him at any work sessions, Elmo avoided attending any of them. If he was at a beach conference center in summer, he went swimming. When the sales conference was at some chalet in winter, he went skiing. If it was the latest craze that sales conferences were held at bush setting venues then he went bush walking. In other words Elmo thoroughly enjoyed himself by not attending plenary sessions, sales lectures and work seminars. If his absence was commented upon, a rare event, Elmo pretended to have the flu or laryngitis or deep vein thrombosis from the long plane flight. Before going to sales conferences, Elmo did a lot of medical research on debilitating illnesses. His 'swot notes' got him out of a lot of awkward moments.
But life will never let you hide forever. Just like those people who try to stay young, Elmo learnt about the inevitability of fate. One morning Elmo got a intranet message to go to the Head Negotiator's office. Confused, Elmo went as directed. The sign on the door said
JANET ELSEBROOK
Head Negotiator
Elmo sat in this powerful woman's reception area for twenty minutes. Then he was summoned into the august presence of one of the most powerful people in Elmo's firm. She looked up at him from behind her desk then nodded for him to sit down in the chair provided directly opposite. She kept working for five minutes before leaning back in her chair as she said,
"Well .....eh?....Oh yes... Elmo isn't it? How are you today?... Fine? ...That's fine....Now we are all busy people here at head center section so I will get right to the matter at hand. Is that okay with you?"
Elmo had counted four questions and could not work out which one he was supposed to respond to so he responded to them all by saying,
"Yes! Fine. Yes! Of course."
Confused Ms. Elsebrook looked at Elmo for an instant. But she quickly recovered her composure to say,
"Elmo... I can call you Elmo can't I because your surname is hard to pronounce and I want to do you the courtesy of getting your name right....We in upper management have been greatly impressed with your work in 'Clerks' over the last....Eh....Oh the last ten years. Your data record shows you logging in first thing every morning and logging out late every night. There is also an impressive array of Saturday logins. So we have decided to give you a promotion."
Elmo started to perspire with fear. This sounded like he was getting the last thing he wanted. So he interrupted by saying in a harried tone,
"I am perfectly content where I am. No plans to leave. No need for any promotion."
Not used to her carrots being thrown back into her face, Ms. Elsebrook's distaste rose inside her so the next thing she uttered was at a high decibel,
"Elmo your firm needs your help. Don't be ungenerous with your time. We are all busy. But sometimes sacrifices have to be made for the benefit of the firm. Right now we have a flu epidemic decimating our fine sales negotiating team. Yet clients must still be met. Sales contracts must still be signed. All you would have to do is go to a lovely hotel. Have tea or coffee or whatever you people drink. After chatting a bit then get one little signature. Not too hard a task is it? Well what do you say Elmo? Will you help us out this one time?'
Somewhat mollified by the mention of 'one time' Elmo missed his chance to back out gracefully. For once his pool of white lies was empty. He mumbled a quiet,
"I suppose its alright just this one time."
Then he heard Janet Elsebroook say in a final tone,
"Well that's settled then. My secretary has all the information you need. Let me get him in here....GERALD? Are you ready for Elmo?....Fine then you take him through the details will you?..... No, now please Gerald. Then and only then you can go out for coffee. I am late for my lunch meeting with the State Manager."
With that Elmo became invisible to this power player. He slid out of her office but was caught by Gerald at reception. Gerald looked like he was overworked, stressed and caffeine deficient. He thrust a memory stick into Elmo's hands before saying hurriedly,
"Its all in there. Time place and contract document. Old Simpson really is down with the flu but he had already negotiated the renewal contract details. I just dropped them into our standard contract. All you need to do is get the client to sign then you are home and hosed. Look on the bright side, you do get away from here for a bit."
Elmo was back at his desk trying to work out what had just happened to him. The fundamental question running through his mind was,
"WHY ME?" Finally after racking his brain for any show of gumption on his part at any staff function he guessed the answer correctly. With negotiators falling by the wayside due to a major flu epidemic, staff were being snatched from everywhere in his firm. Elmo was the longest serving clerk in the office, so he was a natural choice for a reliable person to stand in for one day. Now he was stuck with being 'out there in the open' as it were. Elmo Eveings was going to be a negotiator even if it was only for one day.
That night was one of the worse nights Elmo could remember since coming to this new country. He just could not get to sleep. All sorts of 'failure scenarios' sprang to mind. When his alarm finally rang Elmo almost kissed his smartphone. Routine helped, but not much. Elmo made it into the office even earlier than normal. Logging on was no relief because his new appointment was now officially logged in the staff daily activities bulletin. Everyone he worked with would eventually read his name on that list with his task represented as "Temporary Negotiator".
His morning was ghastly. People kept coming up to pat him on the back. They gave 'nothing phrases' away like confetti after a wedding. No one noticed that Elmo flinched ever time he was approached. Then he groaned every time another platitude washed over him with its false sentimentality. He put up with things like,
"Well Elmo, they finally noticed you after all these years. You are on your way."
"Elmo what an opportunity. From the hands of the 'dragon lady' herself. Don't mess it up. She'll eat you alive. Ha. Ha. ...'
"Who would have believed you had it in you. We will all have to watch our backs now..."
Some said their quips in a humorous tone of voice but a few were said with a not so well hidden veiled threat embedded in the so called compliment.
Lunch came and Elmo went on his appointment. A taxi took him to one of the city's best hotels. He was to have his first ever business lunch. A corporate credit card had been assigned but had to be returned to the treasury department within the next twenty four hours. Elmo had been given an upper limit for his expenses that afternoon.
Arriving early for his appointment, Elmo went to the bar. Not a drinking man he had no idea what to order. As he sat there staring at the row of bottles under the full length mirror a voice said,
"Why its Elmo Eveings isn't it? Imagine us meeting like this so soon after our last encounter. How are you?"
Elmo looked to his right to see the face of Fran Upjohn smiling back at him. Of course he immediately remembered her name. After all he reminded himself, Ms. Upjohn was a very beautiful young woman. She had shortish blonde hair, was of a statuesque build and her body was very slim. Elmo had noticed that she had a very distinctive walk. You might describe how she moved from her end of the bar as majestic. That is until you realized that this could mean anything from a parade walk to the shuffle of an old woman. No it was better to say that it was very stylish,