’

      ‘In Heaven, everyone is thirty,’ John Boy answered. ‘In the tunnel your body is rejuvenated back to when you were aged thirty. The cloth you’re wearing helps. If you die younger than thirty your body is aged to thirty. The process is completed once you enter through the grey gates.’

      ‘What, me as well? I’m thirty again?’ I asked.

      ‘Yes, you are,’ replied John Boy.

      John Boy floated downwards and I followed him. We stopped above a pond and I saw my reflection. Bloody Hell, I looked so young.

      ‘How is it so?’ I asked.

      ‘It is so, because it is the way of Heaven.’