done to move me closer to what I hoped for. I didn’t know how to close the gap between what was in my heart and what was being played out in my life. Yet I still held out hope.
I was in a rut, spinning my wheels, and going deeper as time went by. My actions were monotonous and just barely enough to get me through the day, the week, the month. Soon, years had gone by and I was still circling the same block, looking at the same view, and always checking my review mirror, rarely looking ahead. I was still in the same funk I was in years ago. No action. No change. I was slowly losing my edge and felt like a fraction of the person I once was. The desire that had been burning so bright inside of me was dimming and that scared me. I frequently asked myself ”How did I get to this point in my life? How and why did I allow this to happen?” I knew without question that my life was purposed for greater things. I knew it in my soul, and I was determined to get there.
Have you found yourself going through the motions and feeling that you are not truly present in your own life? Is the real you allowed to shine through? Can you honestly say that you are excited about the potential for what each day will bring? When you sincerely address these questions, if your answers are anything less than what is ideal for you, then I urge you to take action to change the direction of your life. These are critical questions that will, at a minimum, start the conversation of truth in your life.
I had the talk with myself years ago. There was this false sense of happiness that prevailed in my life that others saw and applauded. What they recognized as ‘success’ I knew was nothing more than a degree, a title, and a great salary. This was not who I was, although it appeared that this was how others defined me. Deep inside, where no one else could see or touch, I had this gnawing feeling that something had to change and a sense that this was not it. I was frustrated and I felt stuck.
I had a choice to either listen to what was being revealed to me, or, I could continue to live my life unconsciously. For a very long time, too long, I chose to ignore the symptoms that I was living a life that was incomplete and not for me. I was in denial.
As I look back, there were moments when my heart beat with a special kind of peace. I would eventually learn that the people, the situations and the experiences in my life were there to teach me who I was and who I was not. When I was able to help other people advance their learning and find that one thing that makes them shine, I found true contentment. When I had the opportunity to take part in new projects that stretched my abilities, I was motivated. I loved the challenge! The level of joy that rose up in me when I was working to develop other people was almost palpable.
What I came to realize was that these were not just experiences and interactions with people. These were opportunities that served to open my eyes so that I could clearly see what God had for me. I saw that I loved helping people reach their goals! The people and the situations were there to show me who I really was. They were there to guide me to and through the doors that were meant for me.
Then, there were times when my heart ached with an unexplainable emptiness. I often asked myself, “Is this it for me?” There was a void in my life. I knew that it was acceptable to have the desire to pursue greater things, but I also knew that I should be grateful for my life as it was. I was blessed in many ways and I knew it. There was still an emptiness and the feeling that something was missing.
What emotions have followed you around for years? Maybe you have hung out with emptiness, loneliness, hopelessness, or even confusion all for much longer than you have desired. If what you know to do and what you are currently doing in your life are at odds, you will continue to feel the void and the confusion.
When there is internal conflict in your heart, until it is resolved, you will remain in your same state of emotional unrest regarding who you were called to be or what you were called to do.
At every opportunity, I would share subtle hints of my discontent with family and friends. However, I could not fully bring myself to tell them what was going on in my heart and in my soul. My conversations with them were literally my cry for help. I desperately wanted to experience freedom, real freedom in my life. The freedom to be me in my fullest, that person I knew I was meant to be.
Sitting with uncertainty is not exactly ideal, especially when it comes to one’s life. For many years, I was forced to not only sit with uncertainty, but I had to lie with it for a very long time! I was so uncomfortable and so out of place that I lost interest in many things. I wanted to be alone. I needed to be by myself so that I could think. I could not, I would not ignore this pull that was so strong inside of me.
My heart was now screaming at me, and I listened! I knew that there was something else for me in this life, something greater, and I was determined to figure out how I would get there. I balked at the thought that I would have to settle for what I felt was a good life, but not one that allowed me to live a great life -my best life. The more I scrambled to resolve my dilemma, the deeper my dilemma became.
You see, the thing about life is this, as smart as you and I are, it is impossible to know what is truly in store for us on our own. As strategic as we may be and as intelligent as we have become over the years, it is still not enough. We will not figure it out!
God has a master plan for each one of our lives, and until He reveals it to us, we must sit and sometimes lie with uncertainty and many other uncomfortable emotions for a while. That’s life. It does not always happen as fast as we want, when we want, or how we want it to happen, but it will happen. Our job is to sit still and be at peace with where we are, listen for how we will be used, and then move at the appointed time. And that is a very hard lesson to swallow.
Despite ourselves, and all that we do to get in the way of accomplishing our heart’s desires, there is still hope! Even though you might feel like your time has passed, that it cannot happen, or it will never happen, think again. There is a power that exists in you that is greater than we will ever know. Choose to tap into that power and allow your life to be used.
I accepted the challenge to give up control and to stop trying to figure it out. My willingness to step aside allowed me to very clearly see that the attainment of my goals and the fulfillment of my life’s purpose was dependent upon my willingness to listen to what was being revealed to me through the people and experiences in my life. It was here that I would better understand the how.
There was a truth that had been hidden in my heart and it made itself known. For years, with every beat, it spoke to me. Much like a sudden piercing feeling in the chest that comes and quickly disappears, I heard the faint whispers. The discontent, the uneasiness, and the boredom all hung out for far too long. My heart spoke clearly to me. I knew this was not who I really was and was not what was meant for me. Your heart knows you too and every day that you are not operating in your purpose it is sending you warning signals. Until you make the choice to go ALL IN for what God has planned for your life, you will continue to live a life that falls just short of your truest potential.
Today, even though I don’t know all the specifics about how each day will play out, I am okay with being in the dark. I know that I will not travel this journey alone. I trust that my steps will be ordered and the right people and situations will come into my life to shine a light on the how of my journey. I am open for whatever comes my way. I am ready and willing to make the sacrifices and listen to what is being revealed to me. I am officially sold out to my calling in life!
What about you, are you sold out to what is beating in your heart? You can be certain that your destiny, that which has been so masterfully designed for your life, can also become a reality. You have to be willing to give up yourself to gain what has been planned for you. Let go! If you are willing to give up your idea of what the world has for you and accept what your heart is saying regarding your passions and how you can use them to live out your life’s purpose, you will have taken the first major step. What is it that makes your heart sing? How far are you willing to go and what are you willing to give up to achieve your dreams?
My heart speaks to me, and I know that your heart is speaking to you. You have a choice to either listen to what is being revealed to you regarding where joy will spring from in your life, or, you can