happened a couple years ago.” Emma took a bite of the pizza. “I told this incident to Jillian right before she passed. Here’s what happened.”
Fredric and Emma arranged to meet Freddy and his friend Mitch for lunch in Essex. Freddy arrived, without Mitch.
“I thought he was bringing Mitch.” Emma moved close to Fredric and whispered in his ear. This doesn’t surprise me one bit.
“So did I. Not sure what happened.”
“Hey. I was going to bring Mitch, but he had to work late.” He looked powerlessly at his father and then at Emma.
“Hope you don’t mind that I tagged along.” She flashed a huge smile. “I didn’t want Freddy to take the drive by himself.”
“Really, Mom? It’s a twenty-minute drive,” an irritated Freddy snapped.
“No problem at all.” Emma was outwardly polite. Let’s walk over to that dock and I can push you off. Don’t stoop to her level. Stay calm.
Emma resented lunch being hijacked by Freddy’s mom—she did a terrible job hiding her discomfort. How inappropriate are you? This is Fredric’s time with his son, and you have to encroach on their visit, don’t you? Fredric rubbed her back, but she remained anxious and trapped with this sudden guest list modification. She anticipated a pleasant and peaceful lunch where they would talk about his job and life in general. That plan vanished into thin air as soon as her stepson arrived with his mother.
“What’s this fizzy on the menu?” Freddy’s mom jumped in to ask the waiter before anyone ordered.
“It’s a new fun drink this summer. It’s a concoction of fruit and citrus juices and a splash of seltzer to make it fizzy.”
“Is it any good?”
“Mom, you think the waiter’s going to tell you it isn’t good? Order one and try it.” Freddy’s tone remained annoyed at his mother.
“Okay, give me a fizzy.”
Emma ordered shrimp cocktail. The rest of the group ordered lobster rolls with French fries.
The server brought Emma’s shrimp and the ex-wife’s fizzy to the table. He assured the group the other lunches would be delivered momentarily. He forgot to fill their water glasses.
Freddy’s mother immediately reached across the table and helped herself to a shrimp from Emma’s plate. She dipped it into the small cup of cocktail sauce at the edge of the dish. “You don’t mind if I try one, do you?” She took the entire shrimp into her mouth at once.
Emma was horrified. She sat speechless and frozen. How can you be this rude? At least you ate it so fast you didn’t have time to double dip. Her stomach felt tight and jumpy. Relax. Don’t let this person make you uncomfortable. Ignore her. Breathe. Pity the fizzy drinker.
The other lunches were served, but the server had yet to bring water to the table. Emma glanced around the room to locate the waiter.
“Do you need something, hon?” Fredric asked.
“I’d love a drink. He never brought water. I should have ordered a seltzer.”
“Let me share my fizzy with you. I haven’t even touched it.” The ex-wife pushed her chair out, got up, and walked to the booth across from their table. She picked up a glass that sat on a tray of dirty dishes. The glass contained a tissue at the bottom—a ketchup-covered fork stood upright in the glass. She used the fork to pull out the dirty tissue that was stuffed inside. She removed her straw from the fizzy and poured half of her bubbly beverage into the germ-filled glass. She grinned and handed the disgustingly used glass to Emma. “Here you go, Em.” She winked at Emma as she moved her hand away from the glass.
Emma was fuming, her anger plainly visible. The harder she tried to hide her irritation, the more noticeable it became. She felt her rage race up and down inside her. She was aware of her neck as it became hot and turned red.
Fredric instantly reached over and pushed the glass to the edge of the table. The original fizzy sat on the table in front of his ex-wife. She had yet to take a sip. Emma stared at the untouched glass and took a deep breath. She stretched her arm across the table, grasped the ex-wife’s glass, and took a big gulp. “Thank you for sharing.” You are truly a fucking bitch. I never gave you permission to use my name, let alone turn it into a nickname.
Freddy witnessed the entire episode and turned his head away. His mother sat speechless with her lips tightly squeezed together.
“This is wonderfully refreshing. You should try it.” She motioned to the revolting glass she had placed down by her husband’s ex-wife.
“You ARE kidding me. Who DOES that? That is absolutely disgusting. She’s hostile, aggressive, hateful, gross, disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Did I mention disgusting?”
“I know.”
“I am so excited to hear you took the drink from her. You didn’t have to say a thing. I’m sure she got the message. She’s disgusting!”
“I wanted to vomit when she brought the dirty glass to the table. I was in shock and couldn’t believe someone could be that big of a bitch. I’d rather eat dog poop off the street than something that witch offered me. Later, when I told Jillian, I’ll never forget, she shook her head and she was livid. She was lying in her bed, IVs in her skinny, frail arms. She said, ‘Emmella, you should have thrown the fucking fizzy thing in her face. You should have said, “Keep the fizzy, fuck face!” That’s what you do if something like that happens again.’ She held a crumpled tissue in her hand. As she said those words, she took the tissue, flicked her wrist, and tossed it over the blanket onto her thighs.”
Emma took a long sip of water and then continued. “Jillian died the next day and that entire next day I kept saying over and over in my head, ‘Keep the fizzy, fuck face.’ I must have recited it in my brain a thousand times. Every time I said the phrase, I could picture Jillian’s little hand flip the tissue into the air and onto the blanket. She asked me to promise her I would take a deep breath and then calmly ask a question. If all else fails, toss it back and say, ‘Keep the fizzy, fuck face.’ Now I ask a question to throw back the focus. She is undeniably a bitch, and so is karma. I can sit back and watch her be an idiot, because the bitch that is karma will get her.”
“I’m glad you’re taking Jillian’s advice. That’s her legacy to you.”
“You know, Celia, I have never done anything unkind to her. I’m cold to her and stay away from her, but that’s to avoid her vicious conduct toward me.”
“You’re an innocent victim who happened to fall for a guy with baggage.”
“I know, right?” Emma flipped her hands in the air.
“Does this ex-wife have a name?” Celia took another slice of pizza.
“I despise her to the point that I can’t bring myself to say her name, and I hate when she says mine. She’s too vulgar and detestable for me to say her name.” Emma took a bite of her now cold pizza; the cheese was no longer stringy.
“Oh. I see. You have no problem saying fuck face a million times, yet you can’t say her name.” Celia’s voice was lowered to a whisper. “You do realize how funny that is, don’t you?”
“I call her Edie. Let’s leave it at that.”
Comfy Cozy Sheets
The changes that came along with her new car were now part of Celia’s weekday routine. The biggest change was setting her alarm clock twenty minutes earlier than usual. She hoped