along. This isn’t my work. I just have a very results oriented mind. Plus, I think we can figure this out if we try.”
“All those little basic questions I was asking you, I had to answer also. My answers were not always the same as yours. We were exactly the same, however, in our response to the total disconnect, panic, pain, fear, weakness, disorientation. We both have a greater need for closer access to get a stronger connection. We were also the same in our response to the reconnect, instant relief, satisfaction, comforting completeness, peace, balance, virile, sexy, gratitude.”
Support until the reconnect or contact through a solid object, my tolerance for connecting through the door was much higher; proximity – no conclusions could be drawn with the amount of information ascertained at that time – more experiments would come – my clinical side.
I was tired of experimenting and was beginning to wonder about my sister.
“Michael, do you know what time it is?” I asked, while I made a promise to myself to find my watch.
He looked at the sky and the position of the sun and said, “I’d say 10:15. Do you have to be somewhere?”
“No, I was just thinking of Denice. She is a creature of habit and schedules.”
The phone rang. Michael moved to answer it gripping my hand firmly all the way. It was Denice. “Ok.” And then he hung up.
“It’s your sister. She’s coming over.”
We went back to the balcony just as she was coming through our shared door. She carried our Patters with her, all smiles. She handed over my copy, plopped down in the third chair, and began reading the activities for the day without saying a word. I watched her as she pondered the newsletter, all very serious. I hadn’t seen her much and was delighted to see that she was wearing the coral necklace I made her from beads we purchased in Hawaii the first time we visited. I noticed that the clasp was twisted and also noticed that she was sporting a not very well hidden hickey.
Michael squeezed my hand to get my silent attention. He nodded to the Patter in my hand. So as not to be rude to my sister, we read the Patter dutifully to see if anything caught our interest. There was nothing at all going on that either of us wanted to get involved in. In actuality, we were resigned to stay in the cabins and on the balconies. What else could we do?
Denice finally looked up at us to indicate that she was finished with making her selections. I could see that she had highlighted several items. She planned to be quite busy for the day.
“I’m still only interested in staying on the balcony.” I waited for her response.
“I’d like to spend some time with you but it can’t be today, I have quite a schedule for myself and Manny. We’re spending the day together and I probably won’t see you again until just before dinner, and then only for a minute. We have dinner plans at Sabatini’s again and then dancing at the Wheel House Bar.”
“I’m glad you are having so much fun. When things slow down for you, you can join us for peace and relaxation right here on the balcony.”
I laughed because I knew she couldn’t sit still for very long.
She didn’t stay long. She left with a “thank you for being so understanding about Manny and all.” We watched her slip back over to our balcony and then she was gone and we were alone again.
We just sat and let the quiet surround us. Our eyes met, we both smiled but stayed in our own personal reverie. Michael put music in the player – Herb Alpert – I guess he didn’t want to hear me sing.
While we listened, I started organizing the research that we gathered earlier. Turning each discovery over and over in my mind but still not making any sense of it. I did wonder if Michael was doing the same.
“Michael, I’m thinking about the experiments we did today. We have a ways to go to figure it all out. There are many more questions and experiments to develop.”
I waited a second and lowered my voice before I continued.
“I really need you to tell me what happened to you when I left you on the lounge this morning and you came to the bathroom door. Can you tell me now before the information gets lost or tainted…I think it could be valuable information for our research?”
The ball was in his court and I was waiting for his return volley. Maybe he was trying to figure something, so, I just sat there while he took his time.
When Michael started to talk, his voice was barely above a whisper and he even leaned in a bit to make sure I could hear and others could not.
“I was pretty well pissed off at you for getting me all worked up and then yanking it out from under me. My ardor faded very quickly but not fast enough to beat the pain of the disconnection. It was as though the disconnect froze my Johnson when it was still erect. The combination was excruciating. It took me awhile to get to where you were – I could hardly walk and my vision was blurry. I was mad at you but I needed you to reconnect; I needed and wanted you more than I’ve ever needed or wanted anything in my entire life. It was the most powerful physical experience I’ve ever had.”
“Hearing your voice on the other side of the door was like manna from Heaven. You told me to put my back to the door and lean my whole body into it. I did and I suddenly loved you. I felt the reconnect but I was still physically in need of you. I remember hoping that you were all right.”
“Helen, I was actually seeing stars – you know, like in the cartoons but it wasn’t funny. I was sick and disoriented and weak. All I could do was focus on touching you, think about touching you, and dream about loving you because you could cure me. I was thinking of all the ways I could show you how grateful I am that you could fix things. I thought ‘Helen is what I need’.” He was on a roll.
“You helped me by talking to me but there was no way I could carry on a conversation. I was lucky to get the words out that I did. To cope, I closed my eyes and leaned on the door and absorbed as much of the reconnect as I possibly could. I needed more, so I waited for you.”
“I’m not sure that all this research is going to help. I’ve decided what we need, well, what I need.” And then he stopped talking.
I knew what he meant but I was not about to be manipulated even if I would love to go where he was. Maybe making a complete connection would be a permanent fix. It would only be if all else failed, our last effort.
“Michael, we only have nine and a half days left to figure this out. We need to be as objective as we can.”
Then to soothe his ego, I continued.
“It would be so sweet for me to spend the next eleven days enjoying your love making. You have a scent that is unique to any other. You smell like musk and wild honeysuckle and it really is a big turn on. When you breathe on my neck, I have to steady myself for fear I’ll faint. Don’t for one minute think that I don’t want you. Because I do, I want you so much that my resistance is getting very weak. But, please understand that I try hard to live a principled life. I am a slave to my own beliefs.”
A pout still traced his lips as he managed to smile at me. We held each other’s gaze for a minute and then he questioned.
“How long is this cruise anyway?”
“15 days, we used 4 days and there are 11 days left.”
“Helen, I’m not taking the whole cruise. I get off the ship in Honolulu and will fly to Australia from there.”
The news that he would be leaving the ship early hit me like an earth quake that was accompanied by fear.
“Do you know when we’ll get to Honolulu?” I asked.
“It’s the second or third port of call.”
“Well, which is it, second or third?”
“Not sure, I’ll look the next time I’m in the stateroom.” He said.
I