back, unhooked her bra, and let it fall forward, showing perfect breasts. She turned around and, still swaying, spread her legs and bent over at the waist. She’d obviously practiced this. She looked back at him between her legs and licked her lips. This is weird, though Mike. But that didn’t stop him from being hard. Damn it, he thought. You ain’t helping the situation any.
She stood up and faced him. Then she walked forward and knelt before him. Her hands moved over his crotch and felt the huge bulge.
“Oh,” she said, “just what I’ve been wanting, dessert.”
She undid his belt and unbuttoned his pants. Then she undid his fly and took him out. His was like a rock now and she began her ministrations.
He just looked at her. It had been so long.
After a few seconds, she stopped. “If we get married, or even if we live together, I will do this all the time.” She didn’t think she was pushing too hard. Her confidence was high and this fool was so ripe.
Live together? he thought, where the hell did that come from? This was getting way out of hand and he had to tell her how he felt. He was too honest not to. “Donna,” he said, “before we go any further. I need to tell you something.”
Lifting her head, she said, “What is it, baby?”
“Donna, I’m not ready to talk about marriage, or even living together. You need to understand.” He took a deep breath to fight his desire to let her continue. “You’re moving too fast for me.”
Then she made her first big mistake - she let her emotions talk instead of her head.
“You bastard!”
“Donna, “
“You let me do this and I’m moving too fast?”
“I’m sorry, Donna. It’s just that it’s been so long. I didn’t know…”
She was livid – a true woman scorned. She didn’t realize it, but her whole paradigm of beliefs had just been accosted; it was as if someone had just profaned her religion. She was instantly up and getting dressed.
“Take me home, you prick. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Donna took her clothes in the bathroom and dressed. After a minute she came out, looking as upset as a person could possibly be.
“Donna,” he said, “I never said I didn’t want to be with you, I only said I felt like we’re moving too fast.”
“Just shut your dumb Irish mouth and take me home.”
He followed her outside and opened the truck door for her. She got in and sat as far away from him as she possibly could.
Mike backed out of the driveway and started what he felt would be one of the longest drives of his life. After a few minutes, her anger subsided enough for her to begin thinking clearly again. She was so sure she had him. He just surprised her too much, that’s all. She had never in her wildest dreams thought any man would ever tell her no. And, when the possible ramifications of the mistake began to sink in, she knew she could have handled it much better. She turned to him, knowing she had to start mending things immediately. “Mike, how can you possibly not see that we’re perfect for each other?”
“I don’t know that we’re not. But it’s just that…well…”
She held up her hands. “Well, what?”
He pulled over and parked. After turning to her, he said, “I loved my wife beyond all reason. We had a wonderful marriage and an even better sex life. On one level tonight, I felt like I was being unfaithful to her, even though she’s been dead for almost two years. Believe me, Donna, I wanted to. You’re a beautiful woman. But I want you to understand that this is going to take time for me. It just is. I can’t let you do something like that when I think there might be a misunderstanding.”
Donna smiled to herself. This could easily be fixed. It might even turn out better than before. “Mike,” she said softly. “When it’s right, it’s right.”
“Agreed. And this may be right. I just need to go one step at a time.”
She unbuckled her seat belt and slid over to him. She put her arm around him and said, “Mike, it’s been almost two years. You need to let her go. Let me help you, baby. I really like you. Trust me.”
He pulled onto the street again, thinking about what she said. She was right, but he couldn’t do it - he just couldn’t let Maria go. He still compared every woman he met with Maria, and they were all found wanting, even this one.
As he was driving, Donna put her other hand on his leg. “Mike? Are you there, Mike?”
He nodded his head. “I’m here.”
“You need to let her go.”
He didn’t want to talk. If he talked, he would cry. He didn’t want to do that.
“Mike? Are you listening?”
He shook his head and kept his eyes on the road. “Hard to do,” was all he could get out.
She got up on her knees facing him and kissed his neck. Then he felt her tongue in his ear and her hand on his crotch. “I can help you let her go, baby,” she whispered. “I only want you thinking about me.”
But he couldn’t let her go. He shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said.
Just when he said that, he pulled up in front of her house. She sat down on the seat again. What was up with this asshole? She had honestly believed there wasn’t a man alive who could resist her. She felt the type of anger a mother feels when her baby is being threatened.
“Fine,” she said. “When you finally get your head out of your ass, maybe we’ll talk.”
“Let me get the door for you.”
“Don’t bother about me. You obviously have other things on your mind.” She got out and slammed the door. He watched her walk quickly up to her house and go inside. She never looked back at him.
When he got back to his house, he stood in front of the fireplace staring at Maria’s picture for a long, long time until, involuntarily, he doubled up like he had been shot. He fell sobbing to his hands and knees and all he could say between the sobs was “Maria.”
Chapter 6
Natalya had taken the picture to work and borrowed a magnifying glass from the science room to look more closely and memorize every detail: the way his hand rested on Greta’s shoulder, the way the other arm rested on his knee as he squatted down to be on Greta’s level. She marveled at how, even though he was motionless, she could sense his strength. She studied his smile - a nice smile, a manly smile. He wasn’t a truly handsome man in the classical sense, but he was nice-looking, his features even and his skin clear. They were exactly the same features she dreamed about so many years ago.
There was a fierceness about him, although it did not disturb her. She was sure he could be intimidating if he wanted to be, although she knew she had no reason to fear him. Nevertheless, he had a look which could cause men to fear him. Ludmilla said he was a boxer and a karate expert. That meant he was an excellent fighter. She thought about Jakob but put any confrontation between the two men out of her mind. At this point, he didn’t even know she existed. It is too early to imagine this man as your savior, she told herself in Yakut, but that didn’t stop her from believing he was.
Ludmilla said he was rich. How did he make his money? And what does rich mean, anyway? To her, rich was being able to pay her bills and have a little left over. Besides, rich didn’t matter to her. All she cared about was that he was no longer a dream to be kept in her mind and reserved for the nighttime in her bed imagining his hands on her. He was real - he breathed and ate and laughed and slept. He looked up at the same moon and relished the warmth of the same sun. He felt sadness and happiness, just as she did. He was human, just like her.
She