Michael Bernard Kelly

Seduced by Grace


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an equal place at the Table of the Lord.

      In Australian Anglicanism, there are Church leaders who oppress and trouble my spirit, just as the author’s spirit is troubled. They deny the pulpit to voices they see as discordant. They refuse engagement with new ideas. They turn their backs on the rational tradition of the Christian Reformation. Little wonder that Bishop John Shelby Spong calls for a new Reformation in Christianity. One that will reach out to the alienated and restore the true universality of the Christian Communion.

      Michael Bernard Kelly is a powerful writer. Notice how, in many of the short and painful essays in this collection, he uses the rhetorical device of repetition. Words and phrases are repeated, like the chants of the monks of old and the beautiful collects of Cranmer’s Common Prayer. I understand and share his pain, without necessarily agreeing with all of his tactics. I am not, of course, competent to assess the response of his Church. Doubtless it would have its own viewpoints. However, I am thankful that great churchmen of our age, like Bishop Desmond Tutu, are now lifting their voices to demand an end to the oppression of sexual minorities. In Nairobi, in January 2007, the South African Nobel Laureate Tutu told a conference:

      I am deeply disturbed that in the face of some of the most horrendous problems facing Africa, we concentrate on ‘what do I do in bed with whom’. For one to penalise someone for their sexual orientation is the same as penalising someone for something they can do nothing about, like ethnicity or race. I cannot imagine persecuting a minority group which is also being persecuted.

      Sad that it took apartheid to teach a Christian Bishop that lesson. Happy that he learned the lesson and now teaches it to millions.

      The answer that Michael Bernard Kelly and I give to Johan is a simple one. We love and accept the universal message of Jesus. We refuse to let it go. We deny anyone the right to take it from us. We do not for a moment accept that we are beyond the pale. We know that, in the end, the universality of love and belief will be restored. Nothing else would be rational or just. Nothing else would be true to the central message of our Faith that so many good people accept and live by. Everything else is peripheral. In the words of the Talmudic scholar, although we may not see our conviction fulfilled, neither are we free of the moral obligation to tell its message.

      1 October 2007

      Michael Kirby

      Contents

      Foreword – The Honourable Michael Kirby AC CMG

       Contents

      Introduction – Michael Bernard Kelly

      On the Peninsula, alone with God

      Christmas, sex, longing and God

       Selective blessings that sully the faith

       The road from Emmaus: the challenge of the future

       Open letter to Pope John Paul II

       The radical ministry of Jesus

       Rainbow warriors

       James: who’s to blame?

       Ash Wednesday and the tears of things

       Over the rainbow

       Light in our darkness: the gift of the winter solstice

       What is it about the Catholic church and homosexuality?

       Out of great evil, grace

       Gay and Christian: why bother?

       Francis of Assisi: a saint for troubled times

       Kathy’s story: why the Catholic church is in crisis

       How a sorry church still destroys so many lives

       Jesus gloried in a woman’s touch

       End this evil teaching

       Christmas letter to Archbishop Pell

       Could Jesus have been gay?

       Father, I am troubled: the hidden lives of gay priests

       Fire, stone and living faith: the mystery of transformation

       Silence, shame and shadows: the ugly truth about gay bashing

       September 11: facing the sacred centre of violence

       Loaves and fishes in the dust of Nicaragua

       Live without illusions, love without reasons

       Coming to the Christmas crib with new eyes

       Ash Wednesday

       Flawed saint or wounded hero: the legacy of Fr Mychal Judge

       In Christ’s name: the marriage of Brendan and Tom

       Sex with soul, body and spirit

       Can a gay man be a saint?

       Sing a rainbow: the challenge of being gay and Catholic

       Ass. Arse. Butt. Bum. Backside

       Tasting the wine: the nun, the filmmaker and the risk of freedom

       Catholic and gay: the wounded blessing

       The Feast of Purification

       After Garrison

      Appendix – The Rainbow Sash Movement Author’s Acknowledgments

      Introduction

      Michael Bernard Kelly

      This collection of essays, articles and talks, written over a ten-year period, represents the public expression of one man’s inner journey of struggle and contemplation, as he faced the challenge of becoming vulnerable to the seduction of grace.

      This seduction is not simply a matter of an inner, ‘spiritual’ journey; it is also woven into an actual historical situation. It is in the daily challenges and struggles of ordinary living that we must learn to become open to grace, that we must discern the movement of God’s seduction.

      As expressions of my own flawed process of giving in to grace, the writings in this collection have very particular personal and historical contexts. Many of them emerge from the wrestling and reflection of this man who happens to be both gay and Catholic, and who is living at a time when this experience is just beginning to find a little breathing space and some tentative articulation. I regard it as profound grace to find myself in this historical and personal place, and to be one of those called to speak some words of hope and challenge, where before there was only silence or condemnation.

      At the same time, as the quote from Jeremiah suggests, opening oneself to this kind of grace comes at a cost, and there are times when one feels one has gambled everything on the folly of faith, and lost. God, our seducer, is not what we think God is, and if we give in to this seduction we will, sooner or later, lose everything – including any notion we have of God or faith or grace. Mystics like Meister Eckhart may say that the soul grows by a process of subtraction, modern writers like Simone Weil may claim that there is a kind of atheism that is a purification of the notion of God, but in the midst of radical loss all of this can seem bitter and foolish. ‘My one companion is darkness’, says the Psalmist, and if we follow the lead of the Spirit, we too will find we are walking with just such a companion. This desolate experience comes to everyone who trusts in God, and when it comes perhaps the only comfort we have is the knowledge that we are in the company of people like Jeremiah – and, of course, Jesus. In such company we endure and abide. This book is a record of one gay man’s particular version of what it looks like to gradually give in to God, and gamble with losing everything he once valued.

      In saying this, I am expressing one of the key principles that has guided the writing in this book: that life as a gay person in the contemporary world, with all of its ordinariness, anguish and beauty, can open us at depth to the journey into the mystery of the Divine. For some people it may seem shocking and even blasphemous to claim that life as a self-affirming, sexually expressive gay man can – indeed, must – become a pathway into maturity and holiness. This type of reaction, which I have faced often enough, is hardly surprising, since the voices of gay people have been silenced for so long that any articulation