held me tenderly, kissed my forehead but said nothing.
On the way to the kitchen and our much anticipated hot sandwiches we stopped in the ‘Pinky bank’ to pack a bowl to have either before or after lunch.
Preparing lunch was comfortable, easy, and enjoyable. Michael’s odd humor was back entertaining me and showing me love. We were a superb team in the kitchen as we were every where else. I felt golden around him. We enjoyed our lunch in the dining room sitting facing each other. Drinking him in with my eyes was more important to me than satisfying my need for food and sitting opposite him allowed me to do both and receive a bit of the reconnect on a minute by minute basis, to boot.
We had much to discuss as it turned out, something Michael was more aware of than me, as a matter of fact; I wasn’t aware of anything that needed discussing unless it had something to do with making him happy. I was totally in the ‘appreciation and gratitude’ mode of our relationship and that’s exactly where I wanted to stay – yes because it also met my own need – we did have a symbiotic relationship, after all. I was satisfied and happy while wrapped in the reconnect. It was all good, again.
Sipping on the reheated coffee, I’d had enough to eat and took pleasure in watching Michael enjoy the Monte Cristo. Before he reached for the portion of sandwich that I left on my plate, Michael was maybe a bit annoyed.
“Instead of staring at me you could tell me some stuff.”
“Does it bother you for me to look at you?”
God, I hoped that wasn’t the case.
“Nobody likes to be watched while they eat,” he said, flatly.
“If it gave you this much pleasure to watch me eat, I’d be all about it; you can be sure.”
Like I mentioned I was deep in the ‘appreciation and gratitude’ mode of our relationship.
“But, of course, if it bothers you; what stuff would you like me to talk about?”
“Hum, let’s see.”
Michael mumbled with his mouth partially full. Before he spoke, he took the time to chew and swallow.
“Tell me about the family and whatever you have going in your life, ok?”
“Ok,” I said, “I’ll start with the kids.”
I sighed to gather my thoughts and to inhale the scent of him which I knew would assist me in being articulate.
“Ollie is going to finish his degrees in New York; he only has another semester and then he’ll finish his dissertation to get his masters. He’s getting a place with Mattie so they can share expenses and their lives. Their decisions lay ahead of them and I’m sure they’ll make some surprising ones.”
“Kevin and Kathy are planning a backpacking trip through Europe and have filled me with facts and statistics about each of their planned destinations and more useless information that could only be of value to a ‘Jeopardy’ contestant. But watching their excitement grow has been a sweet gift of pride for what fine individuals they’ve turned out to be.”
“Margaret fixed up the cottage that sits in the south three acres of this property and is going to school. She’s majoring in ‘Journalism’. Sometimes she joins me for dinner, so maybe we’ll see her this evening. For sure she’ll be here for Sunday dinner so you’ll get to see how radiantly happy she is.”
“Henry has turned his back on me completely though I hear about him from the kids sometimes. I lost the struggle with the Catholic Church to keep our family house and believe it or not, the IRS came after me for his back taxes. I think I have it all straightened out now. The entire experience wasn’t good but there is light at the end of the tunnel.”
Michael stopped before he ate the last bites of the sandwich to ask.
“Baby, do your kids hate me for not coming around?”
“No,” I said.
“Why would they hate you?”
“You did tell them about us?”
He wanted to know what I’d told them about him.
“No, Michael, my love for you is for you and me only and I covet it with the deepest of privacy, no Michael.”
It was incredulous to me that he didn’t know me better.
Michael put his hands up after cleaning them with his napkin to halt me from saying anything more.
“Baby, you continue to amaze me. You’re not like any other person I’ve ever known.”
It was somehow quite sweet to impress him but I’d prefer that he knew me better and expected better of me.
Clearing the table in less than a minute, Michael picked up his coffee in one hand and pulled me to my feet with his other.
“Let’s have our coffee and conversation in the garden.”
He suggested but didn’t wait for my response and pulled me along with him as he made his way through the porch and down the steps and on the path that led to my beloved growing buddies. He stopped at the table in the middle of the garden that was nearly obscured because of the size of those once little buddies. But like a ‘homing pigeon’ he found his way.
He knew me well enough to know that that was my favorite place in the world besides on a balcony of a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean.
As we sat in the same seats we’d shared before and were blessed with the warmth of the reconnect, we breathed together in quiet for sometime, just taking in the freshly created oxygen and feeding the plants with our exhale. We were greeted with the lovely softness of an invitation from Ricky as we both caught a glimpse of a red spark leap from her to mingle with the particles that created the invitation.
“What was that,” Michael wanted to know.
“Well, um, honestly, I haven’t figured it out yet.”
I answered. I wasn’t concerned, I was intrigued.
“That wasn’t the first time that’s happened?” He nearly demanded.
“No,” I said. “It’s happened many times. I haven’t figured it out yet. Maybe we’ll figure it out together. Right now, let me finish telling you about the family.”
He nodded and I continued.
“Actually, I just wanted to tell you about Denice. She comes up often but usually stays at Sam’s in the city though we have had a couple of marathon design sessions working on her wedding dress and my dress as her attendant. She has grasped an entirely new dimension in understanding design and how it relates to texture and color. Luckily for me as part of our ‘Two Women’ design business her acute understanding has rubbed off onto me. She inspires me every time we’re together. I tell ya, Michael she literally glows with creativity. Anyway and as a side bar because she’s such the great advocate for our joint venture, I’m going to get to quietly design for a lot of people.”
Finishing up the ‘family category’ was the question of whether we would see Denice and Sam on Sunday at dinner brought the unhappy news that they weren’t available due to being in Monterey for the weekend with friends.
The garden nearly begged for quiet. With my eyes closed I reminded the place of its healing powers and asked for indulgence for a while longer.
“Allow us these moments right now; we’ll all benefit. Talking increases our breathing which in turn assists you in your effort to fulfill your destiny.”
The begging ceased, replaced with support and a measure more nurturing comfort. They all knew that deep down I had their best interests at heart and to reach their fullest destiny was my wish and effort for each of them. So, the change was easy for ‘em.
“More, of your weirdness,” Michael asked.
“Sorry,