in love
he says
i have never been a fan
of black nail polish
you know
it is quite funny
i have never been a fan
of any of your opinions
sometimes i wonder what she goes through
look in her eyes
how hurt she is
i try to talk to her
she doesnt hold onto anyone
not anymore
-i cant save her alone
it is my job
i am supposed to protect you
you say
i love you
on the phone
as you hold the gun to your soul
and ask permission
from me
to pull the trigger
-good friends who make bad decisions
you don’t notice
the wounds you open
of others
until they are bleeding
all over you
-selfish
she is trying to laugh more
she is trying to smile brighter
she is trying to be kind
it breaks my heart
i know her too well
to believe
that she is really happy
-her smile is wide
but her eyes are sad
you burn your lungs away
and you talk in horrible ways
of the people who try to love you
everyone is drowning in their feelings
while also
trying to seem
like they dont care at all
-no one knows
what they
are doing
you force your heart to beat
for all the wrong reasons
and all the wrong people
-when your heart sinks to the floor
every time he speaks
you dont love him
i refuse to believe
that if you wanted to be with me
you just would
maybe that desire is not enough
-how do I wait
never knowing
if you will come around
as I always do for you
i am the novel
the one you borrow dozens of times
you photograph
the poems
on my worn
ripped pages
you highlight
your favorite parts
yet
you never keep me
i am always returned
tattered and worn
wondering the next time
you will check me out
-you love everything
enough to keep coming back
but not enough to stay
get out
you do not belong
get out
i pray to God
take them away
-when the voices are all loud
i do not know
which one
is me speaking
letting my guard down
is so easy
i hate myself for it
every time i fall
they leave
yet i still fall
and end up having to pick myself up
no one
ever
helps
me
stand
-please
sometimes
good people
make bad choices
and bad people
make good choices
it does not
mean they have changed
-you wear a mask
you say
you are here
if i need anything at all
i sob to my pillow
and my heart becomes so heavy
and you
are nowhere to be found
-your 32nd lie
was that youd be there for me
even after youre gone
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